It’s been hours, maybe even days since the last toy recall, so it was with considerable relief that we opened yet another Consumer Product Safety Commission recall. Because if we’re not upending our kids’ toy boxes searching for deadly toys on a daily basis we get so, like, bored. Seems the CPSC has recalled 300,000 of these Cuddly Cousin Plush Insect toys - ladybugs, bumble bees, caterpillars, snails and two butterfly designs sold for a buck apiece at dollar stores. Their small parts fall off and pose a choking hazard. CPSC urges parents to take these toys away from their children and return them to the store, although for a buck… it’s hardly worth the gas to get there.

Bringing new meaning to the term “off your rocker,” the Consumer Product Safety Commission folks just issued a recall for 122,000 of these little rocking horses, which also come in unicorn, penguin, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and other versions, all of which have unstable bases. The CPSC has received 35 reports of the ride-on toys flipping over, so if you have one, take it away from your child and contact TekNekToys for a replacement base.

You might as well upend the toy box and just throw away all your magnetic toys. It’ll save time.

Some 1.3 million MagnaMan magnetic toy figurines - colorful samurais, gladiators, aliens and Vikings - were recalled today because the toys’ tiny magnets come loose. Swallow one and your child could choke. Swallow two or more, and they’ll tear holes through his intestines. And that’s not all. Also recalled today: 1.1 million magnetic toys for preschoolers , sold under the name Magtastic and Magnetix Jr. (The toys, we mean, not the toddlers.)

Honey, go play in the street. It’s safer.

It’s not often that you read “safe” and “darts” in the same sentence. That’s because they’re pointy projectiles with oh-so-many ways to hurt children: eyeball punctures, gory gaping wounds and now, apparently, intestine-perforating magnets. The Consumer Product Safety folks have recalled a quarter million of these “FUN ‘N SAFE Magnetic Dart Boards” because the tiny magnets fall off. And, say it with us now, if you swallow two or more, they migrate through your body to find each other, no matter what vital organs or important fleshy parts lie in the way. The resulting intestinal blockages and perforations can be fatal.

Also on the recall list: lead-laced, rhinestone-encrusted necklaces for kids. That one’s a small recall: just 2,900 of the $13 geegaws.

Last week we had toy helicopters that burst into flame. Now we have Cinderella-mobiles whose wires short circuit, overheat and… burst into flame. The Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled 64,000 of these expensive ride-on toys ($200 apiece, sold between 2005 and 2006) after receiving 40 reports of the wires under the hood of the car and in the battery compartment under the seat - in other words, under your child’s tushie - overheating. In several cases, smoke billowed from under the seat. And in one case, “flames shot from under the hood while a 4-year-old girl was riding the vehicle.”

This one’s going into the Toy Store Hall o’ Shame, along with date rape drug-laced AquaDots and the radioactive U-238 Atomic Energy Lab for kids. Sheesh. If you’ve got a Cinderella car at home, Dumar International has a free retrofit kit for you that includes a new battery. Call them at 866-424-0500. You might want to ask for a fire extinguisher too.

In case you didn’t get the memo, an alarming percentage of children’s jewelry is just a’bursting with lead paint and choking hazards. This time, it’s a “faith bracelet.” So much for any remaining faith we had in the toy industry. Do not, repeat do not do any Hail Marys, rub your fingers over the little pearly beads or kiss the religious icons on this little gem. These $15 Life of Faith charm bracelets were just recalled by the Consumer Product Safety Commission because they’re loaded with lead.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a toy helicopter that bursts into flames! Yep, the Consumer Product Safety Commission just recalled 30,000 of these remote controlled “Fun2Fly Microcopters.” The toy’s rechargeable batteries can burst into flame during charging, igniting both the toy and any combustible materials nearby. In the prim prose of the CPSC, “This poses a burn or fire hazard to consumers.” Gee, ya think? Six cases of helicopters igniting, one injury to date. Get it out of your toy box.

Betcha thought the toy recalls were over, huh? But no. The Consumer Product Safety Commission just yanked 80,000 of these little $6 eeBoo sketchpads because their spiral bindings are covered with lead paint. There are eight different designs, some with fairies, so follow the link to CPSC to see what to look for, then send the notebooks back to eeBoo. They’ll send you a replacement with a plain metal binding.

We hadn’t heard too much about intestine-piercing toy magnets of late, but they’re back in the headlines this afternoon. The Consumer Product Safety Commission just recalled 125,000 of these Magnabild Magnetic Building System, because magnets can fall out, posing a serious health risk for small children. Swallow two or more magnets, and they migrate through the body (and through organ walls) to find each other.

Hey, we saw that “Grey’s Anatomy” episode, and it was really gory. (It also affirmed our undying devotion to Miranda Bailey, but that’s another topic.) And by some strange coincidence, that episode is on TV tomorrow night so if you’d like a graphic representation of what happens when you swallow magnets — or sleep with your married best friend, with whom you have no romantic chemistry — it’s 9 p.m. on ABC-TV. Meanwhile, check your toy box.

Today’s toys-that-hurt missive from the Consumer Product Safety Commission targets “My Little Kenmore,” a pink play stove that combines product placement, gender stereotyping (it’s pink, folks - you think Emeril Jr. is going to play with that?) and topple potential. Open the door and oops. One toddler was bruised after the stove fell on her. Young chefs - or rather, their parents - are supposed to remove the defective bracket connecting the door to the stove. We don’t quite understand how the door stays on if you do that, but the reassembly instructions can be downloaded here.

In other recall news, some 38,000 Cranium Cadoo games have been recalled because the dice are covered in lead paint. Whoa. We’ll hope you haven’t been kissing the dice for luck … or shouting “Snake eyes! Momma needs a new Kenmore!”