Dear Anxious: Your timing is impeccable — we’ve got more than 52 (!!) college aid sessions coming up at East Bay community colleges and high schools in January and February. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid or FAFSA is your key to federal and state grants, student loans, and scholarships from the colleges themselves. Yes, it’s a royal pain to fill out the paperwork, but it’s definitely worthwhile.

This year’s FAFSA is due March 3 and it requires information from your 2007 tax return. So if there was ever a year to get your taxes done early, this is the one. You can file your FAFSA after that date, but you’ll be low wallet on the totem pole. Do. Not. Wait.

You and your teen are welcome to attend the “Cash for College” workshops at any of the 52 East Bay community college or high school sites listed at CalGrants.org. Click “Cash for College,” type in your zip code or county, and it’ll spill a list of dates, locations and document requirements. Diablo Valley College, for example, is hosting a “Cash for College Workshop” on Saturday, Feb. 2 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the Pleasant Hill community college’s performing arts center. The college is providing translators and free tax prep services, says DVC financial aid outreach coordinator Rudolf Rose, plus pizza and a prize drawing. Nice!

We can’t guarantee pizza and prizes at the other workshops – sorry! – but you’ll find plenty of FAFSA expertise and paperwork assistance at Antioch High on Jan. 26 from 9:30 a.m. till noon.

In Richmond, De Anza, Kennedy and Richmond High Schools are hosting 90-minute evening workshops on Feb. 5, 12 and 13, respectively. In Oakland, 11 schools are holding financial aid events, from the Jan. 10 workshop at Oakland Technical High School to Laney College’s event on Feb. 23.

The list goes on and on. What’s not on the CalGrant list are the schools who are hosting their own FAFSA nights. Walnut Creek’s Las Lomas High hosts a FAFSA parent night with Mary K. Morrison from Stanford University’s financial aid office on Jan. 15 at 7 p.m. in the school theater. And College Park High in Pleasant Hill is hosting a free FAFSA/Financial Aid Workshop on Jan. 23 at 7 p.m.

Good luck!

Isabella and Olivia Gerasole’s “Spatulatta” is an online cooking show for kids – they’ve got a cookbook too – and their tasty recipe collection includes these Oatmeal, Cranberry and Pecan Cookies, whose ingredients are layered, sand art-style, into a mason jar. When the happy recipient is ready for fresh-baked cookies, he or she mixes the colorful contents with a few perishable ingredients (eggs, molasses, butter) and pops them in the oven.

It’s a perfect project for even the youngest gift-giver. We’ll give you the basics here, but check out the charming how-to video too.

OATMEAL, CRANBERRY & PECAN COOKIES IN A JAR
* 3/4 cup flour
* 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 7 tablespoons white sugar
* 1/2 cup dark brown sugar
* 1 1/2 cups rolled oats
* 1/2 cup shredded coconut
* 1/2 cup dried cranberries
* 1/3 cup toasted chopped pecans
* A quart mason jar with lid
* A 5-inch circle of fabric, rubber band and ribbon

1. Make sure the mason jar is totally dry inside. Then, using a funnel, pour the flour, baking soda, salt and white sugar into the jar and shake it a little to settle.
2. Add half the oats. Then pour in the brown sugar and pack it down with a spoon.
3. Add layers of colorful cranberries, pecans and coconut. Press down.
4. Pour in the rest of the oats and press down. The jar should be fully packed. Put the lid on and tighten it, then use the fabric to cover the lid (secure it with a rubber band), print out the baking instructions, punch a hole in the corner, and tie it on with a bit of ribbon. Voila!

Not an oatmeal cookie fan? There are 60 (!) Cookies in a Jar variations too.

More ideas? Click “comments” and add them. Got a question for Miss School Manners? Fire it off to MissSchoolManners@bayareanewsgroup.com.

Dear Worried: It’s all optional, optional, optional. But having said that … yeah, most people observe the winter holiday in some way. That’s why educators have such massive collections of “Best Teacher” coffee mugs…

(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

But this is a case where the thought really does count. Teachers will tell you they have more than enough mugs and magnets that say “A+ teacher” – but the most meaningful gifts they’ve ever received are personal letters from their students. That’s a little hard to do with first graders, of course, but here are a couple of classroom gift ideas – and we’re hoping other parents chime in with their tips too.

First, the safe bet: everyone chips in a couple dollars, the room mother buys a gift certificate to a book store or school supplies place, such as Walnut Creek’s Lakeshore, and all the kids sign the card, whether or not they contributed.

More creative…
Group photo – Pose the class on the playground, holding a “We love …” banner. Snap the pic, print an 8×10 and have it framed. Better yet, have the children sign the mat before you seal it into the picture frame.

Class advice books – Using those sheets of grade school paper where the top half is for the picture and the bottom for writing, have each child offer the teacher his advice on a specific topic. We’ve collected adorable, hilarious child-rearing advice (and illustrations) for a teacher who was pregnant, and marriage tips for one about to be wed – a second grader shared the importance of not hogging the remote control. But read-aloud tips, book suggestions and playground games are good themes too. Add a cover and have the masterpiece spiral bound at Kinko’s or another local copy shop.

Photo calendar – Take an assortment of class photos – make sure you’ve got every child represented – and have a local copy shop or online photo service make them into a 2008 calendar.

Class tote – Buy an inexpensive canvas tote and break out the fine-tipped fabric markers and Sharpie pens. Using a biscuit cutter or other circular shape as a guide, draw as many circles as there are kids in the class. Tint each face an appropriate skin tone, using a small sponge dipped in fabric paint (practice on a fabric scrap first). When dry, add a little pinkness to the cheeks. Then have each child add hair, eyes and a grin to his “face” and sign the bag. Heat set the canvas with a hot iron, according to fabric paint directions. If you’ve got enough cash in your classroom party fund, buy some picture books and tuck them into the bag.

More ideas? Click “comments” and add them!

Dear Lonely: Actually, the park is a great place to meet other parents, although you might want to find a better icebreaker. But don’t fret, the Bay Area has some wonderful and very active moms groups…
(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

You didn’t mention where you’re living, but this list of San Francisco Bay Area mothers clubs is a good place to start. It includes groups like the East Bay Moms, Iron Horse Mothers Club, Pleasant Hill/Walnut Creek Mothers and Lamorinda Moms – large, busy clubs that combine babysitting swaps and kiddie playdates with philanthropic activities, book clubs, wine tastings and other grown-up social events. There are special interest clubs for mothers of multiples, holistic moms and single parents too. Fathers? Try the East Bay Dads, a group for stay-at-home dads, and the Grateful Dads, outdoors enthusiasts who spend their weekends hiking Marin and East Bay trails with babies and tots in tow.

Some groups meet monthly, others weekly. The East Bay Moms meet every Friday, for example, alternating outoor events with indoor adventures at Berkeley’s Habitot, etc. And they’re inviting families to join them Dec. 8 for the Polar Express train ride at Sacramento’s California State Railroad Museum.

If you’re new to the area with a toddler in tow, you’re also going to be looking for a preschool, yes? The Lamorinda Moms Club is holding its annual Preschool Fair at Lafayette’s Oakwood Athletic Club on Nov. 15 from 6:30 to 9 p.m. The lineup features reps from more than 30 East Bay preschools. And the East Bay Moms Preschool & Childhood Resource Fair is January 26th at the Scottish Rite Center in Oakland.

Got a great moms group to add to the list? Hit “comments” and type away.

(Have a parenting quandary or school dilemma? Send it to Miss School Manners@BayAreaNewsGroup.com.

Dear Panicked: We’re relieved to say that very few college students have to navigate IRS-worthy volumes of paperwork, high-stakes exams, and half a dozen different life-altering essays all at once. Not till grad school applications roll around, anyway. So helping him organize those papers and deadlines? Good. Writing his essays and hounding him about your alma mater? Not good.
(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

“How to Survive Getting Your Kid Into College” (a Hundreds of Heads book ) devotes an entire chapter to overboard parents, with pretty hilarious examples. There’s the Texas mom who realized she’d gone too far when the receptionist at her kid’s first choice college started answering the phone with, “Hi, Gloria, what can I do for you today?” And the Nevada parent who waited until her son was away for the weekend, then sneaked into his room to check on his applications. The essay he’d left on top was titled, “My Mother is Crazy.” “He totally set me up,” she said.

So here’s the rule, the book says, “If you ever find yourself signing your child’s name, writing in his voice, speaking in his stead, contacting every alumnus you can find or contacting the admissions office on a regular basis, you’ve gone overboard.” And you may have jeopardized his chances for admission too.

So what can you do? Act as a sounding board. Help him get organized in whatever manner suits him best, whether that’s an Excel spreadsheet that lists every deadline, or a cardboard box full of folders. Offer to proofread the finished essays or encourage him to take advantage of the college essay writing workshops offered at many schools. Love him. Love him some more. And strongly, passionately, enthusiastically urge him not to wait till the last minute to file his online application. University servers have been known to crash when they’re inundated … 15 minutes before deadline.
- Miss School Manners

Related topics:
MISS SCHOOL MANNERS & the 30 Rejections
MISS SCHOOL MANNERS & College Admissions

“Our learning-disabled son has attended CSU East Bay for 1 1/2 quarters and we are very pleased so far… Classes are small and the counselors and professors are very approachable. Our son gets much more help than he ever got in high school. His major advisor spent 45 min going over a schedule modified to suit his learning disabilities. By way of contrast, I think my older son (at Cal) knows the name of his advisor (maybe).” – CL, Walnut Creek

“Love the University of the Pacific in Stockton – fantastic private college, small class sizes, caring faculty, gorgeous campus with an East Coast vibe (must be all those ivy-draped, brick buildings!). With one kid in a UC and another here, the differences could not be more startling.” – jb

“I think it’s tough, in today’s climate, but it would be great if kids (and their parents) could take a deep breath and realize there’s more to life than where you went to college. Education is only as good as what you do with it…” – Anonymous

“I just don’t think people in other states have NEARLY the problems we here in CA face getting our kids into colleges. And the expense? Ridiculous. We could literally send our child out of state for what we are going to be paying for instate (except he doesn’t want to go out of state) and frankly we would like to have him here as well.) It’s all crazy insane.” – Julie

Roland from the NAICU (National Association of Independent Colleges and Universities) suggests trying the “Colleges That Change Lives” website for “some of the stellar but lesser known colleges out there.” The site was inspired by Loren Pope’s book of the same name and includes profiles of Reed, Whitman, St. Johns and 37 other small, liberal arts colleges). Roland also suggests checking out his NAICU web site, which offers profiles on private colleges describing “what’s special about the individual institution, key stats, and a wealth of links to the college’s Web pages, so that prospects and their parents can ‘drill down’ easily for more information on topics of particular interest.” (NOTE: We found this site much easier to navigate than CollegeBoard.com, but it does not include public universities. Use both.)

Please, weigh in with your thoughts and recommendations! Click “comments” and have at it. Or send them (or any school- or parenting-related question) direct to MissSchoolManners@bayareanewsgroup.com

Dear Losing It: We would so like to tell you that’s an urban legend. But take a deep breath anyway. While it’s true it has become harder to get into elite universities, that’s not necessarily what happened to your unfortunate neighbor. So, first a word about the current college admissions climate. Then, some practical advice…
(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

What you’re seeing is a numbers game fueled by the largest number of college applicants in history – with no appreciable increase in the number of freshman slots available. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, the number of high school graduates has been on a steady rise since 1996 and the US Department of Education says we won’t see those numbers falter until at least 2013. More international students are applying too. The Common Application (an online form that makes it easy to apply to multiple schools at once) means applicants who once submitted their academic credentials to 3 or 4 universities, now send it to a dozen or more with a swipe of their Visa card. And to top it all off, you’ve got the insidious pressure of the US News & World Report’s college rankings – the more students a college rejects, the more “selective” it appears. Boost the number of applicants and a school automatically becomes “more selective.” So after a childhood of being told you can be anything you want to be – Reach for the stars! If you believe it, you can be it! – we now have college recruiters adding their two cents: “If you don’t apply, you’ll never know if you were Ivy League material.”

Maybe so, but there’s a case to be made for realistic expectations. Middling grades and so-so SATs do not a Harvard scholar make, nor Brown, nor Yale, nor Claremont-McKenna, nor Stanford, nor Cal. Apply to 30 dream schools, and you face the very real potential of reaping 30 rejections. That’s a harsh blow for anyone, but especially for a starry-eyed high school senior.

So ignore the US News & World Report lists. Ignore those clueless fellow parents who keep chirping about “top tier” schools. And focus instead on what schools would be a good match for your teen. Tour campuses, gauge their offerings, and look at their incoming freshman profiles – most colleges list their incoming students’ average GPA and SAT on their web sites. Or check the CollegeBoard.com site.

Then have your senior compile a list of prospective schools – a few “reach” schools, because indeed, you don’t know if you don’t try; a few that feel like good fits, where their GPA and SAT match or slightly exceed those of their incoming class; and a set of “safeties,” schools that they’d be perfectly happy attending and that they are very certain would love to have them. Every school is becoming more selective, but you can hedge your bets by being realistic, doing your homework and not letting rosy visions or parental peer pressure – “My Johnny is applying to 30 top tier schools!” cloud your judgment.

Enough with those blasted Ivies, anyway. We’re compiling a list of the best overlooked colleges – great schools with wonderful programs and happy students. Nominate your favorite university by clicking “comments” and typing in a brief description. (There’s a new batch of college apps survival books on the market. Add your e-mail address – don’t worry, it won’t appear on your post – and we’ll send the first bunch of you a copy.)

- Miss School Manners

Dear Anguished: Bullying is heartbreaking – and insidious. Often, children don’t report bullying to their parents or teachers, or they wait until they’re truly desperate. They’re embarrassed, say the experts at StopBullyingNow.com, or frightened of their attackers, or they don’t want to be labeled as a tattletale…

(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

But bullies are playground thugs – boys and girls who play out their little power trips on the blacktop, in the classroom or halls. Sometimes it’s a physical assault. Other times, it involves mental anguish. And often, it takes adult intervention to make it stop. So don’t tell your child to ignore the behavior, says the StopBullyingNow tip sheet. Ignoring it allows it to escalate. Don’t tell your child to hit or fight back. Fighting will get her suspended. And resist the impulse to contact the bully’s parents. They need to be brought into the picture, but it is the school’s responsibility to deal with them, and your informal intervention may actually make matters worse.

The school staff is your best ally – if they’d return phone calls, right? So let’s talk about that. Schools are obsessed with “following processes.” Problem is, they rarely share that process with parents. But here’s how it works. Think of a school like a corporation or a government agency – you know how much they love org charts. Schools do too. So when you call with a problem, you’re supposed to approach your child’s teacher first, because he or she knows your child and the school environment best. If you go to the principal first, the principal (or her gatekeeper) will punt it back to the teacher, because that’s the process. And they may not tell you that’s what they’re doing. No wonder you feel ignored. So you call again and this time you’re angrier, right? Your kid is getting beaten up and the principal doesn’t even have the decency to return a lousy phone call. By the third or fourth phone message, you’re so mad, you can hardly string a sentence together – and now you’re labeled “the hysterical mother.”

So here’s what you do instead. First, gather every bit of information from your daughter – what happened, where, when and who saw it? Then call your daughter’s teacher and request a face-to-face meeting to resolve the bullying situation. Be calm and rational, but be firm. The bullying must stop. Your child’s right to feel safe at school is written into California’s Education Code. There’s no gray area here. If the bullying persists, then call the principal, and tell him or her that you have already met with the teacher. And that list you have? The one with the bullying incidents? Add the date(s) you met with the teacher and a summary of what transpired. You’ll take it with you when you meet with the principal.

The vast majority of these cases get taken care of at the school site level, but if you have to chase it all the way up the org chart, that paper will serve as documentation at each level. And in the rare cases where a family actually had to take a school district to court, that documentation provided proof that school officials knew the bullying was occurring and did nothing to deal with it. But so much has been done in recent years to heighten awareness about bullying and its psychological impact on children, it’s a rare educator who still thinks playground bullies are a normal part of growing up. We think you’ll find that you and your daughter’s teacher and principal are all on the same page. Good luck.
- Miss School Manners

Dear Worried: Actually, there are many great music-making careers out there, but your husband’s fears are not entirely misplaced. The term “starving musician” didn’t come out of nowhere. Neither did “don’t give up your day job.” That said, yes, talented, passionate, very hard working musicians can make a living with their music, or put together a lifestyle that includes both performing and a day job that helps pay the rent. And yes, when it comes to college paths, there is a middle ground too …
(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

A university with a strong music department can give your son a well-rounded education as well as the music training he craves. And it will give him a chance to sample some of the other interesting subjects out there, a particularly important consideration if he’s not absolutely sure he wants to be a performing arts major.

So, two suggestions: First, check out the Visual and Performing Arts College Fair on Oct. 27 from 4 to 6 p.m. at San Francisco’s Masonic Center on Nob Hill. It’s fantastically helpful. Reps come from every conservatory and most of the major colleges and universities. (There’s parking in the basement. Bring cash – they don’t take credit cards we discovered, much to our dismay.)

Second, pick up a copy of “The Performing Arts Major’s College Guide” by Carole J. Everett. She’s the former admissions director of Juilliard, so it’s very East Coast-centric — you’ll want to supplement it with your own research on West Coast schools. But it’s the best guide out there for prospective music, dance and theater majors, and a gold mine of information for anyone facing auditions. Good luck!

Miss School Manners tackles the topic of bullies this Friday…

Dear Mystified: The PSAT is a practice version of the SAT – significantly shorter than the 4.5 hour monster, but with a similar assortment of math, reading and writing questions. The results come back with an individualized report on what exactly went wrong, which can be helpful when prepping for the SAT. But where it really counts is…

(Read more or write to Miss School Manners now)

… junior year because the 11th grade PSAT is the qualifying exam for National Merit scholarship consideration. Last year’s cut-off for “commended scholars,” according to Compass Test Prep, was 200 out of a possible 240. Californians who scored a 216 or higher became semi-finalists. (These numbers may, of course, vary from year to year.)

Some sophomores take the exam just for practice. But some, er, zealous parents use the sophomore year PSAT for assessment purposes, then get an SAT tutor to work on weak spots and pump up his chances of National Merit glory. And then there are the really zealous ones who make their kids take the PSAT in middle school too. Ahem.

Most East Bay high schools are offering the once-a-year exam Saturday morning, Oct. 20. Sign-ups are through your teen’s school. Beware: There’s a scam artist at work in Walnut Creek at the moment, phoning up Las Lomas families and telling them they can use their credit card to pay for the exam by phone. Folks, whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT or AP – none of the companies that administer these exams use telemarketers. Why would they? Parents are quite happy to throw money in their direction unprompted. PSAT and advanced placement exam fees are paid at school. SAT money goes direct to the College Board, and ACT to ACT.