If you’ve ever wondered what I’d look like as a pirate zombie (and I know you have), wonder no more. My dedication to the Bay Area Living section of our newspapers is such that when they need me to go that extra mile and wear makeup for a photo session, I don’t bat a heavily-mascaraed eye (kidding).

My intrepid, multi-talented editor, Kari Hulac, did the makeup, and the story about the joys of Halloween makeup appeared in our Saturday newspaper. The blood is from where my parrot tried to peck my eye out. And those are my real teeth (kidding).

The whole pirate thing also allows me to mention that one of my favorite pieces of theater in the entire world is Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride in Disneyland. I haven’t seen it since the “upgrade” involving new Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow audioanimatronic figures, but I trust the Disney Imagineers to maintain the integrity of Pirates, which is one of the most successfully immersive theatrical creations of all time.

If you think it’s just a ride, think again. It’s theater, matey.

The thought of a theater blog seems frivolous to me sometimes, especially on days when crazy men take hostages in a school. Or bombs fall in the Middle East. Or homicide rates ratchet up to 112 in cities where life should be better.

I guess it seems frivolous a lot of the time in this world. But when there’s stress and darkness outside, I retreat inside, and withthe help of TiVo and Netflix, I attempt escape.

One recent escape was quite successful because it involves two of my favorite funny women: Kathy Najimy and Mo Gaffney, better known as Kathy & Mo.

Occasionally the gods of DVD smile, and some treasure is rescued from obscurity.

Just such a treasure is the newly released The Complete Kathy & Mo Show, a two-disc collection from Image Entertainment of the duo’s two HBO shows, Parallel Lives from 1991 and The Dark Side from 1995.

Parallel Lives was filmed at San Francisco’s Theatre on the Square and serves as a record of a brilliant show. I had just moved to the Bay Area and ended up seeing the show four times (I was there for the HBO filming). I remember thinking to myself while I soaked up Najimy and Gaffney’s comic brilliance: “This is exactly why I moved here.”

To my mind, Najimy and Gaffney are continuing the legacy of women in comedy pioneered by the likes of Lily Tomlin and Carol Burnett. Their sketch comedy (performed with few or no props and minimal costuming) is pointed and funny, compassionate and extremely human. Two of my favorite characters of theirs are the old ladies with a passion for continuing education, Madeline and Sylvia (Mad ‘n’ Syvvie, pictured below).

The two-disc set features the two shows on one disc and then a bonus disc with vintage footage of the duo’s early work stretching back to some 1983 show captured on someone’s home video camera.

One of the more recent sketches is from Kathy & Mo’s greatest hits show, which I saw in Los Angeles in 2004. It involves a support group for all the dead or missing moms from Disney animated films. Priceless.

There’s also commentary from Kathy and Mo, which begs the question: When can we see some new Kathy and Mo material? I need — and the world needs — some intelligent, emotional escape.

Steve Kluger, a friend of Theater Dogs (FoTD), was so impressed by A Chorus Line in San Francisco (see the Aug. 25 entry) that he bought a ticket for a preview performance in New York.

Well, seems like the kids in the Chorus are poised to become a big hit…again.

Here’s what Steve has to say about his recent Broadway experience:

So I was at the first Broadway Chorus Line preview on Monday. Oh God, Chad. It was everything I wanted it to be. The applause and cheering were so consistent, it must have added 25 minutes to the running time. At the end of “I Hope I Get It”, when the cast is downstage with their headshots covering their faces, there are supposed to be four beats from the orchestra before Paul sings, “Who am I anyway? Am I my resume?” On Monday, there were 23. The audience just wouldn’t let the show go on.

My favorite part was afterward. The stage door is right on the street, so barricades were set up that would allow people to crowd against them but still permit the cast to have a narrow alley to get through. There were at least 75 people clamoring for autographs, and as each kid came out, he/she got an ovation. It generally took them each 10-15 minutes to get through the line. Stars are born. Just like in ‘75.

Sounds pretty exciting. Glad we got to see it first.

I have seen the future of cabaret, and its name is Shawn Ryan.

What, you may ask, does cabaret have to do with theater? And I answer: cabaret is theater with more music and a two-drink minimum. The jazzier cabaret gets, the more it slides out of the theatrical realm and into the musical realm, but my favorite cabaret folks — Paula West, Wesla Whitfield — bring just as much theater (drama, comedy, panache, etc.) to ther music as they do music to their music.

So now about this Shawn Ryan, Pleasanton native, summer camp operator and recent bright light on NBC’s “America’s Got Talent.” Well, I don’t know about America, but Ryan sure does.

I caught the kick-off of Ryan’s 10-city tour last Friday at the Empire Plush Room in SF, and it was the funniest, most enjoyable cabaret show I’ve seen in a long time. This kid is quite the comedian, and the laughs added a good 20 minutes to an already generous show.

My favorite musical numbers were “My New Philosophy” (the new song from the You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown revival), “I’m Checkin’ Out” (from Postcards from the Edge – eat your heart out, Meryl Streep) and a Disney jazz medley that include’s “He’s a Tramp” from Lady and the Tramp, Everybody Wants to Be a Cat (from The Aristocats) and “I Wanna Be Like You” and “The Bare Necessities” from The Jungle Book. Though he’s all about the laughs and the sass and good times, Ryan is capable of a little drama. Though he eschews ballads because, as he says, he doesn’t want to bore us, he deigns to do one of the best ballads of all time: Irving Berlin’s “I Got Lost in His Arms” and he does it without the pesky microphone.

When the Shawn Ryan express rolls through town again, just go. You’ll be glad you did.
Listen to Shawn sing and learn all you need to know at his official site here.

Some random thoughts from the Theater Dog Pound:

– Caught up with Contra Costa Musical Theatre’s hilarious and beautifully sung production of Urinetown and was delighted with some of the innovations of director Jeff Collister and his crew. Enjoyed the Phantom of the Opera reference (a candelabra coming out of sewer grate). But what I LOVED were the protestors’ signs, which read: “Faire PiPi Sans Payer” and “Free to Pee…You and Me.”

– Next summer’s Mountain Play is going to be Hair. That’s right: audiences on the slopes of lovely Mount Tamalpais will be immersed in the Age of Aquarius. This seems rather remarkable for a company that usually traffics in ye olde showes like Oklahoma! or West Side Story. Visit their Web site for information.

– At this week’s opening night of Sweet Charity, American Musical Theatre of San Jose’s energetic artistic director Tim Bair joked with the audience about the fact that the company’s financial struggles had been in the news lately. Then he said, “But I look good, don’t I? But don’t worry. The suit’s from the Salvation Army.”

– Also caught up with Marin Theatre Company’s season opener, Orson’s Shadow about Orson Welles directing Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright in a production of Ionesco’s Rhinoceros. The play by Austin Pendleton is kind of a muddle, but there are some sturdy performances by local actors Liam Vincent, Zac Jaffee, Amy Resnick, Nicholas Hormann, Steve Irish and Deborah Taylor Barrera.

– Haven’t seen too many of the new fall TV shows, but I did catch “The Class” and was delighted to see New York theater actress Julie Halston in a funny role as a main character’s loud, bellowing New Yawkish mom. Also on “The Class” is Jesse Tyler Ferguson from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (he was hippie boy Leaf Coneybear). Pleased to see Donna Murphy (Wonderful Town, Passion), however briefly, on NBC’s stellar “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” She seems to be playing Bradley Whitford’s agent/lawyer/assistant, so perhaps she’ll be back.

I know it’s not theater related, but if you’ve seen new TV stuff you like, please share with the whole class.

My dream of the dance hall girl with the heart of gold crumbled last night.

I went San Jose to see the touring production of Sweet Charity based on last year’s Broadway revival. I was excited to see star Molly Ringwald (”Oh, look, Fred! She’s got her boobies!” — Sixteen Candles), but what really excited me was seeing the musical live on stage for the first time.

Before last night I had only ever seen the mostly terrible Bob Fosse-directed movie version starring Shirley MacLaine (love you, Shirley, but the movie’s a clunker). I know the original cast album with Gwen Verdon well enough to know that the Cy Coleman-Carolyn Leigh score has some real treasures, “Big Spender,” “If My Friends Could See Me Now,” “There’s Gotta Be Something Better Than This” and “Baby, Dream Your Dream” among them.

But what I didn’t know is that Sweet Charity is just not a very good show. The source material, Fellini’s Nights of Cabiria starring the incomparable Giulietta Masina, is so good that even a wan copy could still pack some punch. Well, not in Neil Simon’s surprisingly weak and unfunny adaptation.

And the score has some real duds. I mean, come on people, “You Should See Yourself,” “Charity’s Soliloquy,” “Too Many Tomorrows,” “I’m the Bravest Individual,” “Sweet Charity” (much better in another form as “You Wanna Bet”), “I’m a Brass Band” and “I Love to Cry at Weddings” are lame. I didn’t mention “The Rhythm of Life” because that deserves special condemnation all its own. That is a TERRIBLE song and a terrible scene. I vote to strike it from the record.

As for Miss Molly, she’s adorable and a real trouper, but she doesn’t have that special Broadway something. The role of Charity requires some real dazzle, and Molly’s sweet, but in a girl-next-door kind of way, which may be more effective on screen than on stage.

Fun, laughs, good times? Well, almost.

P.S. Anybody up for Breakfast Club: The Musical?

Get out your kites, kids. Marlo Thomas is coming to San Francisco.

Yes, erstwhile Ann Marie, TV’s first (semi) liberated lady with the keenest fashion sense in all Manhattan is coming to the Magic Theatre.

What’s even better is that Thomas headlines an already exciting show: Moving Right Along is a collection of three short plays by Elaine May and Jan Mirochek and directed by May and her daughter, Jeannie Berlin.

Even though May’s brilliant partnership with Mike Nichols on their Nichols and May comedy team ended decades ago, their work together remains some of the freshest and funniest comedy ever recorded. If you don’t know their routines, go out and and find anything you can get your hands on (you can start here). Of May’s bumpy movie career, we’ll commend her writer/director efforts on The Heartbreak Kid and A New Leaf and not even mention Ishtar. May was also fantastic as an actor in Woody Allen’s Small Time Crooks.

May’s distinctive voice should be a good match for Thomas (Mrs. Phil Donahue, in case you forgot), who was terrific in the national tour of Six Degrees of Separation. The two are old friends, and if audiences are really good, maybe Thomas will perform something from Free to Be…You and Me after the curtain call.

Moving Right Along opens in October. Visit the Magic’s Web site here.

Rosie O’Donnell has indeed brought Broadway back to daytime. Last week on The View, she interviewed Georgia Engel and unleashed Tony-winners Bob Martin (who should win awards as the most endearing man in a sweater ever on Broadway) and Beth Leavel, who sang a belt-’til-they-applaud version of “Stumble Along,” her ode to drunkenness as life’s aspiration.

We can expect to see more Broadway bits as the season progresses. Could the Chorus Line kids be far behind? A tip of the Bob Fosse bowler hat to Regis & Kelly for allowing Broadway troupers to grace their soundstage as well.

In another daytime Broadway vein, Megan Mullally, the Emmy-winning star of Will & Grace and a Broadway veteran (the Matthew Broderick revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying), opened her brand-new talk show with — get this — a production number. She used songs from Hair outfitted with new lyrics and a motley back-up crew to separate herself from other talkers like Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray and Ellen DeGeneres. Mullally’s the only one who’ll be singing on her show. It’s a good distinction to have because, so far, her skills as a talk-show host are minimal at best. I hate to say it, but we miss Karen Walker.

Now the question is: If Broadway’s back in daytime, will Broadway’s boom just get boomier?

I wasn’t sure I was going to write about this. I thought perhaps it was too self-aggrandizing.
But this is the blogosphere, right? Anything goes.

So let me tell you about the best thing that happened to me this summer: getting my name dropped by Matt Lauer and Martin Short on the Today show at the end of July.

Short was on plugging his new Broadway show, Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me, which, as you all know, had its world premiere in San Francisco.

You can watch the clip here. My part comes in at around 1:50 in case you want to fast forward (you folks on Apples probably won’t be able to view the clip — sorry).

In case you don’t want to (or can’t) watch the clip, here’s a transcript:

Matt Lauer: Can I brag on you a little bit? You’ve been doing the show in other cities, and the reviews have been fantastic. Of course these are the reviews that you’ve handed me…

Martin Short: …And changed.

Matt Lauer: Yeah, exactly. [reading] “Martin Short’s new Broadway-bound show is goofy, silly, crass and crude. In other words, it is comedy heaven.” We just want to give a shout out to the writer, Chad Jones of the Oakland Tribune for that one.

Martin Short: I love Chad!

The bit goes on, but after that, who needs to hear the rest of it?

One of the great things to come out of the experience was that a nice man from Holland-America cruises saw the show and contacted me about lecturing on cruise ships. So if any of your are cruising to Hawaii in February, guess who will be on board talking about the current Broadway season, movie musicals since 1980 (viva Grease 2!) and other theatrical topics?

Ahoy and aloha.

If you’re not listening to Michael Rice’s Cool As Hell Theatre Podcast, you’re missing out.

Rice interviews all kinds of Bay Area theater folks about their lives and work, but what’s really cool as hell (sorry, Michael) is the way he manages to steer the conversation in such interesting, unexpected places. Just listen to his recent interview with Erin Blackwell about a show she directed in the San Francisco Fringe Festival. Really good stuff. Hilarious, in fact.

I was curious about Rice and the reason he decided to pioneer the art of Bay Area theater podcasts, so he kindly agreed to be Theatre Dogs’ first blog interview.

So, Michael, why did you start the Cool As Hell Theatre Podcast?

I started the Cool As Hell Theatre Podcast out of frustration. I had been
putting together my brilliant one man show (yes I have an ego when it comes
to acting), but I knew that I did not want to do the traditional and
antiquated postcard marketing thing. So as I was putting together my one-man
show, I thought long and hard about marketing ideas. At the time, I loved
this program called FLASH, which was used to design interactive websites. I
had a designer create an interactive design that I put onto CD. I then
distributed this CD to different arts venues and such. I handed them out to
people coming out of shows. I thought it was a brilliant idea, until the day
of my opening and 2 people showed up. You can see what was on the CD by going to www.MichaelWayneRice.com. Click enter, and after the brief intro, hover over the panels and click to see the picture and hear the vocal. It may need some time to load.

So how did that lead to the podcast?

After that failure, I was still convinced that there was a better way to
market theatre. So I pondered for a while, and a friend mentioned blogging
to me. It was a good idea, but at that time, a little over a year ago,
blogging was already a pretty mature platform and I knew that I would not
write on a consistent basis.

So as I was researching blogging, I came across the term podcasting. I
researched that for what turned into an all-night affair because as I began
to understand what it was all about, I knew that it would be the platform
for self-promotion. But not long after seeing that it would be great for
self-promotion, I saw a bigger picture, and realized it would be a great
vehicle for promoting the theater profession.

From whence do you hail?

I am from the Bay Area. I was born in San Bernardino but moved to the
Bay Area in my infancy.

How did you get involved in theater?

I got involved in the theatre scene after being a cellular and molecular
biology major (I wanted to be an opthalmologist) and realized that I was
not smart enough to handle the physics that would be necessary to become an
eye surgeon. I had to change my major, and after a few detours with
different majors (physical therapy, occupational therapy), I decided I
wanted to act. And so at the age of 26 I went to the theater department at
California State University Northridge and joined the department. Two years
later I graduated and went to Graduate School at the University of Missouri
@ Kansas City.

What’s your ultimate theatrical goal?

My theatrical goal is to let my genius shine for the world to see. (But
first I gotta get off my ass and perform)

As Michael frequently says fon the podcast, cool, cool, cool. Find out more and subscribe to the podcast here.