Am I the only one alarmed to learn that today (Nov. 30) is the birthday of both Mandy Patinkin (Tony Award-winning, over-emoting singer, TV star actor) and Clay Aiken (American Idol and recording star of dubious sexuality and even dubiouser appeal)?
Mandy is 54 and Clay is 28. Happy birthday to both.

Last week, in honor of Thanksgiving, the critics of ANG Newspapers gathered an assortment of the year’s turkeys. Being one who prefers positive over the negative, I offer my turkeys and promise that the coming weeks will be full of the bests.

Golden Turkey Awards: Theater

I’m happy to report that there were far more good shows than bad on Bay Area stages in 2006. That’s generally the case, and when bad shows do pop up, they’re usually an example of a theater company attempting to make an artistic leap, hatch a new play or challenge complacent audiences.
Such examples of bad shows happening to good companies are California Shakespeare Theater’s The Merchant of Venice, TheatreFirst’s Criminal Genius or Magic Theatre’s The Ice-Breaker. But then there are the stinkers _ the shows you wish you hadn’t seen, that owe you hours of your life back. Here are five such shows:

Lestat, Best of Broadway
The Elton John-Anne Rice vampire musical that sucked harder than any other show in recent memory with its unlistenable songs, absurd performances and Vegas-ready design. Hugh Panaro (left, with Allison Fischer, who somehow managed to be good) gave the cheesiest performance of the year. Talk about major suckage…

Slava’s Snowshow, Best of Broadway
An unfunny clown show is painful, and when one of the giant balloons at the finale beaned me in the face, I knew theatrical and physical pain.

The Tempest, San Francisco Shakespeare Festival
Exactly the kind of production that makes people think Shakespeare is for brainiac English geeks, this free Shakespeare in the Park show reduced a mighty, magical play to inscrutable piffle.

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus’ The Greatest Show on
Earth, 136th edition
An attempt to make a more theatrical circus reduced an American classic from three rings to one, gave it a lobotomy and even made the glorious elephants look ashamed.

Iphigenia at Aulis, San Jose Repertory Theatre
Not to hit a company while it’s down, but this misguided, over-directed production of a Greek classic is a pretty good example of a company out of touch with its audience and dazzled by its own inflated sense of importance.

Don’t you love it when a celebrated London/Broadway play gets filmed with the original director and original cast? OK, so that hardly ever happens, but it has happend with Alan Bennett’s The History Boys. The play was hyperbolically huzzahed in London, and in New York, it won a ton o’ Tony Awards earlier this year..

Last week (at least in San Francisco), the movie opened, which made me grateful I hadn’t spent money on airplane tickets to either New York or London to see it. But let me say this: I’m sure it’s a much better play than movie.

Not that it’s a bad movie — it’s just trapped somewhere between being a lively (if unrealistic) play and a full-blown movie. As is, it’s stilted and sort of annoying (anytime characters quote from the great poets rather than recite their own dialogue gives me the willies).

Richard Griffiths as the headmaster with a penchant for fondling his male students does the most quote spouting (or gobbet spouting as they say in the movie), and he’s also — I hate to say this about such a lauded performance — irritating as all get out.

Frances de la Tour, on the other hand, is a marvel of control and restraint. She makes the most of a small role and makes us wish Bennett had given her more to do.

What I didn’t realize was that The History Boys was a musical of sorts, which must have been charming on stage. The boys (as part of the cultural learning) sing Rodgers and Hart and Gracie Fields songs (and a sweet “Bye, Bye Blackbird”). And if you stay for the credits, there’s a nice Rufus Wainwright version of “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” with all the funny, slightly racy lyrics.

As for the young actors playing the Oxford and Cambridge hopefuls, they’re just fine (special shout out to Samuel Barnett as Posner, who does most of the singing).

This is a good movie to save for DVD — watch it on a Yorkshire-like rainy day. And you can gobbet me on that.

As I understand it, my responsibility as a blogger is that elusive thing called BUZZ.

That said, let me buzz a little about Dreamgirls, which I saw last week after spending much of the year in jittery anticipation of its arrival.

First off, I love that the movie is dedicated to the memory of Michael Bennett, the director and co-producer/co-choreographer of the original 1981 Broadway production. Bennett’s fluid style was all over Dreamgirls in the way songs, scenes and dialogue flowed seamlessly, one into the other.

I’m not going to do a full-on review of Bill Condon’s movie except to say that it’s good, and parts of it are great. On the continuum of recent Broadway-to-movie adaptations, it’s not as good as Chicago, but it’s a whole lot better than Rent, The Producers and The Phantom of the Opera.

Jennifer Hudson (left) as Effie Melody White steals the show (as any good Effie should — this really is her story) and wipes the floor with Miss Beyonce, who couldn’t look more fabulous. But let me say that she and Diana Ross have more in common than they know.

American Conservatory Theater grad Anika Noni Rose is pretty wonderful, as is Eddie Murphy, whose final musical number is fantastic

Amid all the flash and spectacle of Dreamgirls, there are still issues: is this a real-life drama set in the music industry with lots of musical numbers? Or is this a full-on musical where people .burst into song when they might otherwise speak like normal people?

There’s some squeamishness about these issues in Dreamgirls, and all the fancy editing and flashing lights in the world can’t disguise that.

Still, it’s pretty great to be discussing a big musical this holiday season, so go see Dreamgirls and turn it into a box-office success so they’ll keep turning Broadway shows into movies.

In fact, you can see Dreamgirls early — if you want to pony up $25 (which includes a souvenir program) — when it opens Dec. 15 at the Metreon in San Francisco as part of a limited engagement “road show” in SF, New York and Los Angeles. Click here for more information.

OK, so my dreams of Amy Sedaris becoming a Broadway musical star in Legally Blonde have been dashed. But with the official announcement of the full cast, I can hardly be disappointed.

In addition to previously announced Laura Bell Bundy as Elle and Kate Shindle as Vivienne, the cast includes Orfeh as Paulette, Christian Borle (late of Spamalot) as Emmett, Richard H. Blake (late of The Wedding Singer) as Warner, Nikki Snelson as Brooke and — this one is exciting — Tony-winner Michael Rupert (right) as Professor Callahan.

“Going Blonde: The Road to Broadway” is Broadway.com’s ongoing behind-the-scenes peek as Blonde rolls toward its April Broadway opening. Meet the cast in the latest episode here.

Tickets ($35-$90) go on sale to the general public Dec. 3 for the San Francisco run (Jan. 23-Feb. 24). Visit shnsf.com for information.

Listening to some of this year’s holiday CD offerings, I can heartily recommend two so far.

“Cool Yule,” Bette Midler (Columbia)Divinity and Christmas are, of course, related, so it’s no wonder that the Divine Miss M. finally checks in with a Christmas album. The results are so good you have wonder, what took so long? Nevermind that this nice Jewish lady from Hawaii has recorded a Christmas album (Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond have recorded four Christmas albums between them). Midler brings her customary sass and humor to “Merry Christmas” and “Cool Yule” but lends her dramatic heft to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.” Don’t miss her “Mele Kalikimaka,” and though it sounds cheesy, her re-hash of “From a Distance (Christmas Version)” actually reveals that the heavy ballad was always meant to be a Christmas song. I know it sounds crazy, but the sap-happy “Distance” really works as a carol. No, really. It does.

For more Ms. M or to sample her Christmas fare, visit her Web site.

“Broadway’s Greatest Gifts: Carols for a Cure, Vol. 8,” Various Artists (Rock-It Science)
The casts from Broadway musicals — mostly the crop currently on the boards _ jazz up the holiday soundscape with a wildly varied and highly entertaining two-disc collection of tunes both new and old to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. The ensemble from The Color Purple does gorgeous things with a medley of “Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella,” “Joy to the World” and “Go Tell It on the Mountain,” while more comic tunes come from The Wedding Singer (Adam Sandler’s “The Hanukah Song”), Avenue Q (“The Holi-daze”) and Altar Boyz (“Joseph’s Dilemma”).

My personal favorites are from the ever-bizarre Kiki and Herb warbling through “Like a Snowman” and the Rent cast doing “Angels We Have Heard on High” with Jonathan Larson’s melody for “Santa Fe” worked on. I also thoroughly enjoyed the gross, funny and sweet Christmas story from the [title of show] cast and the Spamalot holiday tale involving Brian, the man who isn’t Jesus from Monty Python’s The Life of Brian.

You can purchase “Broadway’s Greatest Gift” and other fundraising items from BC/EFA here.

If you discover any not-to-be-missed holiday music, please let me and the other Theater Dogs know.

Read our music critic Jim Harrington’s excellent review of the Streisand concert here.

At first, Barbra Streisand was the kooky kid with the voice. Then she was an Academy Award winner and a box-office sensation. By the time she was a mother, feminist, activist and superstar, Streisand was already a legend.

But what does a legend do to remain legendary? In Streisand’s case, you pull away from the limelight. You still crank out albums to meet your recording obligations. You make (or direct) the occasional movie. And you raise money for the Democrats.

And then, if you’re really lucky (and want to work your butt off), you decide to make sure they know you’ve still got it. You go on tour — maybe two or three times because saying goodbye takes a long time — and you blow people’s minds.

That’s what Streisand did Monday night at the HP Pavilion in San Jose. As she nears the end of her farewell tour, her voice is a little ragged, but such an extraordinary instrument can stand a few rough spots and still soar.

Monday’s show was, like all the others before it, very nearly Barbra unplugged — just her and a 54-piece orchestra. No video montages, no fancy sets. There was a guest (the operatic quartet Il Divo), but they were basically back-up boys.

Barbra fans such as myself were in heaven. The only downside was toward the beginning of the show when Streisand came out singing “Starting Here, Starting Now.” I whooped and hollered to make sure Barbra knew I was there (after spending $350 she perhaps should have tossed me one of her earrings). And the older lady sitting in front of me, apparently not at all pleased by my volume, turned around with her pinched little face and actually wagged her finger at me.

But nothing could dim my enthusiasm. This was relaxed Barbra, happy Barbra (her men and women took the House and the Senate last week, and she’s positively aglow). And most importantly from the Theater Dogs point of view, this was show tune Barbra.

Here are the theater songs she performed in San Jose: “Starting Here, Starting Now” (Starting Here, Starting Now Maltby/Shire), “Come Rain or Come Shine” (St. Louis Woman Arlen/Mercer), “The Music of the Night” (The Phantom of the Opera, Lloyd Webber/Hart), “Unusual Way” (Nine Yeston), “Carefully Taught” and “Cockeyed Optimist” (South Pacific, Rodgers/Hammerstein), “Children Will Listen” (Into the Woods, Sondheim), “Somewhere” (West Side Story, Berstein/Sondheim) and a whole heap of songs from Funny Girl (Styne/Merrill): “The Music that Makes Me Dance,” “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and “People” from the Broadway show and “Funny Girl” and “My Man” from the movie.

In the Q&A when she read from notecards submitted by audience members, Streisand was prompted to say, “Shoot the swans? Dese lovelies?” from Funny Girl, and she recalled getting a voice lesson in San Francisco after losing her voice during a gig at the hungry i. She said the voice loss was psychological prompted by someone asking her how she held her notes so long. “I don’t know,” she answered the person. “Because I want to?”

My favorite songs of the evening: “Have I Stayed Too Long at the Fair?,” “Down with Love,” “What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?,” “The Woman in the Moon,” “Cockeyed Optimist,” “My Shining Hour” and “Happy Days Are Here Again” (performed with such glee you knew she meant every word).

And yes, the George W. Bush impersonator Steve Bridges showed up and was hilarious. He said last Tuesday had given him a good “Texas thumpin’.” “What’s that?” Streisand asked. “It’s when your butt stays blue for two years. He he he he.” He and Barbra sang a new duet on “Side by Side” with newly re-written lyrics about Madame Speaker, Nancy Pelosi (to whom Streisand dedicated “The Woman in the Moon” along with the 71 women in the House andthe 16 in the Senate).

Streisand recited a long quote by William Saroyan from the preface to his play The Time of Your Life, and it captures beautifully the spirit of the evening (especially considering she cut out the part about killing):

In the time of your life, live…Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding place and let it be free and unashamed…Be inferior of no man, nor of any man be the superior. Remember that every man is a variation of yourself…In the time of your life, live — so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the mystery and sorrow of the word, but shall smile to the infite delight and mystery of it.

While I’m at it, I thought I’d share with you this treat from the folks at YouTube.com and SimplyStreisand.com.

It’s a live recording session of La Streisand singing “Make Our Garden Grow” from Candide.

I have no idea why this beauty has never been released. And there are others on YouTube. Look for Streisand singing “Moonfall” from The Mystery of Edwin Drood.

On Monday (Nov. 13) I will be one of thousands making the trek to San Jose’s HP Pavilion to see Barbra Streisand say farewell to live performance (again).

I’m admitting it here, in public, amidst my Dogs, that I am a lifelong lover of BS. I’ve been with her through it all, including good taste and bad taste (hers and mine), good movies and bad (hers), good songs and bad (hers again). I saw her say farewell six years ago in Los Angeles, and I wasn’t about to miss the opportunity to see her in my own backyard (so to speak).

In our Nov. 12 paper we ran a Barbra extravaganza penned by yours truly. You can read it here, but you’ll miss the brilliant graphics by Greg Traverso of our graphics department.

One of the things I included was something I called The Perfect Streisand Mix, which is really just a compliaton of some of favorite BS tunes that you might not necesarily know. I re-print the list below with a few additions because in cyberspace, there are no space limitations.

Oh, and Rosie O’Donnell, if you’re reading (and of course she is — Lily Tomlin told her to never miss a Theater Dogs blog entry), I want to be in your Barbra Streisand fan documentary. Rosie, you and I speak each other’s sentences when it comes to Barbra and Broadway.

The perfect Streisand playlist
In this world of online music downloading and portable playlists, we offer the following (highly subjective but based on decades of research) menu of Streisand delicacies. These aren’t necessarily the hits, but they’re great.

“Down with Love” (from “The Second Barbra Streisand Album,” 1963)
“If I Could” (from “Higher Ground,” 1997)
“Jingle Bells?” (from “A Christmas Album,” 1967)
“Where or When” (from “Color Me Barbra,” 1966)
“Since I Fell for You” (from “Barbra Joan Streisand,” 1971)
“Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead” (from “Harold Sings Arlen with Friend,” 1966)
“My Man” (from “Funny Girl,” the original motion picture soundtrack, 1968)
“Pavane (Vocalise)” (from “Classical Barbra,” 1976)
“Love with All the Trimmings” (from “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever,” original motion picture soundtrack, 1970)
“Sweet Inspiration/Where You Lead” (from “Live Concert at the Forum,” 1972)
“Clear Sailing” (from “Emotion,” 1984)
“Yentl Medley” (from “Barbra: The Concert,” 1984)
“I’ll Be Home” (from “Stoney End,” 1971)
“Somewhere” (from “The Broadway Album,” 1985)

I’d also add: “More In Love with You” (from “The Movie Album,” 2003); “Letting Go” (from “Guilty Pleasures,” 2005); “Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again” (from “Duets,” 2002);
“Places That Belong to You” (from “The Prince of Tides,” original motion picture soundtrack, 1991); “Pretty Women/The Ladies Who Lunch” (from “The Broadway Album,” 1985); “One More Night” (from “Songbird,” 1978); “The Woman in the Moon” (from“A Star Is Born,” original motion picture soundtrack, 1976); “There’s Gonna Be A Great Day” (from “Funny Lady,” original motion picture soundtrack, 1975); “Pieces of Dreams” (from “The Way We Were,” 1974); “I Never Has Seen Snow” (from “Barbra Streisand…and Other Musical Instruments,” 1973).

I’ll blog about the concert after I catch my breath.

This weekend, the Castro Theatre in San Francisco opens a Tennessee Williams film festival sure to excite cats on hot tin roofs everywhere.

The fest begins Sunday (Nov. 12) with Marlon Brando in a tight T-shirt (wouldn’t he have looked good in a forthcoming Theater Dogs T-shirt?) in A Streetcar Named Desire, probably the best stage-to-screen adaptation of any Williams work. Streetcar is in a double feature with The Fugitive Kind starring Brando, Joanne Woodward and Anna Magnani.

The bill for Monday (Nov. 13) includes Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Paul Newman in pajama bottoms and Elizabeth Taylor in a slip — see how discussion of Williams devolves into things of a more erotic nature?) featured with Sweet Bird of Youth starring Newman and Geraldine Page.

The lineup on Tuesday (Nov. 14) is Suddenly Last Summer with Taylor, Katharine Hepburn and Montgomery Clift chewing up the high-calorie scenery, and The Rose Tattoo with Magnani and Burt Lancaster.

Wednesday (Nov. 15) sees Night of the Iguana paired with Boom! (a disaster only worth seeing for Noel Coward’s grace under pressure); and Thursday (Nov. 16, the final day of the fest) offers This Property Is Condemned with Robert Redford and Natalie Wood and Baby Doll with Carroll Baker.

The Castro Theatre (if you haven’t been, it’s one of the last gorgeous movie palaces in the Bay Area) is at 429 Castro St., San Francisco. Call (415) 621-6120 or visit www.castrotheatre.com for information.