I’m really not kidding.  The following running backs either got injured, aggravated an existing injury or didn’t play in Week 14:

• Frank Gore
• Clinton Portis
• Marion Barber
• Peyton Hillis
• Willis McGahee
• Ray Rice
• Brandon Jacobs

If you’re keeping score that’s two of the three running backs on the Ravens (McGahee and Rice), the fifth Broncos running back to sustain an injury this year (Hillis) and the third, eighth, 10th and 14th leading rushers in the NFL so far (Portis, Jacobs, Gore and Barber respectively).

And next week the playoffs begin.

So what do you do if you have one of these seven guys on your roster?  Other than burst into tears in an embarrassing display of sorrow?  (Seriously, stop crying, it’s embarrassing.)

If you have Gore: He really wants to play next week in Miami considering he went to Miami and grew up in Florida, and x-rays came back negative, so there’s a chance he’ll play.  He’s a tough guy and he’s played through worse.  You’ll probably know his status by the end of the week.

If he is out, Deshaun Foster is the logical first choice but he didn’t exactly set the field on fire against the Jets once Gore went out.  Your best bet for a replacement is probably Le’Ron McClain, the last man standing in the Ravens backfield.  Grab him if he’s available as insurance.

If you have Portis: He’ll probably play.  He’s played through these injuries before, I’d be surprised if he succumbs to them now.  But if you think this is finally the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back Ladell Betts replaced him against Baltimore when he got pulled, he would be the insurance pickup.

If you have McGahee or Rice: You probably shouldn’t have been relying on them anyway, and if you were your season is probably over by now.  The only thing worse than a two-headed backfield is a three-headed backfield.  However, if you did the improbable and got to the playoffs starting either of these guys, grab Le’Ron McClain right now.  He’ll be better than either one now that he’ll get the bulk of the load.

If you have Barber: Barber was a surprise scratch Sunday so if anything you could be getting him back.  If not, and if your backup plan was one of the other guys on the list, Tashard Choice is the guy if you don’t have him as a handcuff already.

If you have Jacobs: The extent of Jacobs’ injury is unknown.  In fact he claims he could have gone back in against the Eagles but they held him out as a precaution (and because he was ineffective anyway).  If you’re counting on him follow the injury reports to see if you’ll even need to worry about it, he doesn’t seem worried so it may be a false alarm.  If it’s more serious than he’s making it sound Derrick Ward is the guy to step in for him, though he’ll be splitting carries with Ahmad Bradshaw.

If you have Hillis: Odds are you picked up Hillis because your previous running back got injured.  Odds are right now you hate fantasy football, the NFL, Mike Shanahan and probably Al Davis just in case he had something to do with this.  I don’t really blame you.  And you could also probably place some blame on Mike Nolan too.

So what do you do now that Hillis is out too?  The logical course of action would be to assume fate is trying to discourage you from playing this year.  But you’re not a quitter so you won’t do that.  Instead you’ll pick up one of the guys listed above and persevere.  Don’t bother picking up Broncos RB #6, he’s probably cursed too.

But there is some good running back news…

Meanwhile, if you have Brian Westbrook you’re in pretty good shape.  Turns out Westbrook is good.  Very good.  Single-handedly beat the one-loss Giants good.  Ok, not single-handedly, the Eagles D had a part in it, but he was the entire offense.

How does this help you recover from the downfall of your Portis/Jacobs backfield?  It doesn’t.  Sorry, you’re still screwed.  But remember this for next year’s draft.  LT is a shadow of his former self and many of the top picks at running back busted pretty hard this year.  Adrian Peterson is the obvious #1, he’s both young and good, but I think Westbrook might be #2.

You may not be laughing at that statement now (Ok, so you might, but pretend it’s 1:00 Sunday and you just watched him eviscerate the Giants.) but Westbrook is possibly the most consistently underrated fantasy back in the NFL.  Everyone seems to forget just how good he is in the offseason.

So next year when you’re picking #2 and Westbrook is still on the board consider the words of Misti, the Official IFS Eagles Fan: “He’s mine, bitches!  He’s mine and no one else can have him.  I only accept the best.” And she’s a Philly sports fan, she usually hates the Eagles.