AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill

Kate Beckinsale steps on to the red carpet at the L.A. premiere of Snow Angels in this color appropriate flowy frock that is as saintly as the title of the movie.

I just felt I had to mention how beautiful she looked before the weekend.

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I am sure that the blogosphere has exploded with the latest “Hollywood Issue” of Vanity Fair and it’s probably old news - but I just can’t stop staring at it. These are the real ladies of Hollywood. For once, it was nice to see a magazine that didn’t have the mugs of Brit or Paris - these females live up to the image of a lady. The spread (shot by Annie Liebowitz) includes actresses Emily Blunt, Amy Adams, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Alice Braga, Ellen Page, Zoë Saldana, Elizabeth Banks, Ginnifer Goodwin, and America Ferrera. All of them look flawlessly fresh and stunning, dressed in feminine “Old Hollywood” garments drenched in an Easter egg color palette.

For real, I can just stare at this picture for hours.

Photo: Jim DeYonker /The CW

Watching any season of America’s Next Top Model is sadomaschostic, self-mutilating and it’s like throwing yourself in the violent mess of a train wreck.

I enjoy every minute of it.

The show is the equivalent to my smoking habit. You know it’s bad for you, but you do it anyway.

The show has the tendency to ease your mind because it makes you feel like your life isn’t that bad.

On an annoyance scale of 1-10, this season is bubbling over with brain-bleeding drama that cannot be defined by a useless number scale.

I finally caught up with my DVR and watched the first two episodes. I felt like boring my eyes out and throwing them at the TV. That’s how much I love this narcotic of a reality show.

This is not a guilty pleasure. This is a painful pleasure that is worthy of purgatory.

In this week’s episode, the girls had to pose and act like they were homeless. Boring.

This girl (who’s name I can’t even remember) kicked herself off the show because she was the queen of all idiots. She said she wasn’t into high fashion so she hit the road. Why the hell try out for this annoying show? She is more annoying than the show itself.

I think the most exciting part of the show is judging when it becomes a “TYRAPALOOZA.”

That said, let the dialogue begin:

Tyra: So let’s talk about the girls this week. I am so glad that they aren’t competing against me. I mean, I designed this set on my Magnadoodle and then built it out of some tinker toys and a Lite Brite I found in my basement. I am a model. I was a supermodel. Oh my god - I am such a model and I have a talk show and I wear weaves sometimes. I am in charge of this show, but enough about me, let’s talk about Tyra Banks.”

The newest judge, supermodel Paulina Porizkova (left): In the Czech Republic, we show our cleavage like this.

Tyra: During my early days as a model, they taught us to put our hands on our chin and give an airy smile like I am doing right now. This makes you look smart and draws attention to your face. I have a lovely face and I love talking about it.

Tyra: They also taught us to use a black crayon as eye liner. This accentuates the eyes. I am really good at smiling with my eyes. Right now, I am farting with my eyes.

After a grueling deliberation, it came down to two girls (again, I don’t know their names.) One would still have a chance to become America’s Next Top Model. The other would have to immediately go back to the apartment, eat a whole box of Twinkies, pack her bags and go home.

Paulina: If either of you girls cry after this elimination, I will choke you with my big Czech Republic hands.

The girl in the red is eliminated.

Girl on the right: Oh my God! I am safe! I have to hold the tears in or else Paulina will put her man hands around my supple throat! Did Tyra fart through her eyes again? It smells like supermodel diarrhea.

I can’t wait till next week’s show.

Call me crazy, but I was kind of excited when they said Paula Abdul was releasing a new single. I guess it was because she was my first concert.

Notice the shameless promotion for American Idol with cameos from Randy Jackson and the rest of the gang in the Dance Like There’s No Tomorrowvideo:

The song is catchy. The video looks like she hasn’t skipped a beat since her Vibeology days:

…but she seems more sedated in her new video.

And who can forget this unforgettable performance:

Isn’t the wardrobing in all three videos just spectacular?

If I had been born beautiful, I’m damn sure I wouldn’t be writing books and then hauling my ass all over the country promoting them like a pharmaceuticals-sales rep. If I looked like Brad Pitt I would be the laziest, dumbest guy in the world. And I would be happy. I certainly don’t feel superior because I am well-read and understand something about particle physics and cosmology. I have nothing better to do so I might as well read. If I had thick hair and perfect features? I would have something better to do: walk in public.

- author Augusten Burroughs, talking about the benefits of being beautiful in the article, Whoever Said Life is Fair was Lying in the March 2008 issue of Details

February may be categorized under the season of winter, but with the weather we have been having in the Bay Area as of late, it feels like spring. That said, it’s time to wear the gingham.

Gingham is definitely the pattern of the season. It epitomizes Americana, and when worn the right way, it can look very modern and chic. For the females, it gives the nostalgic “girl-next-door” vibe. For the dudes, it embodies the “good ol’ boy” in all of us.

When choosing a nice gingham, opt for the smaller scaled pattern, rather than the big checkerboard print. You don’t want to look like a picnic blanket.

Velvet condom.

Human hair.

Tim Gunn’s gag reflex.

That’s pretty much all I got from tonight’s episode. Well, there was a lot more but I said those three things in a free association fit.

Like every other season, Tim goes on and visits the designers to check on the progress of their collections. Nothing really groundbreaking here. I think I am not really stunned because I already saw the show in NY.

Christian took a Gothic inspiration from a romantic angle. Chris took the Gothic route with an stunning overcast of glamor (if you read my article this week, you learned that he used human hair in some of his pieces.) Rami used Joan of Arc as his muse and went outside his draping comfort zone with a peppering of structured pieces. Jillian picked up where she left off with the art-based challenge and tinkered with the concept of armor.

But the real question is, who was in? Rami or Chris?

And the answer to that is…

Yes…our Bay Area native Chris was auf’d. I was actually kind of sad because I learned to like him even more when I had the chance to interview him. Plus, it’s sad because he worked so hard on a 12-piece collection and, even though he got to show it - it won’t be televised for the world to see - but you can see it here.

In any matter, Chris did have some tough competition. Rami’s three pieces were gorgeous - not saying that Chris’s weren’t (even though Michael Kors called one of his gowns a “velvet condom” and Tim Gunn was pleasantly gagging at the sight of the human hair.) Nonetheless, Chris will always be a winner in the Bay Area -oh my. Was that a cheesy line? Yes, I believe it was.

So the final three for this season of Project Runway are Jillian, Christian and Rami.

My choice? Even though Christian’s ego is getting a bit inflated, my endorsement goes to him. His collection was amazing - but you’ll see it next week.

I love New York Fashion Week. I love American designers - but when I see pictures from the collections of the various fashion weeks in Europe, I have this visceral response of awe, inspiration and intrigue.

In terms of fashion, Europe and America are in two different spheres that have an appreciative creative vision. We (and in we, I am referring to America) tend to be more functional and we push the envelope just enough to where it isn’t too outrageous. There is a certain amount of risk and ambition that many stateside designers wade in, but they never take the blind plunge.

At the Milan, London and Paris Fashion Weeks, designers tend to drown themselves in risk and ambition, throwing caution to the wind. Many of their designers don’t seem to have second thoughts. They have a vision and they go with it.

For the most part, the pieces at New York Fashion Week come to life with subtle flair that is wearable and stimulates the mind in a way paintings do in a modern art museum. They teeter on the fence between over the top and safe. All the clothing I have seen in New York is very consumer driven - there’s a lot of thought of wearability and what buyers and the more-than-average fashionista would want.

On the other hand, European fashion weeks are walking art installations. To be blunt, it seems like the designers don’t really care what the average consumer wants. Instead, there’s more emphasis of the conceptual fashion voice that they have made for themselves and putting on a visually stimulating art show.

For instance, take a gander at the Fall/Winter 2008 collection of the illustrious Dame Vivienne Westwood:

Westwood’s tribal-infused collection was so stunning that you could care less about technique. It’s brilliant madness.

With Jeremy Scott’s burgled collection suitable for Batman’s arch nemesis, The Riddler, it gave whimsical nuances to clothing that maintained my interest:

Sure, you wouldn’t wear a picture frame on your head on an everyday basis, but the pieces are distinct and it’s like a show I have never seen before. He gives you something different to look at.

Finally, there’s the Dutch duo of Viktor & Rolf. They are known for their off-beat runway shows that showcase their garments in the most peculiar ways (check out their spotlight-strapped show from F/W 2007). With this season’s collection, they have a monochromatic color palette with some wordy dimension:

The other day, I was talking with one of my friends and she said, “I hate New York Fashion Week, it has gotten so boring.”

I wouldn’t say it has gotten boring. It just has a different point of view than that of those designers across the pond and beyond. I admire both the U.S. and the European fashion camps. They give us different tastes of style. If I want streamlined, grounded and modern fashion that I would want to have in my wardrobe, I turn to our talented stateside designers. If I want a show of epic and dramatic proportions, I know I could always count on Europeans to deliver.

Either way, I know I can’t afford the clothes they send down the runway.

At least Target will always be there.

At the Jumper premiere in Japan, the movie’s two stars showed up and were ready for some red carpet action!

Whoa! Rachel Bilson has a big smile and some big hair. And when I say big smile, I am talking horse teeth big. And when I say big hair, I am talking horse hair (i.e. an unnecessary amount of weave).

Frontman Hayden Christensen must have attended George Clooney’s “Old Hollywood School of Men’s Style” because he showed up in a very dapper slim suit which accentuated his tall and slim build - but he should’ve tended to his facial scruff.

Thank you very much to all of you who read my article today about Alameda native Chris March from “Project Runway”

But I have received some calls saying that I ruined tomorrow night’s episode.

As heated as these people were, I had to explain that I did not do anything to spoil the finale nor did I give away the cliffhangin’ “Rami or Chris” ordeal. I was simply doing a profile piece on March and how he used to work for “Beach Blanket Babylon” in SF.

And yes, I did say he showed at Fashion Week - BUT - all of the final five designers showed at fashion week. Because Fashion Week happens before the actual finale of the show, the people at Bravo pretape the runway shows. They let more than three designers show at Fashion Week to throw the audiences off. In this season, Sweet P, Rami, Jillian, Christian AND Chris showed collections - but in the very end, only three of the collections will be judged and shown on the finale next week. The other two are just red herrings.

Does that clear things up? I hope so. I know it’s confusing…