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“Maintenance-free” pets — creepy

By Gary Bogue
Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 6:32 am in Pet Products.

Perfect Petzzz announces six new breeds of maintenance-free pet companions, for those who can’t care for a live pet.

I get a lot of press releases for animal-related products, but this one wins hands (paws?) down for the most frightening press release of the month:

PERFECT PETZZZ PRESS RELEASE, Sept. 26, 2007:
Perfect Petzzz are lifelike, “breathing,” hand-crafted puppies and kittens designed to amuse, educate and comfort, and are now available in 30 breed choices.

Perfect Petzzz are adorable sleeping puppies and kittens that offer unconditional love and are maintenance-free. (Can a non-living creature give you “unconditional love”? Would that also apply to a zombie, or a Frankenstein monster? /Gary) They are the perfect companion and holiday gift for anyone who may not be able to take care of the day-to-day tasks of pet ownership. These puppies and kittens help to soothe and bring joy and fulfillment to their owners because of their unique life-like features.

(What next, REALLY hassle-free pet companions, like Dead Puppies and Dead Kitties with no compartments to install batteries? /Gary)

Each pet costs $39.95 and comes with a collar, battery, brush, adoption certificate, and is constructed of 100 percent synthetic fur. Your newly adopted Perfect Petzzz will also arrive in its very own soft fleece bed and cardboard carrying case.

With closed eyes and curled up bodies, these wonderfully delightful companions appear to be sleeping due to their “breathing” movements. When watched closely or held in your lap you can feel the soothing breathing pattern and hear the soft sounds that these animals constantly maintain. (“Mommie! Perfect Kitty stopped breathing!” /Gary) Their small bodies feel as realistic as they look with synthetic fur that compares to the softness of a newly washed puppy.

Perfect Petzzz will continue to breathe for four months on a single “D” battery, and approximately seven months on two “D” batteries.

Perfect Petzzz are recommended for those people who yearn for, or respond to, the affection and coziness that real pets bring. They are proven to be a non-maintenance alternative to real pets and bring comfort to all lifestyles ranging from households with newborns, to those who may be ill or physically challenged, and even senior citizens in homes that don’t allow pets.

(Let me guess: Coming in 2008 — Perfect Pooping Petzzz, for those who don’t like maintenance-free companions. /Gary)

Wanna see them? Be brave: http://www.perfectpetzzz.com

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No Responses to ““Maintenance-free” pets — creepy”

  1. Barbara Says:

    Ridiculous. This trash must have as tranquil of an effect as the “Pet Rock” from the mid-7os.

  2. D.Ocean Says:

    “Life like” pets is a great idea.

    At least they don’t defecate and urinate all over lawns and just about anywhere else they go.

    If they are that “life like”, does the pit bull version also attack, maul and viciously kill innocent children?????

    Why do people who call themselves “animal lovers” enslave animals as pets???

    Having a “pet” is like owning your own private circus.

    I think PET owning is a self-serving, self-indulgent hobby.

    Ownig a PET isn’t doing God’s work like some would like us to believe.

    If people didn’t go to breeders and buy these things, they would finally disappear from the earth – along with the miserable, worthless lives people make them live.

    Let’s ban PETS for the sake of animals and go with the “life like” ones instead!!!!

  3. Gina Says:

    Psychotic much, are we?

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