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More New Year’s resolutions from animals for 2011

By Gary Bogue
Monday, January 3rd, 2011 at 8:26 am in Animals.

Newman the cat. A Bogue photo

Dear readers:
Sunday, I printed 15 New Year’s resolutions from wild and domestic animals in my daily newspaper column. I still had plenty of animal resolutions left over from the submissions by my animal readers, so I promised to print the rest of them here, today.

The animal resolutions in Sunday’s column were picked out by my cats, Newman and Jasmine. Here are the resolutions that were left over:

Jasmine the Cat. A Bogue photo.

Beastly Resolutions
*** I resolve to stop trying to trip my human by dashing past her, then making a sharp turn so I can be exactly in the spot where her foot is about to come down — even though it’s so much fun to watch her shuffle around the house because she’s afraid if she lifts her foot, she’ll step on me. I also resolve to stop jumping on the computer desk so I can push everything –- especially pens and pencils -– onto the floor. Yeah, like I’m really going to stop! — Boston the Cat (forwarded by Wanda Peets, Boston’s human)

*** My name is Peter Sammy McGee, I’m a 17-year-old cat, and my New Year’s resolution is to not wake up my Mom at 2 a.m. barfing on the carpet. — Peter Sammy McGee (forwarded by Jean James, the Mom)

*** I found this under the patio mat. (Barbara Yencho, Martinez, CA):
“We, the gophers and raccoons, providing a complementary rototilling service to our property, presently occupied by Employer Barbara, shall henceforth bring said services to the neighbors residing on either side of her in 2011. Notice to Employer Barbara: This is to advise that your having provided more vegetation does not satisfy the MOU stipulation regarding noise abatement, whether battery operated or live, and as agreed upon in our collective bargaining agreement. Any past, present or prospective service to said portion of our property shall be deemed immediately null and void effective 12:00:01 AM January 1, 2011, and forever thereafter.”

*** I have two cats and the following are their 2011 resolutions that they’ve asked me to forward to you. (Elaine V. Frank):

Booty Butt: “I promise not to chew your shoe laces when you leave your shoes laying around” (any human should know to put their shoes up!)

Looney Tune: “I promise not to stick my cold nose in your ear while I’m walking across your bed rest to make it to your lap”

Booty Butt: “I promise to keep going and not to stop in front of you as you’re walking” (nothing is worse then seeing you dance around and grabbing the wall – what’s all that about?)

Looney Tune: “I promise not to intimidate Booty Butt and eat her plate of food” (yeah, right, do you see how FAT she’s gotten … ?)

Looney Tune & Booty Butt: “We promise not to hog the bed and trap you where you can’t roll over” (for crying out loud, get a bigger bed…)

*** I promise to put every one of those tiny toy mice I got for Xmas into the best hiding places. I think I’m off to a good start with the one you finally found in the toe of your shoe this morning! — Tweedy The Cat (forwarded by Bev Walker, Walnut Creek, CA)

*** We will try (emphasis on TRY) to not shred the toilet paper in our owner’s bathrooms. We know, however, that it brings great joy for her to see this shredded pile of while fluff every morning and to have to go shopping for more to replenish the stock. We are not letting her know which one of us is the culprit because we’re cats, baby, and the mystique must be maintained. Judging from the expression on her face at seeing our piles, though, and the wagging finger at us, perhaps more discretion is needed in the coming year. We’ll make it our resolution anyhow, even when we know most resolutions are not kept. Check in with us at the end of 2011. — Cat Pals, Silky and Cheeky (forwarded by Lois Kary)

*** Colleen and Rejar (two grumpy old cats) resolve not to wake up their adored mother before 6 a.m. for breakfast anymore! (forwarded by Elaine Belval, Newark, CA)


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3 Responses to “More New Year’s resolutions from animals for 2011”

  1. Furball Fables Cats Says:

    Please check out our video of cat resolutions! Meow! We love the ones you have posted here!

    Cats New Year’s Resolutions 2011 – Furball Fables

    Cats New Years Resolutions 2011 – Furball Fables
    What are your 2011 resolutions?

    The Cats celebrate the 2011 new year of dreams and kitty wishes with a list of cat resolutions

  2. Jordan Says:

    I apologize for this being somewhat unrelated, but in the January 11th Cary Bogue column, he mentioned that he got the “Thing” (a cat toy which he described in detail, I know what it is) at Pet Food Express. If Gary reads these, I was wondering if it was the Walnut Creek PFE that he went/goes to? I ask this because I like reading the column, even though I don’t have any pets, and I work at the Walnut Creek store.

    Just curious, that’s all.

  3. Gary Bogue Says:

    Jordan: I got the “Thing” from the Benicia Pet Food Express store a couple of years ago. Hope this helps. /Gary

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