There’s a petition circulating to make pole-dancing an Olympic sport.

No, I’m not joking at all. I think it’s an amazing idea. We have to give these athletes our support.

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Apparently, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, when negotiating with People magazine last summer to sell them pictures of their latest offspring, also included some sort of clause forbidding the magazine from writing anything negative about her family, or using the term “Brangelina.”

Whoa. That’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

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It’s always a great idea, when you get away with shooting someone, to write a song describing how you did it.

A Georgia judge just sentenced rapper 25-year-old Rico Todriquez Wright on Monday to 20 years in jail after the victim told police not only did he recognize his shooter’s voice from the recording, but the lyrics described shooting him.

All I know is you’ll never hear me talking about swiping office supplies on one of my rap records. No chance.

Some guy just wrote a book asking if John Lennon sold his soul to gain his musical success?

The real question is this: Did that hack sell his soul to the devil to get a book deal?

The book promises to examine hidden messages and symbols about Beatles mythology (hey, Paul is Dead!) to offer the view that Lennon, like Robert Johnson and Pope Sylvester II, among others, sold his soul for success. Sensible - since we’re sure that happened, maybe we better look into this. Maybe he meant Sylvester Stallone, since some sort of intervention had to be involved for him to convince a studio to make “Stop or my Mom Will Shoot!”

By the way, I know Robert Johnson sold his soul because I saw Ralph Macchio guitar duel with Steve Vai, and win, in a silly 80s movie. Even in a movie, that can’t happen. So the devil must’ve been involved.

My question is this: How does one even got in touch with the devil to make a pact? Does he have a cell phone number, ending in 666? Can you e-mail him? Does one have to sacrifice a goat to get his attention?

I know. If there’s a hell, I’m going.

Britney Spears recently said in an interview that her new-found sober and relatively sane life is like “Groundhog Day” and that, at least when you go to prison, you know you’re going to get out someday.

Tick … tick … tick … tick …

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Kirk getting jiggy with a half-nekkid Uhura, Spock opening up a can of whupass, Corvettes going over cliffs, Winona Ryder, bad-ass special effects and stuff blowing up everywhere … I may have to lay off the Trekkies this time, as the new Star Trek prequel looks pretty awesome.

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This has been coming on for a while, so I might as well go public and see if it makes me feel better: I think I have a crush on Justin Timberlake.

Especially once I saw him dressed as a woman, backing up Beyoncé.

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If a 21-year-old guy can’t find a hundred different ways to impress a 16-year-old girl, then he needs to give up and go back to playing with his Star Trek action figures.

But no, a guy in Florida recently took a 16-year-old girl and broke into the home of a wildlife collector - whom he once briefly worked for - to show her the man’s 150-pound cougar named … “Chaos.”

When we say cougar, we mean mountain lion. Not a half-drunk 45-year-old woman who recently had liposuction.

Naturally, Chaos didn’t like it when people invaded his territory and lived up to his name, nearly mauling the poor girl to death, while her showoff/idiot boyfriend cowered nearby, too afraid to move, much less do anything to get Chaos off her. Hearing the screams, a neighbor jumped the fence, ran into the house, and punched and kicked Chaos until he stopped trying to eat the girl.

Also sharing the home with Chaos was another mountain lion and many large snakes. So if it wasn’t Chaos, chances are something else would’ve got her. I remember being 21 and doing things I would flatly deny now if someone reminded me. But even I wouldn’t do something that stupid, no matter how empty the keg was.

This falls into the “Oh Sweet Moses I wish I would’ve thought of this first” since so many bill collectors are constantly stalking me.

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So I’m watching the E network’s “101 Most Unforgettable SNL Moments” this morning — or at least I’m trying to. I finally had to give up, because it’s so annoying.

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