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What Good is This Job Anyway?

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 at 8:26 am in Uncategorized.

I got pulled over on the way to work this morning. So I did what a lot of us do: looked for somewhere to pull over while doing a quick mental inventory to make sure I wasn’t carrying any illegal immigrants or nuclear weapons in the trunk.
The officer pulls me over and asks me if the address on the license was my current residence. Not even close, I’m thinking, trying to calculate how many places I’ve lived since then. So he asks me where I live now. Oh God…I don’t know. I’m sort of between places, I try to explain. He looks at me and suddenly I wonder if he’s getting suspicious that I’m so nervous on account I’m carrying illegal immigrants and/or nuclear weapons in my trunk.
Or was it Illegal weapons and nuclear immigrants?
Thankfully, my new address pops into my head, saving me from a long prison term. Then he gives me the lowdown. I made some sort of illegal lane change while flying down Ygnacio. The good news is that it’s some sort of city infraction, meaning I won’t have to go to court. But I will have to give money to Walnut Creek which, no doubt, desperately needs it.
Then the guy looks at my license and, after a couple quick questions, realizes I’m the guy who makes his wife laugh so much when she reads our People Column. Great, I’m thinking – I wonder if she laughs enough to get me out of this ticket before the cop realizes I may have nuclear weapons and illegal immigrants in my trunk.
No can do.
But at least his wife likes me.

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