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Working Up a Sweat

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, August 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm in Uncategorized.

This may be one of those dumb little things I’m not supposed to blog about. But, as I still haven’t figured out exactly what I’m supposed to blog about, I’ll just keep going until someone stops me.

Something strange – perhaps even supernatural – happened to me this morning.

Since I now only live about three miles from work, and I’m usually running out the door because I’m late, I occasionally get dressed as I’m stepping out of the shower. Sometimes while I’m showering, even.

So today I got dressed too fast after a hot shower. So, not only was I putting clothes onto a wet frame, I hadn’t cooled off after the shower.

So I ran out the door, drove three miles to work in about four minutes…and I realized I looked like I just fell in the deep end with my clothes on.

I quickly got to my desk, hoped no one saw me, and started looking around for something to towel off with. I believed I had to be in a meeting at 11 with our new staff-mates from the Oakland Tribune. That was only 35 minutes away. Surely I’d dry off by then. Then I realized i hadn’t filed my column. I cleverly came to that conclusion when my editor looked at me and said “Have you filed your column?”

“Uh…no,” I said, stalling and calculating what day it was. That when I really started sweating. That’s right. I’m a columnist, I thought. I have to write one of those. I sort of had a topic but, as I’m in the middle of moving, I sort of forgot to write it. “It’s on the way,” I called, not technically lying. I grabbed a piece of paper detailing a topic I could squeeze something out of. But it had no attribution. Where did I get this thing? I can’t write about this. And, even if I could, my fingers would slip off the keyboard because of all the sweat running down my arms.

And I have to meet a roomful of people I don’t know in a few minutes, and I look like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. Which, naturally, made me sweat more.

This was quickly becoming a disaster. I was the Titanic on an ice run. I had no defense. I was seconds away from ripping my shirt off, standing on my desk, and bellowing my resignation. I went to my editor for a little chat.

Needless to say, I still work here. At least for today.

We came up with a topic, I discovered the meeting wasn’t until 4, and I dried off as my body completely ran out of sweat. I wrote a column in about seven minutes, vowed to never do it again, then went to the bathroom to see how I looked. Not bad. The smell…not bad, either. At least for me.

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