By Tony Hicks
Saturday, September 8th, 2007 at 1:19 pm in Uncategorized.
What exactly will Britney Spears do at Sunday night’s MTV VMAs?
I don’t know about you, but like most 40-year-olds, I can’t think of anything else. I can’t even sleep.
She’s had her share of big moments in the past: dancing with a giant snake, playing tonsil-tennis with Madonna, that sort of thing. And that was when her career was healthy; before she was a head-shaving, papparazzi attacking, butt-showing, no underwear wearing, dropping her kids on their heads walking time bomb.
How can she top her past performances? I have a few ideas, all of which are pretty dramatic. But she’s got to do something drastic to get her career back on track. Something we wouldn’t possibly expect from Britney Spears. Like:
*Standing on stage and holding her children for three minutes without dropping them. If that’s not fantastic enough, she’ll also be required to resist pouring a 72-ounce Pepsi Big Gulp down either child’s throat for three minutes. She’ll also be shown three items and be required to indentify the one most resembling a toothbrush.
*Refrain from belching, farting, or randomly hiking up her skirt to show the world her buttocks or, God willing (please … no), the other side. Seriously. The telecast would be halted as all the cameras would instantaneously explode.
*Dance without falling over, cramping up, or chugging a malt liquor.
*Refrain from having intercourse with anyone else on stage. Yes … for three whole minutes.
Never mind that last one. I was getting carried away with optimism.
I’ll be blogging tomorrow night during the whole, exciting show. Well, at least during Britney’s “performance.” I can’t imagine another reason to watch the VMAs.
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