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Bad Ground Beef

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, September 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm in Uncategorized.

I’m going through a tough time today…

What’s that, you say … you want me to share? Why, sure. Thanks for asking.

I’m suffering from a poor attitude due to a number of things. Mostly it’s bad ground beef.

I just ate some Chinese food from an establishment that shall remain nameless … because they’ll spit in my food next time I go there if I name them. But they have an annoying habit of putting bad ground beef in wrapped-up food items otherwise requiring chicken or pork. The MSG usually puts me into a coma anyway, but add to that a large portion of greasy, bad ground beef, and I’m ready to crawl under my desk until the pain goes away – not to be confused with when I crawl under my desk to take a nap.

By the way, I have the term “Bad Ground Beef” under trademark, just in case you suddenly develop this clever idea to name your band Bad Ground Beef. Try it and my crack legal team will be on you like Britney Spears on a pitcher of Cosmos.

If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m also angry about the proliferation of dancing Internet advertisements. Hip-shaking shadows of men and women, cows, robots, chickens and children … enough already. Please STOP WITH THE DANCING ADS! Until I can push through legislation banning ad agencies from including dancing figures I’m organizing a national boycott on products that come packaged in advertisements that dance.

I’m also angry about some other stuff I can’t remember, because grease from the Bad Ground Beef ™ has eaten most of my brain. I think it has something to do with Def Leppard or Jessica Simpson’s father, or something …

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