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Britney Spears is a Super Genius

By Tony Hicks
Saturday, September 22nd, 2007 at 10:04 am in Uncategorized.

britneycheetosSo why is it that every time I sneeze the wrong way behind the wheel – sometimes while still parked – I get a threatening letter from DMV…yet no one has figured out that Miss I Drive With My Kids Strapped To The Roof Of My SUV Britney Spears doesn’t have a California driver’s license?

Authorities on Friday announced they were charging Spears with two misdemeanors related to a fender bender she had earlier this year. I guess it’s true – you’re not supposed to hit someone’s car and drive away.

I don’t see why not. I mean, what if the owner comes outside and catches you?

It’s also apparently true that you have to have a driver’s license to actually hit someone’s else’s car in the first place.

Photo agencies can feed a small nation on what they make taking pictures of Britney Spears doing dumb things behind the wheel. It’s been scientifically proven that gerbils are better drivers. She’s on a first name basis with at least 30 case workers for Child Protective Services.

And no one has thought to check her driving record.

Yet Britney keeps getting in trouble and hasn’t thought to go get a driver’s license. Of course, this is also a woman who went drinking in clubs three straight nights last week – and let photographers take her picture – after a judge told her she can’t drink within 12 hours of seeing her children, who live with her last time CPS checked.

How are these children even still alive?

I’d like to know whether Britney Spears is a better parent than Michael Jackson. I know, it’s neck-and-neck. On one hand, you have a guy who, among other fantastically hilarious things, has held his kid over a balcony and makes them wear little masks wherever they go.

On the other hand, you have a woman who willingly mated with Kevin Federline, who’s suddenly looking like Ward Cleaver.

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