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Squirrels Don’t Kill People…

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, October 11th, 2007 at 2:34 pm in Uncategorized.

Rare Squirrels

This squirrel got me busted.

I’ve heard that no fewer than six editors and other assorted office people fielded calls today from readers, concerned about today’s People Column in the Times. Some just didn’t think it was funny which, of course, I’m used to. And some wanted to know if it was true …

They wanted to know if squirrels eat humans.

I’ve consulted with a wildlife expert, and here’s the answer:


I was kidding.

The picture showed a rare Western grey squirrel departing its cage in Fort Lewis, Wash. A woman from the state’s fish and wildlife department was behind the cage, doing the releasing. In the caption, I wrote that the squirrel “immediately turned around and ate the state worker who released it.” Then, after I said the squirrel was released to help boost a sagging population, I wrote “And to help control mountain lions. By eating them.”

So, again, I’ve checked with a wildlife expert. And I can tell you this:

Squirrels don’t eat mountain lions.

I was kidding.

But, in an interesting twist, I’m pretty sure mountain lions, and people in West Virginia, eat squirrels.

I have to go now … to call back some readers who want to know if that poor female wildlife expert was really devoured by a squirrel. I’m glad we cleared this up.

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