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Monkeys and Surfers

By Tony Hicks
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 6:17 am in Uncategorized.

Just a few observations of the news on a Tuesday morning.

It is Tuesday … right?

In reading a story about the sad demolition of the New Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas — one of the last of the old casinos that happened to be the first place Elvis ever played in Las Vegas — I noticed on the web page, right next to the story and picture of the hotel being destroyed with explosives, travel ads offering great deals to stay at the New Frontier Hotel.

They better be great deals, since you’d be sleeping on a pile of dust.

Also, our front page this morning shows a group of volunteers looking space-agey in their white contamination suits as they clean oil from Ocean Beach in San Francisco from last week’s massively-stupid oil spill in the Bay. Far in the background, among all these people having to wear spacesuits to protect themselves from toxins, is … a surfer. Carrying his board.

I guess when the waves are truly tasty, dude, no amount of spilled crude is going to intrude.

I read a story about monkeys rampaging through India, attacking people, entering homes, and even biting one man’s baby in his home while the man looked on, horrified. Last week, the stinky little beasts caused a deputy mayor to fall to his death from his balcony while trying to fight them off with a stick. At least he had the right idea. Apparently monkeys are looked upon as sacred in India, which is why the story contains all these woesome quotes about how people just don’t know what to do.

Sacred or not, I’d sure as hell know what to do if a foul little creature about ten rungs below me on the evolutionary ladder came into my home and bit my kid. That monkey would get knocked right off that evolutionary ladder into oblivion. With a shovel.

In an even better animal story coming out of India, a man married a dog the other day, to atone for stoning two dogs to death 15 years ago. Apparently they sometimes marry animals over there, which is fine by me. You know, however a pair of adult mammals choose to lead their personal lives is none of my business. They had a ceremony and got dressed up and had a big feast with the families. Which reminds me of the wonderfully-stupid argument put forth by anti- gay marriage conservatives, claiming same-sex marriage is only one step away from humans marrying animals.

It’s already happening, people. Lock your doors and start praying.

Feel free to make your own “marriage is a bitch” joke at any time.

Photo of New Frontier hotel by Flickr user Dan4th under Creative Commons license

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