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More Suspicious Squirrel Attacks

By Tony Hicks
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007 at 1:51 pm in Uncategorized.

Go ahead, keep doubting me. But the war is coming, and it won’t be pretty.

More guerilla squirrels — or is it gorilla squirrels — have launched suicide attacks against human infrastructure. The vicious little beasts are just gearing up for something big over the holidays.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

Speaking of keeping alert, I woke up last night wondering if I put out my garbage can. Nothing smells worse than missing garbage day, which prompted me to go outside at 3 a.m. to check. And I saw a man walking up my street.

OK, so I suppose it’s fine to take a walk at 3 a.m.. Except when I walked back up toward my front door, the guy turned around and walked back.

I came back outside a few minutes later, and the guy’s standing in front of my house. This time, with baseball bat in hand, I went out and asked if he needs something. He said nope and resumed walking up the street again. Then, five minutes later, he’s walking back down the street. It was like he was walking guard duty.

If you’re out there, walking-late-at-night guy, stay home after dark. The next homeowner who sees you in front of their house at 3 a.m. may be packing something far more serious than a bat.

You know, now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure the guy had a fuzzy tail protruding from the back of his pants …

Photo of squirrel by Flickr user BinaryApe under Creative Commons license

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2 Responses to “More Suspicious Squirrel Attacks”

  1. Vinnie Ballgame Says:

    Hey Tony: Ya oughtta pack a well-scratched, police surplus Mag-Lite instead of a bat…when those, uh, fuzzy-tailed varmints present themselves, always best to turn night into day first — then show ’em the stars.

    Your colleague on the squirrel watchtower,


  2. Deep Thoughts - Insert Foot - What happens after Tony Hicks opens his mouth Says:

    […] More Suspicious Squirrel Attacks […]