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Archive for December, 2007

Fun With Cold Medicine

I’ve been sick for a couple of days, which is just AWESOME when you live with screaming children. Being sick was also especially nice last night, around midnight, when I realized hurricane-force winds were battering my house on garbage night.

I walked out to see garbage strewn all over the front lawn (which would probably not be so abnormal if I lived alone) and my can’s lid flipped up. Then I saw pile after pile of garbage and recyclables flying up the street, past my house. I wouldn’t been surprised to see a women on a broomstick, shaking her fist at me. I looked down the street and saw so many milk crate-ish recycling bins in the street, it was like looking at the Safeway loading dock after the night crew ties one on.

I dunno, maybe Concord could consider joining the 21st Century and start using REAL cans instead of milk crate-thingies.

But that’s not why I’m here. In fact, I think I forgot what my point was. Oh yes, cold medicine. Drug companies need to do a better job of telling you which cold medicine is supposed to amp you up so much you want to go to work despite your head weighing an extra 30 pounds, and which one will put you into an immediate 10-hour coma.

Because I took the wrong one last night, apparently. So not only am I still sick, I’m danged tired. Because I haven’t slept since Saturday or something. I’m not sure — the hallucinations make it hard to read the clock.

Photo of pills by Flickr user 7elbara and of garbage cans by Flickr user Peter Kaminski under Creative Commons license

Posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
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Employee of the Year

I love year-end lists. This is a good one, about the worst employees of the year.

My favorite was the priest who jogged naked before sunrise, because he didn’t think anyone would see him. Well, maybe not when it was that cold out …

And, for the record, I wasn’t on the list. Which is kind of why I read this to begin with. Just wanted to make sure.

My vote would’ve been for Michael Vick. He didn’t turn out to be such a good employee this year.

Photo of Michael Vick jersey and football by Flickr user barrio dude under Creative Commons license

Posted on Monday, December 10th, 2007
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Cal High To Destroy De La Salle (or not).

My alma mater, Cal High, is playing De La Salle tonight for the NCS 4A championship.

I don’t think people realize what a big deal this is, as Cal High football used to be to bad what the Olsen Twins are to creepy. We had cheerleaders who were tougher than our football team. Of course, I always quit after a week of practice, so I can’t say much. I loved playing football, but wasn’t much into grown men with whistles yelling at me. Or running. That was the big problem – all that running stuff. In fact, as much as I liked playing sports, I liked resting a whole lot better.

I also liked gambling better than running. Which is why I put money on tonight’s game. Because I believe in my Grizzilies. That and I found someone willing to give me 32 points. I still think De La Salle will win – they’re much better at recruiting. But I’m confident the Grizzilies will cover. They’d better. I bet my kid’s college fund on them. Lucky for me I only have ten bucks in there as of now.

Posted on Saturday, December 8th, 2007
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Deep Thoughts

I’ve got to get better about posting more on this thing – assuming people actually want to read it. I was in Las Vegas for four days earlier this week and meant to blog. Somehow I kept finding better things to do.

But I do have a question today, prompted by the men who came to my door this morning, trying to get me to join their religion. At least that’s what I think they were there for. It’s not like I answered the door. In fact, I hid under the table and pretended gun-toting intruders were searching for me. And this time I almost managed not to cry.

But, after kicking myself for not putting up a NO SOLICITATION sign again, I asked myself the same question I asked last week, when some religious guy with a bullhorn was trying to ruin my experience watching the dancing fountains at the Bellagio (I think that’s how you spell it, but there’s no time to check, I’m on a roll).

Why is it so important for these people to convert me to their religion?

And, even more perplexing, if I was dressed as an orthodox Jew, would they leave me alone?

I think the answer the second question is yes, because they’d figure I was already committed to having a religion. So why can’t they respect the idea that I’m just as committed to not having a religion as they are to having one? Do I have to wear a sign or a badge or something? Do I have to grow a beard?

Of course, there’s two answers to the first question. One, they believe they’re saving your soul. And two, the more people they get to sign up, the better the chance they’re right and get to go to heaven and whatnot. Or maybe they get bonus miles and free stuff or something.

I’m going to stop having these deep thoughts, as I’m now getting a headache. Which doesn’t happen when I write about squirrels eating people.

Picture of Bellagio fountain by Flickr user jimg944 and Gideon Bible by Flickr user evixir under Creative Commons license

Posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007
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