I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with overzealous government officials telling me I can’t hang fake animal testicles from the my car.

Virginia lawmakers are considering banning ornamental bull testicles that dangle from trucks’ trailer hitches.  They say it’s a safety issue; that the ornaments are a distraction to other drivers, though the official pushing the idea admitted he was prompted by a constituent, upset her young daughter noticed the ornament dangling from a truck.

That’s right – I just twice called a pair of bull nuts “ornamental.”

They say it’s not a matter of indecency or bad taste, but that these things really are hazardous to the health of drivers who should be otherwise focused on the road. Using that logic, I now write my congressman, asking for hot women and funny bumper stickers to be outlawed from automobiles.

Because if you criminalize bull testices, then only criminals will have bull testicles.

As stupid as this seems, it was only a few years ago that Virginia banned baggy pants. It always warms my heart to see politicians focused on the issues that really matter. Next week they’ll ban cows with testicles, also known as “bulls,” from actually having testicles. Unless they wear pants … non-baggy pants.