I’ve just about had it. They tax beer, they tax gas, they tax cheap motel rooms, not that I’ve ever been in one. I’m just saying …

But this is just too much. New Jersey lawmakers are considering taxing fast food.

Calling it a “sin” tax is barebones slander, plain and simple. People in this country have a God-given right to kill themselves with grease. Taxing fast food (Taco Bell) might mean I would no longer have enough money to pay all those gas taxes. If we live in a country where the government involves itself with my purchase of a yummy chalupa, we might as well have a uniform-wearing dictator with a funny mustache.

If this scheme hatches in New Jersey, I’m rounding up as many freedom fighters as I can and heading east. We’ll dress like Indians, find a harbor - they have harbors in New Jersey, right? - and fill the water with bean burritos (because they’re a lot cheaper than, say, nachos bellgrande or a Mexican pizza). Someone has to draw a line in the sand, and that line is us … or something.