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Child Abuse

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, May 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm in Uncategorized.

This is absolutely insane.

Good to see parents with their heads screwed-on straight. Some kid in Detroit sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year, helping to ensure the leader of the Girl Scouts can indeed afford gas for their brand new yacht in these otherwise troubled economic times.

Good God — the mother and (go figure) troop leader was quoted saying, of the street corner they commandeered: “We were always there; we never closed. At one point Jenny got really sick and we did shut down early, and we heard about it the next day.”

From whom — the Girl Scouts, wondering why the well had temporarily dried up?

I love being cornered by aggressive Girl Scouts outside the grocery store during cookie time. They’re worse than pan-handlers … probably because their handlers (parents) are nearby, pushing the cute buttons. It’s awful.

The Detroit kid got to go to Europe for 10 days — which is cool and all. Meanwhile, the Girl Scouts pocket more than $50,000.

What a racket.

Don’t mind me. My older daughter was a Girl Scout more than a decade ago. We sold more than $500 worth of cookies by, essentially, ruining our friendships with everyone we knew by forcing them to buy cookies, or else. For all her hard work, she was supposed to get some sort of stuffed animal which, 11 years later, still hasn’t arrived. The money was supposed to fund all these wonderful trips. They ended up never even going outdoors and all those wonderful “outings” consisted of baking things we had to buy and bring from home.

But, not to worry, redemption is on the way. I’ve given the Girl Scouts another chance (actually it wasn’t up to me — her mother did it without my consent, something at which she’s getting extremely adept). My 6-year-old is now a proud Girl Scout, and Daddy has managed to keep his mouth shut about the past. And, again, I was hocking cookies earlier this year, so as to not look like a bad parent. I felt like a bookie (cookie bookie?)¬†at work, collecting all that money and feeling dirty for it. But at least I know my kid has been bowling with the Girl Scouts, which beats the hell out of what they did a decade ago.

Picture of Girl Scout cookie boxes by Flickr user spcummings and of Girl Scouts by Flickr user foxtongue used under Creative Commons license

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One Response to “Child Abuse”

  1. HeyJoe Says:

    Yea, I’ve whored GS cookies at work, and it makes me feel cheap and soiled. My daughter got to go to…CHICO! And she stayed in a…MOBILE HOME!

    But she had fun, I guess, so what do I know?