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Back with Heroes and Zeros

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, July 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pm in Uncategorized.

Sorry – it’s been a couple days since we did this. I’ve been busy chasing delusional people who think Simon Cowell will like how they sing.

HERO: This was a tough one today since, apparently, the human race has been short of good deeds the past couple days. Then again, I haven’t been paying much attention. But about the only heroes I can find today are Travis Gosa and his mother-in-law Carol Markin, a 60-year-old resident of South Beloit, Ill. She was cleaning an empty apartment for her employer when she found a speaker box. Apparently her employer gave her permission to take it home and give it to her son-in-law Travis Gosa. He noticed a rattle, opened it up, and found a bunch of money. And a gun. The coppers (that’s what they call the police in Illinois) say the money is from a June 2004 bank robbery, during which the coppers chased the robbers (that’s what they call people who rob banks in Illinois) to the area where Markin cleaned the apartment. They got the robber, but they never found the loot (that’s what they call money in Illinois). Apparently it was just short of $8,000 and, though the story doesn’t say so specifically, it sounds like Markin and her son-in-law (that’s what they call guys who marry your daughters in Illinois) gave back the money. Good for them.

ZERO: The brilliant man in Denton, Texas, who, along with his wife and son-in-law (that’s what they call idiots who marry your daughter in Texas), decided to rob a pizza parlor last Friday. Problem was, his daughter worked there … and was working during the botched robbery. The lucky young lady – who sounds like she’s the only non-crook in the family, though we can’t be sure – discovered the the wig-and-sunglasses wearing robber was dear old dad only when another clerk smacked him, knocking off his clever disquise. Dad, his wife and son-in-law (that’s what they call … oh, never mind) were arrested exactly 14 minutes later after witnesses followed the getaway truck. The dad/really bad criminal told police his daughter didn’t know they were going to rob her place of employment. Nor did he, initially, as he told police he thought the trio was going to rob a convenience store.  

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2 Responses to “Back with Heroes and Zeros”

  1. Scott Says:

    Okay you think that because they were honest that makes them hero’s? In my book doing the right thing does NOT make you a hero, only a good person. Buck up dude, the only hero’s out there are in comic books. Live your life like you are a hero….

  2. Tony Hicks Says:

    Yeah, in your book. But this isn’t your book.
    You must feel pretty darned good about your life to tell me how to live my life, so more power to you. Just don’t try selling me a self-help book …
    Of course, they’re probably not heroes. But they did do the right thing, which just doesn’t happen enough. So they get to be singled out.