HERO: The additional 125,000 gorillas just discovered (well, counted) in Africa, which is more than what scientists previously thought were still alive in all of Africa.

Experts say it’s a sign that conservation is working. I don’t know if it makes the gorillas heroes or not, but I’m slumming for real heroes today, and gorillas are just as good as most humans I know.

It was either this, or the very intense Elvis fan who accused me today in an e-mail of not knowing who the king was.

ZERO: I hate to use the words “Grandma,” and “dumb” in the same sentence, but this merits an exception.

A 53-year-old dumb grandma in Marathon, Fla. was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of child abuse after she was caught driving around a store parking lot with her 3-year-old granddaughter on the roof of her car.

No, she didn’t put her there and forget about it while unlocking the car, like I do once a week with my morning energy drink. She said she was doing it to give the child some air and let her have some fun.

I don’t mean to be a politically-correct sissy or anything, but maybe she could’ve just, I don’t know, taken the kid to a park or something.