By Tony Hicks
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 at 3:42 pm in Uncategorized.
HERO: You’d like to think any dad would’ve done it, but John Pala of Boca Raton still deserves kudos.
Dad did what a lot of us like to think we’d do: he jumped on the bear. He got the beast off him once, when the dumb bear jumped on the boy again, forcing dad to again pull him off and drive it off with rocks and sticks.
I would’ve used a flamethrower and/or chainsaw, but not all dads are as prepared as I am when I go into the wild. Anyway, both were cut up, scratched and bitten, but neither required an overnight hospital stay. Rangers tracked the 86-pound bear and killed it when it got aggressive with them.
What the hell is wrong with black bears these days?
It wasn’t always this way. I remember once when, as a boy, I had to pull a black bear off my grandma. The bear apologized, we shook hands, and he ambled back into the forest. It’s not like that anymore, and I bet I know why: It’s that damned MTV.
ZERO: The Chinese official who decided that the 7-year-old little girl who sang the song featured in the Olympics opening ceremony last weekend wasn’t cute enough. So she was replaced by a cuter girl who could lip synch.
I’ve held off criticizing the Chinese government in this space because, as everyone knows, I have billions of readers around the world including, no doubt, the decision-makers in the Chinese government.
I’ve stood by, quietly, as they ignored my suggestion to have the Dalai Lama light the torch. They crush dissent and free speech, they try convincing the world they don’t have a pollution problem. They fake pyrotechnics for the television audience. Now this.
That little girl who supposedly wasn’t cute enough is screwed for life. She’ll probably end up going on some sort of inferiority complex- fueled killing spree. And the one who lip-synched? She already looks far too pleased with herself to be anything but annoying the rest of her life. That first girl was plenty cute enough.
All 7-year-olds look cute when they’re trying to sing in front of billions of people. Now they’ve got a potential serial killer on their hands, and they have no one but themselves to blame.
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