Let’s start today’s segment with the Zero, because we may have discovered the stupidest human being alive. I realize that’s really saying something, but, honestly … no, really. Decide for yourself.
ZERO: A Southern California man hiking in Orange County’s Limestone Canyon on Wednesday morning was cruising along, minding his own business when he came upon a mountain lion and her three cubs.
Now, about that point, a normal person is looking for a chainsaw, a bazooka, or a taxi. Anything to either defend himself or get out of there fast.
Not this guy, who apparently is so stupid, authorities can’t even tell us his name. He probably didn’t even know.
No, stupid hiker guy (SHG) decides the kittens “seemed so cute and cuddily and passive,” he told police. Naturally, being that he’s the stupidest man on the planet — and apparently missed the 274 signs warning him not to approach mountain lions that live in the area – he reaches down to pet one of the kittens, which aren’t really kittens as much as they are small MOUNTAIN LIONS.
Naturally, Mom doesn’t like this and lunges at the guy, scratching him before running off. Which is miraculous considering scientific research proves that big cats find the flesh of stupid people fantastically yummy.
SHG’s actions caused all kind of trouble, and it may not be over yet. They had to shut down a nearby school and Fish and Game had to come out and search the area.
They found no trace of a lion, but did say there’d been previous reports of one with kittens. Which is absolutely amazing, considering it’s the woods and that’s where mountain lions live.
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