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Rambo 4? Or is it 5? 6?

By Tony Hicks
Monday, October 27th, 2008 at 5:39 pm in Uncategorized.

Sylvester Stallone says he’s in talks to do another Rambo movie. 

To which I must say: PLEASE STOP!

A few morbidly curious people went and saw Rambo (or was it 5?), and now suddenly this old actor, who gobbles steroids like my 6-year-old eats Halloween candy, has decided it’s time for another go-round. Really, haven’t we run out of ominously witty one-liners?

The only way another Rambo movie would be acceptable is if the character becomes a cross-dressing circus attraction who explodes at the end. Period. In fact, if he could explode at the beginning that would be even better, thus saving many people the horror of sitting through another Rambo movie.  

What could possibly be the plot of another Rambo movie? He already blew up a small town in the Pacific Northwest, went back to Vietnam and blew it up, blew up something in the Middle East, and, most recently, killed the entire Burmese army.

The most likely scenario would have to be:

A) Rambo getting involved, somehow, in Mixed Martial Arts, where he fights Rocky Balboa. They end up killing each other, thus promising no more sequels of either.

B) Runs for president on his distinguished Vietnam service record with a female running mate, becomes disenchanted with the system, then destroys all of Washington, D.C., with a flame thrower.

C) Captures, kills and eats Osama bin Laden.

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4 Responses to “Rambo 4? Or is it 5? 6?”

  1. HeyJoe Says:

    I have not paid to see a Rambo movie since Rambo: First Blood Part II, in 1985.

    I assume the formula is the same: John Rambo is recruited to infiltrate/rescue/terminate with extreme prejudice some jungle or Middle Eastern country. Rambo, being the most patriotic of patriots agrees to the terms, only to be double-crossed by corporate greed in the form of the evil, middle-aged white man. Rambo then flips a nutty, ala Bruce Banner, releasing his inner Hulk/Terminator who then withdraws to some remote place, both physically and spiritually in order to battle his personal demons while pushing his shirtless body to the breaking point, emerging on “the other side” an Adonis-like killing machine, loosed to wreak havoc on “the bad guys” in all their many forms.

    Or was that Rocky?

  2. Tony Hicks Says:

    That was the last one I paid to see as well. I remember how much fun it was to count how many people he killed. If I remember correctly, it was something like 68.

  3. HeyJoe Says:

    Sounds like the time we tried to count the F-bombs in Scarface. We lost count somewhere around 170 I think.

  4. Tony Hicks Says:

    I did the same thing. I got to the 160s.