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Archive for November, 2008

Things go missing around Winona Ryder

Apparently Winona Ryder, who was convicted of shoplifting in 2002, can’t stop taking other people’s stuff.

She’s now been accused of “losing” $125,000 worth of diamong jewelry loaned to her by Bulgari Jewelers for a big fancy Marie Claire bash Sunday in Madrid. Our girl claimed her hotel lost them after she have them to the front desk for safekeeping. The hotel denies it, saying they have nothing on security tape proving she gave them to hotel personnel.

TMZ says she checked out early and left them in her room, after someone from Marie Claire who was supposed to come get the stuff, didn’t show up.

How would you feel if you were a shopkeeper and saw Winona Ryder coming into your store? Would you have security follow her around like she was a profiled 15-year-old wearing a dirty Iron Maiden shirt and smoking? Would you search her when she left the store? Would you just let the dogs loose to take her down before she gets away with so much of your merchandise you end up going out of business?

Posted on Friday, November 28th, 2008
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Shopping with Metallica

Looks like James Hetfield is getting ready for Black Friday.  See you in line at 4 a.m. at JC Penney, fellas.

Posted on Thursday, November 27th, 2008
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Karma is alive and well

I was going with a theme of karma as a wonderful thing today when I saw a bit item from the New York Post mentioning that Ann Coulter recently broke her jaw and had her mouth wired shut. And just in time for the holidays, her grateful family and friends must be thinking.

But, sadly, there were few details. By the way, what happened to Ann during the last few months of the presidential race? And can we hope that, if there’s no other positive coming from a successful Obama presidency, that it might drive her farther underground. 

Fat chance.

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Posted on Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
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Judge sentences criminals to Manilow

The legions of Manamaniacs aren’t going to like this.

As a deterrent to repeat offenders, a Colorado judge is handing out sentences requiring offenders to sit in a room to listen to music they hate. One of the “favorites,” so far, is Barry Manilow.

That sound you hear is my mother, hurriedly packing all her belonging to catch the next flight to Colorado, where she can now get away with anything without consequence.

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Posted on Monday, November 24th, 2008
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The greatest idea EVER

There’s a petition circulating to make pole-dancing an Olympic sport.

No, I’m not joking at all. I think it’s an amazing idea. We have to give these athletes our support.

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Posted on Friday, November 21st, 2008
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Brangelina buys positive coverage?

Apparently, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, when negotiating with People magazine last summer to sell them pictures of their latest offspring, also included some sort of clause forbidding the magazine from writing anything negative about her family, or using the term “Brangelina.”

Whoa. That’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

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Posted on Friday, November 21st, 2008
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The Dumbest Rapper on the planet

It’s always a great idea, when you get away with shooting someone, to write a song describing how you did it.

A Georgia judge just sentenced rapper 25-year-old Rico Todriquez Wright on Monday to 20 years in jail after the victim told police not only did he recognize his shooter’s voice from the recording, but the lyrics described shooting him.

All I know is you’ll never hear me talking about swiping office supplies on one of my rap records. No chance.

Posted on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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John Lennon and the Devil

Some guy just wrote a book asking if John Lennon sold his soul to gain his musical success?

The real question is this: Did that hack sell his soul to the devil to get a book deal?

The book promises to examine hidden messages and symbols about Beatles mythology (hey, Paul is Dead!) to offer the view that Lennon, like Robert Johnson and Pope Sylvester II, among others, sold his soul for success. Sensible – since we’re sure that happened, maybe we better look into this. Maybe he meant Sylvester Stallone, since some sort of intervention had to be involved for him to convince a studio to make “Stop or my Mom Will Shoot!”

By the way, I know Robert Johnson sold his soul because I saw Ralph Macchio guitar duel with Steve Vai, and win, in a silly 80s movie. Even in a movie, that can’t happen. So the devil must’ve been involved.

My question is this: How does one even got in touch with the devil to make a pact? Does he have a cell phone number, ending in 666? Can you e-mail him? Does one have to sacrifice a goat to get his attention?

I know. If there’s a hell, I’m going.

Posted on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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Mt. Britney is starting to rumble

Britney Spears' "Circus"

Britney Spears recently said in an interview that her new-found sober and relatively sane life is like “Groundhog Day” and that, at least when you go to prison, you know you’re going to get out someday.

Tick … tick … tick … tick …

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Posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
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New “Star Trek”: WTF?

Kirk getting jiggy with a half-nekkid Uhura, Spock opening up a can of whupass, Corvettes going over cliffs, Winona Ryder, bad-ass special effects and stuff blowing up everywhere … I may have to lay off the Trekkies this time, as the new Star Trek prequel looks pretty awesome.

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Posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
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