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Archive for November, 2008

Robert Pattinson mania

British actor Robert Pattinson, who’s starring as a vampire in the upcoming film “Twilight,” is all the rage with the girls. Kind of like I was at that age … except without the adoring fans, money and stuff.

Pattinson was supposed to appear at the Hot Topic store at the Stonetown Galleria in San Francisco today. Except so many fans (girls) showed up, the store cancelled the event, fearing some sort of riot would break out. Check out some pictures here.

And if that isn’t enough Robert Pattinson fever for you, check out a recent Robert Pattinson interview here.

Posted on Monday, November 10th, 2008
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Britney Spears’ son hospitalized

One of Britney Spears’ sons was hospitalized in Louisiana yesterday.

At first doctors didn’t know what the problem was, but after an overnight stay, decided he’s having some sort of allergic reaction. Which means, for the first time in history, I’m writing something about Britney Spears which doesn’t question her sanity or make general fun of her. Which is a shame.

That’s what happens when you become a parent. You have empathy for other parents and almost all children, no matter how hilariously dysfunctional the family.

Posted on Monday, November 10th, 2008
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Drunk City Councilman

There’s nothing quite like seeing a public servant doing all he can to show his respect for fellow human beings.

Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipski – now forever known as Steven Lips-pee – was arrested in Washington D.C. Friday night and charged with simple assault. There was nothing simple about it. Apparently the Grateful Dead tribute band he was watching was so good, Lips-pee couldn’t bear to go to the men’s room when his bladder told him to.

That’s right – he unloaded right off the balcony onto the crowd below.

Lips-pee wouldn’t admit to what he did afterward, though he did swear off alcohol. Yeah, we’ve heard that one before. At least he didn’t pee on his own constituents. Somebody’s going to have great fun with this story during the next election.

Posted on Monday, November 10th, 2008
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White House animals I have known

No, we’re not talking about the Kennedys. Though they totally knew how to throw a pool party.

Part of being president, apparently, is showing how much you love animals, especially ones that look cute for photogs as the Big Boss exits Marine One. The country’s most famous puppy right now is the one President-elect Obama hasn’t bought for his kids yet. But he will, he promised in his election-night acceptance speech, prompting “awwwwws” all over the country.

And I’d like to thank him personally because — and I have no idea how she knows — but my 6-year-old is busting my chops for a puppy all of a sudden. Because the dog, two cats, two Guinea pigs, turtle, ten fish and a frog isn’t enough. My house is slowly morphing into a farm. It takes 20 minutes to feed them all. 

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Posted on Sunday, November 9th, 2008
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No taxes for Prop. 8 protester Melissa Etheridge

After Proposition 8′s victory last week, meaning the state constitution may be amended to eliminate same-sex marriage rights (pending 4,000 lawsuits) Melissa Etheridge has announced she doesn’t want to pay taxes anymore.

Etheridge, one of the highest-profile lesbians in the entertainment world, says if she doesn’t get the same rights as other people, that makes her a second-class citizen. Therefore, she will no longer pay first-class taxes on the gobs of money she makes each year.

Makes perfect sense to me.

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Posted on Saturday, November 8th, 2008
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One more reason why The Commodores rule

This song is not only my favorite Commodores song, even after “Machine Gun” was in “Boogie Nights,” though it’s close (and check out this sweet 1974 Soul Train clip), but it’s the only song I can sing to my 4-month-old daughter to make her quit screaming.

That’s right — she rejects Journey, REO Speedwagon, Styx and Chicago (though I think she likes Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian,” another quality “Boogie Nights” favorite), but she LOVES this song.

How did I know back in the day that it’s a song about kicking someone to the curb? All I know is that we used to couples skate to it in junior high at Golden Skate.

Gosh, I hope my kid doesn’t think I’m kicking her to the curb. Not for a few years, anyway.

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Posted on Thursday, November 6th, 2008
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Amy Winehouse update: Still no good

I must post this exciting and vital news: This just in, Amy Winehouse is still batshit crazy.

Can I say that, since we’re on the Internet?

Let me know if you’re offended and I promise to take it up for consideration with my people.

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Posted on Thursday, November 6th, 2008
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Palin and Africa

This is just about the most hilarious, or frightening, thing I’ve ever heard, if it’s true. And, considering it was reported on Fox News, who knows? They may have been reporting accurately, but the source had an ax to grind (though the reporter mentioning sources, as in plural). The again, it sounds like Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin ticked off many people with her behavior, so maybe it’s just a case of someone wanting to get even.

But, whoa, if she didn’t know Africa was a continent and not a SINGLE COUNTRY, nor who was involved in NAFTA — and nearly half the nation thought it was OK to put her a heartbeat away from the presidency on a ticket with a 72-year-old — I think it’s time everybody breathes a big sigh of relief at the bullet we just dodged.

Never mind the vice-presidency … what does this say about America’s colleges, since she graduated from one? Then again, I think her major was broadcast jounalism …

Posted on Thursday, November 6th, 2008
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Back to your regularly scheduled stupidity

Jeez — anyone else feel like they’ve been hit with a stick multiple times today? And it’s not just from reading Oprah’s quote that, after Obama’s victory, she was “vibrating.” Good God — and conservatives are afraid of gay marriage?

Nobody of any political persuasion needs to know whether Oprah is vibrating, especially those of us with imaginations that are barely controllable to begin with. 

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Posted on Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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President Obama

Oh oh oh – it’s 7:35 and they’re doing the Star Trek/Star Wars thing again on CNN. They just beamed up the Capitol building and they’re doing the 3-D map. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.

 

Sorry.

 

Mark my words, watching CNN during the 2012 election will require 3-D classes. Or a degree from MIT.

 

They have a picture of Al Franken up and I can’t stop thinking about his role as a drunk baggage handler in “Trading Places.” They aren’t projecting his race so far, but you know it’s a good night for Democrats if the drunk baggage handler gets elected.

 

Where have you gone, Tom Davis, a nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you.

 

This just in – Joe Lieberman is calling all his old Democrat pals and trying to convince them he was only kidding.

 

Whoa – Will.I.Am from Black-Eyed Peas is appearing in the studio as the 3-D hologram. That way, we can see how fabulous his hat is from the front AND the back. Pretty soon, with this technology and an anti-climactic election, Bill Bennett and James Carville will be reduced to fighting to the death with lightsabers.

 

Just a thought but, if they were going to beam a full-figured member of Black-Eyed Peas into the studio, couldn’t it have been Fergie?

 

CNN has gone live to Kenya, where Obama’s father is from. They cut away before anyone could kill a sheep in celebration (no, really, they’re doing that).

 

CNN is pondering calling the presidential election at 7:53. Bill Bennett is saying something about praying for Obama and praying for America. He also looks like he’s praying he doesn’t throw up on Anderson Cooper again.

 

At 7:56, CNN calls Virginia for Obama. They want to say it … they want to say it… it’s almost 8 p.m. and the West Coast polls are about to close.  They CALLED IT.

 

Wow.

 

 

Posted on Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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