In my never ending quest to lure Metallica fans into giving my blog many hits, I have exciting news that apprently isn’t really news: Metallica gets its own Guitar Hero game, including a super double secret level that requires duel kick pedals. Maybe we’ll have to replicate Lars’ kicking those triples in the “One” video, which was the first time of many that orthodox Metallica fans complained about their heroes selling out becuase they made a video, or cut their hair, or made money or something. Good times.

Britney Spears usually looks confused when people are speaking English. This is even better.

I’m just upset they didn’t have her run through an obstacle course or put on headgear and fight someone or something.

Slate has a great piece on whether we want a president, with his finger on the nuclear trigger, having nicotine withdrawals and feeling edgy when the Russians or Chinese decide to screw with us.

They make some great points. He’s (going to be) the president. He should be able to do what he wants. Unless it’s with an intern …

Personally I think it’s disgusting when hot celebrities get naked in magazines. But, sadly, my beat is pop culture, so it’s my duty to report such things … like Jennifer Aniston getting naked on the cover of GQ — and talking some more about Brad and Angelina.

Did I mention Jennifer Aniston takes her clothes off on the cover of the new GQ?

For a hundred bucks, you too can have Spencer Elden show up at your party.

 The baby who floated while staring at money on the cover of Nirvana’s “Nevermind,” is now 17. He’s graduated from high school a year early, wants to be some sort of graphic designer, and occasionally re-creates the shot that made him famous, not to mention the cover of the record that basically turned the music world on its ear and launched the last great musical trend of our time.

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As Madonna gets ready to play her first concert in Chile, a prominent retired cardinal denounced the aging pop star for causing people in Chile to have “crazy enthusiasm,” and “impure thoughts.”

Of course, Roman Catholic Cardinal Jorge Medina did this in the middle of a tribute to former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet, a sweetheart of a guy who had more than 3,000 dissidents killed during his 1973-1990 rule.

Glad the church, as usual, has its priorities straight when it comes to sex and violence.

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A scientist/math whiz/nutburger in Canada has built himself a woman with which he eats, does bills, goes on drives, and considers “tweaking” to have sex.

I didn’t say that. He did. Sort of.

Can’t this guy just go out and buy some lady-scientist a couple margaritas and try tweaking a real human? Are they that scary? And what does this say about Canada? This guy must be a hoot of a conversationalist.

Then again, she is on duty 24/7 and doesn’t argue …

Metallica is making fun videos again. Check out the new one for “All Nightmare Long.”

It’s a bit strange, completely silly, and has zombies taking over America. Which is one big slice of awesome as far as I’m concerned.

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Apparently, according to Paula Abdul, “American Idol” producers were aware that Paula Goodspeed had been stalking Abdul for years when she showed up to audition for season five of the show.

Goodspeed, of course, killed herself outside Abdul’s home last month.

Abdul says she begged producers not to let Goodspeed near her. “Begging” sounds a bit far-fetched. If she was that concerned, she should’ve just got up and walked out.

Then again, she’d already had restraining orders against her, as Goodspeed allegedly sent Abdul naked pictrues of herself and wrote she wanted to be Abdul’s guardian angel when she was in heaven.

Geez – those sound like pretty nice things to offer somebody.

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This is just too much … I’m weeping so violently I can barely see the screen to type. This is beautiful, man, beautiful.

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