Part of the Bay Area News Group

Archive for January, 2009

Incredible- Same four chords in 36 songs

This just goes to show that very little in pop music is original. What’s incredible is that this actually seems so incredible. But – wow – the progression doesn’t change – only the vocal lines do. We should all feel very cheap for this.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

This blog isn’t about food …

Even if I occasionally write about the deliciousness of pizza, cheese and meat. Actually, I don’t really know what it’s about. But it’s not food … unless I’m totally hungry.

So I’ve had a few readers mention they try to subscribe to my blog, without success. After an exhaustive investigation by myself and a crack team of high-paid technological wizards, we’ve discovered that the code for my blog required to subscribe, actually read “insertfood,” rather than “Insertfoot.”

That’s right. I’ve let a typo prevent people from subscribing to my important, ground-breaking daily thoughts about explosions, criminals, celebrities, exploding criminal  celebrities, and occasionally … meat.

So the problem is fixed. Please feel free to subscribe and get my hits up before they fire me. Please. I’ve got a family to feed.

Posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

The bacon bomb

This is, perhaps, the greatest item of food ever dreamed up and cooked.

And that includes pizza, inside a pizza, wrapped up in a pizza, and topped by extra-cheesy tacos.

Well, maybe not.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Wrestler wants to beat up Mickey Rourke

This is kind of fun.

Pro wrestler Chris Jericho has taken offense to some things Mickey Rourke said on the red carpet recently and confronted him on CNN’s “Larry King Live.” He praised Rourke’s performance in “The Wrestler,” but basically said that if Rourke wants to wrestle him, he’ll turn him inside out.

Rourke agreed. Then — perhaps showing a bit of brain damage — he said that he would, however, do fine against Jericho if they were boxing or bare-knuckle fighting. (Rourke tried to become a pro boxer more than a decade ago.)

Jericho didn’t like that. Of course, this can’t be bluster, as professional wrestling is real and all. These guys mean what they say … always. I just want to see them fight.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

PETA ad too sexy for Super Bowl

Apparently an ad PETA made for Super Bowl has been rejected by NBC.

I don’t know why. Just because half-naked women are almost having sex with vegetables.

It’s basically a “Victoria’s Secret” commercial, only with veggies scattered about. So women rub the vegtables in new and interesting ways. Obviously NBC just hates vegetarians.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Saving the economy with breasts

Apparently Hooters is getting lots of competition in what’s being called the “breastaurant” industry.

One’s cleverly called “Twin Peaks.” Another is “Bone Daddy’sTexas-based Twin Peaks revolves around the theme of a man and a woman in a mountain hunting lodge.

Let me guess — they’re stuck in a blizzard, just the two of them. With no power. And a full liquor cabinet (cue porn music here). The waitresses wear flannel shirts, tied at the waist and shorts. And apparently, twice a month, they do bikini car washes.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Monday, January 26th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Lorelei in 2040

My 6-year-old stepdaughter Lorelei has decided to run for president … in 2040. Why not – campaigns start pretty early anyway these days. Her current platform includes ending war and more rights for greyhounds. She’s also promised to let me live in the White House, which of course means the return of the White House pool. See my column Tuesday for more details.

Anyway, my sister-in-law has made campaign posters, which you can expect to see a lot of the next 31 years. Though we may or may have some sort of copyright issue eventually – we have plenty of time to hire an attorney later.

Posted on Sunday, January 25th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Beware the overdue library book

A woman in Iowa was recently jailed because she didn’t return a library book she had since April.

Geez – would this be a bad time to admit that I’ve had one out since 1977?

Forget I said that – LALALALALALA.

Posted on Saturday, January 24th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Man becomes goat!

I’ve heard some great stories about people going to great lengths to escape the authorities. Heck, I’ve even seen some of them in person. But transforming into a goat to evade capture is probably the best. In fact, it may be the most awesome thing that’s ever happened in the history of the universe.

The Vanguard newspaper in Lagos, Nigeria, reported on Friday that two men tried stealing a car a couple days earlier. When vigilantes cornered the men, one of them turned himself into a goat.

Then he got caught. Which makes me wonder why he turn himself into either something that could fly away, or at least something more menacing than a goat. Like a cow.

But what’s even better was that the police arrested the goat (no word on handcuffs), then paraded the goat out to the press to show off their suspect.

But wait – THERE’S MORE! You know what’s even better? Is that one of Nigeria’s biggest daily newspapers reported what sounds like a real story about the suspect turning into a goat, complete with a picture.

You may not believe this, but belief in black magic is fairly common in some areas of Nigeria.

(Sorry – this was the best Goatboy clip I could find that had more than 30 seconds of Goatboy).

Posted on Friday, January 23rd, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Worst metal video ever?

Because we’re mature men with impeccable taste in modern music, some buddies and I were discussing the global cultural impact of the upcoming Keel reunion tour. It got me thinking , which usually leads to no good. So, as I repeatedly kept watching the worst 80s metal videos I could remember (I was feeling a bad metal fever coming on and this definitely was the cure), my colleague George Kelly sent me this awesome diagram of where metal names come from.

Now, please enjoy the greatest (worst) heavy metal video of all time, accompanied by the greatest (worst) cardboard stage props, greatest (worst) lyrics and song title spelling by a former Kiss guitarist in history. Let’s put it this way: I thought it was ridiculous when I was 18, and that was the same year I paid to see Stryper. The video quality isn’t good but you might want to look at that as a good thing. Your retinas aren’t as likley to burn. Speaking of burning, please, for your own sake, watch all the way through until you witness a man wearing a jumpsuit and helmet inexplicably catching fire and running across the stage. It’s really the way all videos should end.

Posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | No Comments »