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Dumb still alive and well in 2009

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, January 8th, 2009 at 12:50 pm in Uncategorized.

You know, I always wondered why they keep wild animals in cages at the zoo. I mean, some of them just look so cuddily and nice. And they must like humans; why else would they choose to live among us in zoos?

But now I’m starting to think maybe that’s not true. Gu Gu the panda has struck again. For the third time, the panda – who, in its defense, is probably totally cuddily – has attacked a vistor who climbed inside its cage. This time it was a guy who decided the toy his 5-year-old dropped in Gu Gu’s space at the Beijing Zoo was worth trying to retrieve, despite the 240-pound bear growling, salivating, and giggling at the thought of yet another stupid tourist coming in and screaming “Hey, wild animal, please BITE ME!”

Gu Gu previous bit a teenager in October, which you can’t blame the bear for, since most teenagers deserve to be bitten by wild animals. In 2007, a drunken tourist climbed into the pen to try and … wait for it … HUG that big ol cutie pie of a wild, salivating giant bear.

People … for the last time, DON’T CLIMB INTO ZOO CAGES WITH ANIMALS. THERE’S A REASON THEY’RE IN CAGES. They’re pissed because some jerk-off stole them from their jungle home, therefore THEY WILL BITE YOU TO DEATH IF THEY GET THE CHANCE.

 I’m starting to think that maybe those bars on the cages aren’t necessarily to keep the animals in as much as they’re supposed to keep the stupid humans out.

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