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Archive for January, 2009

Wednesday’s headlines on a map

This site is a lot of fun. Just put your mouse on an area and up will pop that area’s newspaper’s front page. It should be interesting to use and compare Wednesday morning, when the world’s newspapers will be reporting about Barack Obama becoming the president of the United States. Click to make the pages bigger.

Posted on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
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Babies and Obama

I stayed home to watch the inauguration this morning and decided to keep my 7-month-old daughter in the room with me. Because she’s a burbling, hand-swinging whirl, I stuck her in her little play structure thingie right before Obama’s speech started.

Now I know people want to bestow powers of perception on their children at that age. For example, I thought my older daughter could speak Swahili and bark a warning right before earthquakes. Or maybe that last one was the dog. Anyways, I’m not so foolish to think my kid had any idea today was an important day. Even though, I have to say, It was really something to realize that my daughter will never remember a time when we didn’t have, at least once previously, a black president. I think that’s when the enormity of today really hit me.

But anyway, back to the amazing capabilities of my offspring. Just before the speech started, she was still babbling, drooling, slapping at her toy things and generally acting like a 7-month-old. But the second the speech started – and this is no joke – she ceased all movement, went silent, and stared at the television for almost the entire speech.

I was so impressed, I took a picture.

I guess the point is that the conviction and determination of Obama’s voice during his inaugural speech was noticeable even to a baby. I don’t know – maybe it was something else. But once he was done, she was back to spitting on herself and speaking baby language. That his tone carried so much weight is encouraging. He obviously means it. I just hope some optimism and good karma springs from his words. I’m trying to be optimistic which, for a wiseass cynic like me, isn’t easy. But like Sam Jackson said, “I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m trying real hard …”

Posted on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
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Then again, maybe we’ll miss him.

You know, as much as I believe the past eight years was just a bad idea, I do find the outgoing president to be be kind of cute. And funny. Whether he knew it or not. Watch this:

And, just for fun:

Posted on Monday, January 19th, 2009
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Why would anyone insult an Osbourne woman’s man?

Just a week or two after the film of her mother smacking around a contestant of “Rock of Love Charm School” for making fun of Ozzy, Kelly Osbourne has been arrested in London for slapping a gossip columnist who made fun of her boyfriend for supposedly not knowing how earthquakes happen. 

Let me say, for the record, that I like everyone the Osbournes like. They’re all very smart, good-looking and athletic. The best type of people, without question.

Now watch this video of Sharon Osbourne.

Posted on Monday, January 19th, 2009
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This just in: Kids are still stupid

In what shouldn’t be news to anyone, is reporting that a kid did the Christmas story stunt and, guess what, his tongue stuck to a light pole.

Every kid has done a variation of this. Though some of us were bright enough to have a pan of warm water nearby, just in case.

And this is off the subject, but was today’s plane crash in the Hudson River the first time those airplane rafts were really used? Seriously – that had to have been the first time a plane went down in water without sinking like an anvil. Kudos to that bad-assed pilot.

Posted on Thursday, January 15th, 2009
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Ryan Seacrest tries high-fiving blind guy

Just more evidence that Ryan Seacrest is at the root of all of America’s problems:

Posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
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Rickey and Rice on Letterman

New Baseball Hall-of-Famers Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice read the Top-Ten list on David Letterman last night. And I don’t think Rickey spoke in third person even once.

Posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
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This isn’t good

If you’re headed to Washington D.C. next week for the big Obama bash, you might want to bring a bucket. Or go before you leave. A lot.

A George Washington University professor says the 5,000 port-o-potties planned for the event are “grossly inadequate.”

That’s funny – “grossly.”

Anyway, Professor John Banzhaf, the so-called “Father of Potty Parity,” (no, really, it calls him that) told that disaster looms, People will wait in long lines, could potentially get sick, and cause a green mushroom cloud to explode over Washinton, killing all life on the East Coast.

OK, I made that last part up. But you never know.

Port-o-potties, when not causing diasters resulting in the loss of human life, can be a source of great fun. Watch this video (and give it a minute):

Posted on Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
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Virginity almost at $4 million

Natalie Dylan, the college student who’s auctioning off her virginity to pay for grad school, has the bidding up to $3.7 million.

Dylan, the San Diego resident who announced the auction in September, is (kind of ) following in her sister’s footsteps. She paid for college by working as a prostitute for three weeks.

Sounds like that family has the good-old American can-do attitude.

There’s no word on who the highest bidder is so far. Dylan, 22, has said she’ll be willing to undergo medical tests to prove she hasn’t done it. Wow – in this economy, for someone to pay that much for sex … they better get a cuddle and breakfast out of the deal.

Posted on Monday, January 12th, 2009
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107-year-old seeks husband

This one might be a challenge for

“Friendly, outgoing (very) senior citizen living in Chongqing, looking for inactive man who still remembers his name and won’t nod off into his plate while having dinner at 3 p.m. Original teeth not a necessity. Oh, by the way, I’m 107 so hurry the hell up.”

Wang Guiying was afraid of getting married when she was young. Which was a long LONG time ago. Apparently wives weren’t treated so hot in China. But now she’s afraid she’s become a burden to her family and wants to finally get hitched.

The only catch is she’s looking for someone also in triple digits.

Local officials are supposedly helping her search. It’s a good thing that, in China, they have about a billion people to choose from.

Posted on Monday, January 12th, 2009
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