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Archive for February, 2009

7-year-old on drugs

I saw this and remembered my own 7-year-old just got a tooth pulled. I wasn’t there, but I heard her reaction was similar. This father videotaped his 7-year-old son right after he, too, got a tooth pulled last year. The kid is still gassed and is extremely hilarious.

Don’t try this at home. But, please, watch the Chad Vader parody following the original. And if you don’t know who Chad Vader is, take the rest of the day off and watch all the back episodes on YouTube. Tell your boss it’s OK, that I said so.

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Posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Every Sopranos curse word in one clip?

I want to say, upfront, that I’m not proud of how amusing I find this video.

Somewhere in the afterlife, as I sat at my desk giggling hysterically today watching this, my grandmother was yelling for me to grow up. At the very least, there’s a grave in Pleasant Hill experiencing a lot of shaking as the woman inside is rolling furiously.

Anyway, someone with a LOT of time on their hands compiled a clip containing footage of every curse word ever uttered on every episode of “The Sopranos.”

Put together, the entire thing runs something like 27 minutes. I could only stand a couple before co-workers started looking at me with funny looks. I mean, looks funnier than usual.

Anyway, know that — duh — there’s a LOT of bad language in the following clip. You’ve been warned:

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Posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Naked hikers

Apparently the Swiss are having problems with naked hikers.

This is a bad trend. Most people should never walk around naked — even in the shower. Science tells us that less than 1 percent of the human population looks good naked. And if science doesn’t really tell us that because I’m just making it up, it’s a pretty good bet anyway.

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Posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Barack Obama can curse like a Cheney!

The link at the end of this post takes you to a website where a very funny person has posted audiobook clips of President Barack Obama reading his book “Dreams From My Father.”

Apparently, back in high school, Obama had a friend who, like him, was half-white, half-black. I didn’t read the book because there weren’t enough pictures. But he quotes his friend in the book. And his friend, apparently, had a Ph.D in cursing. And listening to our new, dignified president quoting his old friend, is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

WARNING: the following link contains extreme bad language (which is why immature idiots like me find it so amusing). There’s even bad language in the link itself. There, you’ve been warned.

Posted on Friday, February 6th, 2009
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Kellogg’s is dumb

Photo of Michael Phelps advertisement by Flickr user Cory M. Grenier used under Creative Commons license

Photo of Michael Phelps advertisement by Flickr user Cory M. Grenier used under Creative Commons license

Kellogg’s cereal won’t renew its contract with Olympic swimming champ Michael Phelps, after a picture surfaced last week showing him hitting a bong at a college party last fall.

As my colleague Karim so accurately points out, that makes Kellogg’s big giant hypocrites. Because, as anyone knows, hungry potheads go right for the breakfast cereal when there aren’t any Doritos in the house. It’s hard to speculate how much money the company has made, thanks to people smoking pot and wolfing down giant Costco-sized boxes of cereal.

Not me, of course. I’m just saying … I know people.

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Posted on Friday, February 6th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

OK, fine. I’ll do it.

My Facebook-mandated 25 things you probably didn’t know about me (or whatever it’s called). I have to do it, as it’s sweeping the nation.

1. I was at Ed Halicki’s no-hitter in Aug. ’75.

2. I’ve had a strange obsession with alligators since I was little. 

3. I met my dad and two sisters when I was 18.  If I had my dad’s last name, I would be Anthony David McPhee.

4. Buffalo Bill was my great-grandmother’s great uncle. She told me stories of meeting him when she was little.

5. My first street was named after my aunt (Julianne Court); the subdivision after my mom (Lynne Estates). My grandpa built six (I think) of the eight houses on the street, including the one I grew up in. I lived with my grandparents until I was 12.

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Posted on Thursday, February 5th, 2009
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Former Guns N’ Roses bassist Playboy’s new financial guru

Duff McKagen, former Guns N’ Roses and current Velvet Revolver bassist (and also former drummer of The Fastbacks – betcha didn’t know that) has been hired as a financial columnist for Playboy.

This just in: Motley Crue has announced that Alan Greenspan is their new drummer.

 

You know, it makes a certain amount of sense. Unlike the annoying talking heads on television, Duff actually has real world experience making, then losing, then making millions. He’s actually gone to school for this (at Santa Monica Community College – where I once took a French class for all of two weeks. I’m not sure why). Plus Duff has been sober for more than a decade, which you may or may not be able to say about your current financial advisor. So he’s clear-headed. And being an L.A. rock star, I’m pretty positive he knows his way around the mansion.

So what the hell – maybe we should all listen to Duff. It’s not like he can make things worse.

Posted on Thursday, February 5th, 2009
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A GALLON of silicone??!!

Good to see doctors taking their craft seriously and doing what’s best for their patient’s health.

This woman who, quite clearly, has some issues, decided eight breast enhancement surgeries and a gallon of silicone poured into her chest wasn’t enough. So when Texas doctors wouldn’t make them any bigger, Sheyla Hershey went to Brazil to get a ninth surgery done, achieving the distinction of having the world’s largest breasts.

Later she’ll achieve another record – world’s most fragile spine.

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Posted on Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Canceling cable service on Super Bowl weekend

So my wife decided she’d had it with our malfunctioning Dish Network box and canceled our service … on Saturday.

So not only do we not have television until Thursday, I couldn’t watch the Super Bowl pregame show. Which was fine – we were going to our friends’ house for the actual game, and missing the pregame just meant I was able to get some things done around the house before turning into a gluttonous fool the rest of the day.

But I didn’t realize that I had to get back home by 7 so my daughter’s mother could pick her up.

I can’t tell you, as a football fan, how wonderful it felt to wake up this morning realizing I missed almost all of the fourth quarter of what so many sportwriters are calling the greatest Super Bowl in history. Awesome. Thanks for that.

Posted on Monday, February 2nd, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Greatest fan story ever

It’s amazing what can happen during a celebration when people are drinking and not paying attention.

Meet Lionel – the luckiest fan in the world.

Posted on Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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