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Archive for May, 2009

73-year-old breakdancer

A sweet little 73-year-old guy recently went on Britain’s Got Talent, said he could breakdance, and started throwing himself all over the floor.
I can’t wait to get old and, just by virtue of doing things I’m not supposed to at that age, become cute all over again.  Though in this guy’s case, he needs to be careful or WHAMMO, he’s in the hospital for hip surgery. I guess that would make him a 73-year-old breakahip dancer.

Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.

Posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009
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This kid is going to be a mess in five years

I can’t imagine what’ll happen to this poor man once the kid really learns how to talk.

As a guy with two daughters and two stepdaughters, I can sympathize. Just in case, this man needs to stop breeding immediately.

Thanks to reader Margie, who sent me this.

Posted on Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
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Now accepting money to kick my @&%

We just got some news about upcoming salary reductions around here, which is great for people like me, who need less money to spend stupidly when I’m not overdrawn.

But this is a serious issue that may have a lot of people around these parts considering options. And in giving it serious consideration, I’ve decided that I want to be like Jose Canseco and let people pay to beat me up. Only I don’t have money for steroids. Or, come to think of it, doctors.

Then again, maybe not. I’m not bright, but I can’t think of a big enough check to get me in the ring with a 7’2″ Japanese MMA fighter. But if anyone wants to pay me to come over and hang around their house and watch TV or something, I’m totally up for it. And any and all other ideas.

Posted on Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
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Jay Bennett dead

Former Wilco guitarist Jay Bennett, who just sued his former band for alleged unpaid royalties last month, was found dead in his home over the weekend. No cause was listed and an autopsy has been scheduled.

Bennett was essentially tossed from Wilco while the band was making their breakthrough record Yankee Foxtrot Hotel. Anyone who saw the documentary about the making of the record knows how uncomfortable it was to watch the power-pushing between Bennett and Jeff Tweedy. They would also know that Bennett was a creative whirlwind and passionate about music, as well as an exceptionally instinctive musician – though he was never able to replicate the magic he made with Tweedy after he left Wilco. It’s sad that he’s gone.

Posted on Monday, May 25th, 2009
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Mickey Mouse dead

I just saw this story about the man who was the voice of Mickey Mouse for more than three decades. And I can’t help but think it’s the cutest friggin thing I’ve ever heard that his wife happened to be the woman who voiced Minnie Mouse.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Wayne Allwine (AHL’-wine), the actor who voiced Mickey Mouse for more than 30 years, has died.

The Walt Disney Co. says Allwine died Monday of complications from diabetes. He was 62.

His wife of 20 years and the voice of Minnie Mouse, Russi Taylor, was by his side.

Allwine has voiced Disney’s main mouse since 1977. He joined the company in 1966 when he took a job in the mail room and went on to work in the sound effects department, where he began trying his voiceover talents.

He won an Emmy Award in 1986 for his sound editing on the NBC series “Amazing Stories.”

 

Posted on Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
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New Wilco record

For the last seven Wilco fans who didn’t already know, the band is streaming its new record (“Wilco (The Record)” on its website. It arrives in stores June 30.

It’s a bit early to say exactly how much I like it, because Wilco records always taste best when you’ve given them about 10 bites (listens). I will say I just started listening yesterday and I already really like it, which usually means I will declare it a masterpiece and not be able to stop listening in about a week. Jeff Tweedy sounds happy, and there’s actually a couple songs that could be successful singles. The tone isn’t that much of a departure from the last record and, as usual, the musicianship is first rate. Again, it is a bit more upbeat and, at the risk of using what has become a cliche, but it sounds like Wilco has been listening to lots of Beatles on at least a couple songs. This band is just incredible in the studio – there’s perhaps no other band that masters the little studio tweaks and turns that fill out songs so well. Which makes it all the better when they bring it so well in live venues

And there’s a camel on the cover, which you just can’t beat.

Posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
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What scares bodybuilders?

Someone with a plastic cup, apparently.

The following story is true, according to the Associated Press. And it’s really funny. Especially the part about them running:

BRUSSELS (AP) — The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.
A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.
“I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.
Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition.
Cooman says the sport has a history of doping “and this incident didn’t do its reputation any good.”
During testing of bodybuilding events last year, doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found that three-quarters of the competitors tested positive.

Posted on Monday, May 18th, 2009
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Why animals eat their young

I know it’s kind of cheap to pull content off The Onion and post it on my blog. But, frankly, I’m just too lazy to think up my own material. This was just too good for any parent not to see and, instead of being lame and e-mailing it to my friends, I’ll just post it here:


Congressman’s Son Won’t Shut The Hell Up During Hearing

Posted on Thursday, May 14th, 2009
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Guns ‘N Waffles

Today’s proof that civilization is about to implode. I don’t know what’s worse: the customer throwing a waffle, the waitress getting a gun, or the restaurant not allowing people to eat out of to-go containers.

I think, probably, the last one.

By the way, Nostradamus said that all three of those things would happen one day. Right before the seas start to boil.

Posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
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Shirley Jones naked?

Shirley Jones was a pretty hot mom 35 years ago on the Patridge Family (much finer and hipper than Carol Brady and I’ll fight anyone to the death who says otherwise). But this may be going a bit far.

 

 

 

 

According to imdb.com, Jones’ husband is pushing her to pose nude for Playboy at the age of 75. “The former Partridge Family star has been married to her manager, Marty Ingels, for the last 31 years. And he’s hoping Jones will strip off for Hugh Hefner’s raunchy magazine and send a message that beauty is not dependent on age.”

Ironically, not according to Hue Hefner.

 ”He tells the New York Post, ‘She’s still drop-dead gorgeous, and at the age of 75, a natural beauty. I’m her husband, and I think it would be sensational. Mature women are relevant.’

Posted on Monday, May 11th, 2009
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