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Archive for October, 2009

Oh God, the PAIN

So I have this new thing where I take a book to the gym with me. I didn’t really plan it, but I’ve been reading good books lately that I can’t put down – so they go to the gym with me. I usually listen to the TV with the headphones and oogle the hot MILFs at the gym – uh, I mean, I respect all the women around me because I’m a really good guy, and I’m just there for self improvement.

Anyway, I’m reading the new book, and I knew I had to go to the gym because I’m out of shape and have diabetes and don’t adhere to my diet like I should, so I go to the gym as much as possible and hope I’ll live long enough to see my children graduate from high school (if you’re about to log off this blog and find something interesting to do – like watch the old concrete on your driveway separate  I’ll understand). Reading trashy spy novels is one of my biggest weaknesses (next to animal sacrifice) And I love this book so much that – instead of the usual 35 minutes on the bike – I did 70 minutes for the first time ever, because I couldn’t stop reading. That and the fact that my wife was home doing major cleaning, which I wanted no part of. But never mind that.
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Posted on Saturday, October 17th, 2009
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Glen Beck still crying

The only time i care about Glenn Beck is when he cries. So, right now, I’m in love with Glenn Beck. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Friday, October 16th, 2009
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KISS drummer had breast cancer

Just when I was about to blog about the stupidity of people who chase flying saucers with balloons they leave in their yard so their small children can climb in and take off … I discovered Peter Criss had breast cancer.

Criss got over it, as did my awesome sister-in-law Sonia Mansfield, who had a surgery last Friday and is home, cancer-free and on a lot of pain medication. As Sonia says, she kicked cancer’s ass.

Posted on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
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Watch out for the CHP

I was in a store the other day, purchasing various household items for my family because I am a caring family man and provider, when I heard the most interesting conversation between two men in their early 20s, one of whom is apparently training to become an officer of the California Highway Patrol.

 

First guy: You know why I want to be in the CHP?

Second guy: Why?

First guy: Because they’re all about the three things I love best: speeding, guns and violence.

Second guy: HAHA (high fiving first guy).

I can’t wait to meet this fine young man out on the freeway some day.

Posted on Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Who’s screwing with me?

So about two month ago, give or take, I lost my wallet. It happens all the time and I always find it. I had this wallet for 13 years, so it’s not like I’m that responsible. I just misplace things.

So, figuring it was really done this time after a week or so, I got a new one and hurried to get a new ID because I was going on a trip (the new license came, seriously, two days before I left. I called TSA and they made it clear an expired ID would not get me on the plane). So anyway, I’ve moved on with the new wallet, new ID, credit cards, etc. I had a lotto ticket in the old wallet, which I knew would finally be the winner. But what the hell – it’s not like I could use million of dollars anyway.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st, 2009
Under: Uncategorized | 4 Comments »