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Hicks: Five things not to do on Earth Day

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 at 1:20 pm in Uncategorized.

Today’s Earth Day, which means … I don’t know, really.

Is it the day all the head-in-the-sand Global Warming deniers finally acknowledge that thousands of climate scientists – including those boneheads at NASA – are correct in saying we’re all going to be swimming for our lives in a few years?

Probably not. But my wife did move our recycling can to where the garbage can used to be in some sort of political statement or something.

I don’t know what to do today, but I can tell you five things not to do on Earth Day:

1) Fire up a chainsaw and run around a park, telling children you’re about to kill all the trees. Sure, it would be hilarious, and you could put it on YouTube, but … actually, that’s something you should do. Just don’t actually kill any trees. Or children.

2) Tackle a cow. Cows eat a lot of stuff that gives them gas, which helps cause Global Warming. Tackling or squeezing cattle, which would make them fart, would contribute to the problem. Though, in fairness, it would be fun.

3) Listen to Dramarama, who did that song that mentioned Earth Day. It wasn’t one of their best moments.

4) Torch a state park. Just in case you were considering it …

5) Build a plane out of Styrofoam. Especially if you’ve been drinking.

6) (Bonus suggestion): Don’t eat a live pigeon in front of a second grade class. Trust me on that.

Happy Earth Day. Just get through it and we can all go back to being our usual selfish, short-sighted selves tomorrow.

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One Response to “Hicks: Five things not to do on Earth Day”

  1. Julie Says:

    Does this mean my great great grandchildren will have webbed feet, too?

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