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Groin slap game? Really?

By Tony Hicks
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010 at 10:54 am in Uncategorized.

If there wasn’t enough proof that kids are, for the most part, stupid, then this would be the clincher.

An poll of 100 urologists showed that 30 percent of the doctors have seen or treated teen or pre-teen boys for injuries incurred by “sack-tapping.”

That’s right. Boys are out there smacking each other in the junk. 


 Either it happens in ambush situations, or games – games –  in which boys – for reasons only they know – whack each other in the groin until (I’m presuming here) one of the participants collapses screaming for God to kill him as quickly as possible, thereby losing the game.

Why? You couldn’t pay any reasonable person enough money to allow such a thing to happen to them.

When I was a kid, we’d pencil fight (trying to snap each other’s pencils – literally, that’s not code for something else). We’d do dumb knuckle smacking games until someone gave up. I even knew some guys who used to punch each other in the face until someone gave up (A friend of mine wanted to do this in ninth grade and I made the mistake of letting him go first. By the time I recovered my wits and could see straight, he was running down the street, laughing).

In other words, I’m completely familiar with the stupidity of boys that age. But I never even fathomed (and I fathomed a lot, believe me) anyone would be so moronic as to want any part of something like this. Not on the giving end and – no, really – especially on the receiving end.

Let me see if I can describe this accurately: Getting hit in that area is sort of like Mike Tyson, circa 1988, sneaking up on you and hitting you in your unprepared stomach as hard as he could. With a bat. A big one. If you don’t lose consciousness – and I almost did once in sixth grade when a Clare Souza threw a hardball at my groin when I wasn’t looking (she must’ve liked me or something) – you wish for a swift death.

Every generation says it, but I think this confirms it: Kids these days really are dumber than we were.

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3 Responses to “Groin slap game? Really?”

  1. heyjoe Says:

    And I thought “grab ass” was wrong.

  2. heyjoe Says:

    This got me thinking. Mr. Fantastic would be awesome at this game.

  3. Tony Hicks Says:

    Great point. So would the Flash.

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