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Archive for August, 2010

Vegas could become a ghost town

This just in: People who use cocaine may not be allowed to host club parties in Las Vegas, after Paris Hilton’s recent arrest for cocaine possession.

If that’s the new criteria, it’s going to severely limit the possibilities. 

This story keeps getting better and better. From Hilton saying everything BUT the drugs in her purse belonged to her, to the next story of her saying she believed it was a pack of gum, to today’s story quoting her hair stylist saying Paris doesn’t have time to do drugs, because of her career …

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh … whew. Her career …

Doing what, exactly? Shopping? Getting photographed year after year with a smug-yet-vacant smirk on her face? Battling it out with Lindsay Lohan to stage as many photo opps as possible to convince parents this is the last person on the planet you want your daughters to emulate?

Posted on Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
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The 10 Worst Movies of 2010?

It’s not even September yet and they’re rolling out the 2010 lists already. MSN had the brass to go ahead and do a list today and, while I can’t disagree, I also can’t agree because I didn’t see any of these movies. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
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Ozzy’s 10-year-old guitarist

This kid has some nerve, being this good at 10. I hate kids. Watch the little freak here.

Posted on Thursday, August 26th, 2010
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A real exorcist?

I just got a press release from a PR guy repping a supposed real-life exorcist (in conjunction, of course, with Eli Roth’s “The Last Exorcism,” coming out next week). Read the rest of this entry »

Posted on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
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Hicks: How to REALLY get the kids ready for school

IT’S THE BEST, most exciting week of the year, when other people paid by the state take our children off our hands all day pretty much for free.

Summer’s great and all, but by late August we could all use some structure. No more kids running around the house screaming like their pants are on fire (which, I swear, only happened once at my house this year), no more running around the yard screaming like their pants are on fire (again, once) and no more going to various family-friendly locations every third day, where children run around screaming like their pants are on fire.

From now on the children get up in the morning, mope around, get ready for school, go to school, bother other adults all day, come home, mope some more, do their homework, go to bed, and generally don’t run around screaming like their pants are on fire.

But getting there from here can be a challenge. I found an article on about transitioning kids from summer to school. I read with interest on how the author and supposed parent expert does it, compared to how I do it. To contrast:

* Getting the kids up: The parent expert suggests putting on a CD, maybe something family-friendly from a specific band geared for kids (I don’t care if the band paid the guy from MSN to plug them, I won’t endorse them … unless I see a check). Challenge the kids to have a task done by the end of each song, the expert says.

* Show me a kid who pops out of bed and gets right to doing everything she’s supposed to before school, and I’ll show you a kid who’ll need self-defense training and years of therapy. I prefer the direct approach parents have used for years: Place a large stereo speaker next to their bed, turn up the volume to 9, and play Anthrax’s “Madhouse” until they run screaming into the kitchen to eat breakfast. 

  • To get them dressed: The expert says ask your “little ones” how they are feeling today, then help them express it in clothes from a specific designer (I can’t imagine the payoffs this guy gets. I need his job).The real way to approach this is give your child (above age say, 7) one chance to pick out some sensible clothes. If that doesn’t work, tell them they’re going to school in their pajamas. If that still doesn’t work, toss them in the car and drive until they beg to be allowed one more chance. * To get them to eat lunch: Our expert says, to get the kiddies to eat lunch, use a (company’s name blocked) sandwich cutter, to make silly shapes they can’t wait to wolf down. I say get their input so they can’t blame you later, pack their lunch, and swear that if they don’t eat it they’ll die of malnutrition before sundown.
  • To get them to do their homework: Our expert, who’s starting to make me seriously angry, suggests giving them a little lap desk, just like mommy or daddy’s laptop, to encourage them. I say stick them at a sturdy table and don’t let them do anything other than breathe until they finish said homework. It’s pretty simple.
  • To get them clean: Ugh, I can’t believe someone actually spells this out. Next.
  • To get them to sleep: Yes, this is a biggie. Of course, our heroic expert is pimping a specific book to read them at bedtime — which makes no sense unless the letters were printed in ink laced with cough syrup. You know what works? Any book they like, as long as you’re reading to them. And as long as you tell them you’re reading for 15 minutes (or whatever), then read for exactly 15 minutes.
  •  Hopefully all that will tire them out so you can turn around and do it the next day — without anyone screaming like their pants are on fire.
  • Posted on Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
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    Hicks: Leopold!

    I was reading a new book tonight when it introduced a new character named Leopold. Immediately, I couldn’t get this out of my head (scroll to about the 20-second mark to get it started): Read the rest of this entry »

    Posted on Monday, August 23rd, 2010
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    Hicks: Clearly, animals have had enough of us

    So yesterday a bull goes into the stands in Spain and mauls a bunch of people who think it’s entertainment to watch someone dressed like Madonna’s dance teacher torture and eventually kill it. I’m sorry to say a kid got hurt but, other than that, good for the bull. Read the rest of this entry »

    Posted on Friday, August 20th, 2010
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    Hicks: Town named for metal singer

    I saw that headline and got excited, thinking a city really named itself after a heavy metal singer. Then I saw it was only for a day (c’mon, who hasn’t had a city named after them for a day) and the singer was Read the rest of this entry »

    Posted on Thursday, August 19th, 2010
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    Hicks: Quit yer belly-achin’

    Next time you don’t want to get up and exercise, or walk the dog, or play with your kids … wait – that sounds like me. Read the rest of this entry »

    Posted on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
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    New Van Halen record

    Continuing the day’s blog theme of bands I thought ruled when I was in high school (OK, and still do), I just saw an item on the wire from Billboard concerning a new Van Halen record, which would be their first in 12 years (if you count that one they made with Gary Cherone): Read the rest of this entry »

    Posted on Monday, August 9th, 2010
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