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Hicks: Caffeine and murder

By Tony Hicks
Monday, September 20th, 2010 at 11:59 am in Uncategorized.

THIS is why I don’t drink coffee.

A Kentucky man named Woody Will Smith, who’s accused of strangling his wife, is about to claim that excessive caffeine from soda, energy drinks and diet pills have left him so screwed up, he couldn’t possibly understand he was killing his wife.

Hey man, been there …



Well, not where I’ve actually killed a wife (though some of you, I know, have wondered what happened to the first one…). But I get the caffeine thing. If I have too much, it makes me crawl under the furniture and cry hysterically.

I admit to doing the energy drink thing from time to time, with mixed results. But I stopped drinking coffee more than a decade ago. I didn’t discover the joy of caffeine until the early 90s and, being who I am, quickly bought an espresso machine and escalated my new habit to about three double espressos before noon every day. And then one day I became sort-of psychotic (espresso insanity and Disneyland don’t always mix) and ever since, If I have just half a cup of coffee, I roll up into the fetal position and become unresponsive to my loved ones. It’s not pretty.

That said, this guy didn’t kill his wife because he was overly caffeinated. Sounds like he killed her because she was cheating and he has a bit of a complex about his own appearance. That’s just a professional guess, though …

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