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Hicks: Why that giant glowing bunny is chasing you

By Tony Hicks
Sunday, November 7th, 2010 at 10:33 am in Uncategorized.

So, apparently up in Washington state, they have a place called Hanford Nuclear Reservation, where they used to make weapons during the Cold War. And after demolishing one of the buildings, a wild rabbit – ho-hum – goes to drink a from a puddle by the building …

Right. This is where I tell you the thing grew to 40 feet tall and began devouring the townsfolk …

I wish.

But the thing did become radioactive and had to be destroyed. Now they’re looking for its droppings, so other animals don’t eat them – animals are disgusting, by the way – and become radioactive too.

With all the various military installations closing around the Bay Area – and who knows what goes on in the hills above Livermore – it’s only a matter of time before the wrong animal eats the wrong cow pie and WHAMMO there’s a giant raccoon destroying downtown Livermore. Or they stay normal-sized, but obtain superpowers and it’s payback time for the humans, with possums banding together to shoot lasers out of their eyes at cars, incinerating all the occupants on the spot.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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One Response to “Hicks: Why that giant glowing bunny is chasing you”

  1. Kim Says:

    Your column is the best part of my Sunday mornings and is the first thing I look for in the paper. The hubby and I actually compete to see who can get it read first (with the crumb-snatchers and the ankle-biter, sometimes getting anything read on a weekend morning is a challenge in itself). Thanks for our reading enjoyment.

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