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I’m dumb

By Tony Hicks
Friday, February 18th, 2011 at 8:04 pm in Uncategorized.

So I thought I’d get creative for Valentine’s Day. My lovely wife was talking about how much she’d like a world map on our wall.

Well, yeah, I said. I’m a guy. We love maps like we love gigantic TVs. So I found a really artsy one on the Internet and ordered it. It came in two sizes. Well, again, because I’m a guy, if I’m going to have a map, I want the biggest manliest map I can get my hands on. I want a Hummer of a map.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

The map arrived and it was bigger than at least half the countries it displayed. It wouldn’t fit on the wall we were planning on hanging it.

Still, I figured what the hell. It’s cool, it’s big, we’ll move some stuff around. So tonight I took it to Aaron Bros. to get it framed. I even had a coupon for 50 percent off. I didn’t want anything fancy: no double-matting or frame that by itself could be considered art. Just frame it and let’s move on.

The sales people gasped.

In order to get this Death Star-sized piece of art framed required a frame heavy enough to hold it. They weren’t even sure they could do it. When they figured out everything they needed to figure out, they gave me an estimate.

And I’m not sure, if I suddenly gained possession of the Mona Lisa, I would pay more than $900 to get it framed.

Oh, but I had a coupon. So, jeeze, I could’ve just spent $450.

So the plan now is to see if the company I bought the behemoth from will take it back and let me buy the smaller version. Otherwise, If anyone wants an awesome world map at a good price, call me. I’m going back and buying the one that won’t require me draining the kids’ college fund.

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