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George Lucas makes Darth Vader into simpering little girl

By Tony Hicks
Thursday, September 1st, 2011 at 4:11 pm in Uncategorized.

 NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

LucasFilm confirmed on Thursday interent rumors on the internet about the upcoming release of “Star Wars: The Complete Saga” on Blu-ray, with (terrible) alterations to the films that have (rightly) outraged fans.

Changes George Lucas has made include having Darth Vader in “Return of the Jedi” specifically yelling “Noooo!!” when the Emperor is trying to kill Luke with his awesomely-evil finger lightning.

Oh geez — I didn’t spoil the ending just now, did I? Well, at least I didn’t spill how he’s Luke’s father.

D’oh. Anyway, Lucas also changed the Kyat Dragon call Ben Kenobi makes in “Star Wars,” according to SlashFilm.com, as well as a digital change to Yoda and the Ewoks, who now blink, thanks to computer-generated digital technology.

 Blinking Ewoks? Sweet Mother, what’s next? Someone gives them a holiday special?

 Lucas has previously released special editions, adding new scenes and special effects, including the (awful) infamous “Han shot first” change (look it up) in the 1997 “Star Wars: Special Edition.”

 Critics and any fans with half a brain claim that Lucas’ “tinkering’ has “destroyed the dramatic impact of the most iconic scenes in American film history.” An online campaign to boycott the Blu-ray package says the new collection “sends a message it is okay to mess with the originals.”

In other news, Francis Ford Coppola’s next re-issue of “The Godfather,” features Marlon Brando’s new signature line “I’ll make him an offer on which his legal counsel, a federal mediator and all affiliated subsidiaries likely will move forward in a positive fashion.”

 The 9-disc release includes all six of the films. Bonus features include audio commentary from Lucas, archival interviews with cast and crew, deleted, extended and alternate scenes, footage of costume turnarounds and concept art. Hopefully Lucas will explain why he’s turning Darth Vader into a simpering little girl. The re-release comes on Sept. 16.

 

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One Response to “George Lucas makes Darth Vader into simpering little girl”

  1. Sonia Says:

    We already pre-ordered the blu-ray version. I hate myself a little for buying it, because the changes make me so angry I could pull the ears off a gundark, but I can’t help myself.

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