So I’m vacationing in Monterey and I see “Tell No One” is playing in the old theater on the street that leads to the Wharf.

It’s a mystery, in French, based on a novel, in English, by Harlen Coben. And when I start watching, in a tiny auditorium that requires all of us in the audience to look up at the smallish horizontal screen, I realize I’d listened to the book on tape once upon a long commute.

The story opens with a husband and wife, in love since childhood, cavorting in a favorite lake, then lounging a capella on a raft in the middle.

After a relationship ripple, she swims back to let the dog out of the car. He hears a noise, hears her shout, then swims to shore, where someone knocks him out.

The scene shifts: It’s eight years later, he’s a practicing pediatrician still haunted by the incident that left his wife dead and him in a coma for days.

One morning he’s futzing through his e-mail when he finds a missive showing a woman who looks like his wife staring into a camera in what appears to be a train station.

It’s accompanied by the message, “Tell no one.”

The game is afoot. And it’s splendid, if, like me, you love action and suspense weaving through a cat’s-cradle-like plot.

And if you can handle the subtitles.

I found the film excellent escapism, even with it occasional tendency to trip over its own celluloid feet.

“Tell No One” is still playing at a couple of Bay Area theaters. Like visiting Monterey, it’s a great way to beat the heat.

They call these … `Smart’ people?

A great cast does not necessarily a great movie make. Consider “Smart People.”

On second thought, don’t.

Despite a glittering ensemble — Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ellen Page and Thomas Haden Church — the film’s a pill.

The dialogue’s decent but finding the energy requires a magnifying glass.

The plot’s sound, albeit familiar: Pompous, emotionally deadened widower with two intellectual teens gets life back on track with help from his ne’er-do-well brother and a pretty former student who still has a crush on him.

Nothing particularly profound there. Not much spice, either, except from Parker’s enamored physician — although her attraction’s a mystery because Quaid’s lit professor is a cold, abrasive stick-in-the-mud.

His smug daughter (Page) is so into being the smartest kid on the block that she has no friends, no life beyond studying and dropping sardonic remarks a la Page’s character in “Juno.” Her relationship with her wise, content slacker uncle (Church) gives the picture its soul.

Otherwise, the film pretty much flatlines except for an occasional blip of wit.

Extras: Filmmakers’ commentary; gag reel (after a Church screw-up, Page quips, “And you were nominated for an Oscar? … Just kidding”); dull deleted scenes; making-of short; more. On DVD and Blu-ray.

Battling surfers

Russell Crowe narrates “Bra Boys,” a surprisingly compelling documentary about a brawling “tribe” of surfers from the Maroubra suburb of Sydney, one of the poorest and toughest areas in Australia.

Surfing’s their escape.

Bits about the birth of the country’s surfing history mix with footage of Maroubra’s ever-evolving surfing culture and community — consisting mostly of broken homes.

At the center are the four Abberton brothers — Sunny, Koby, Jai and Dakota, all surfers — a couple of professionals, plus a handful of their fellow Bra Boys (which number more than 100, according to the film).

The drama kicks in when one brother is arrested for murder and, later, another is arrested as an accomplice. Passion for each other and their sport, along with loyalty to the tribe, play important roles in the story and contribute to its poignancy.

News footage of rowdy parties, riots and scrapes with police lace through the film.

Highlights are excellent surfing scenes that capture the danger and the beauty of the sport and the joy of conquering the big wave.

Extras: None.

Still the best

“Lonesome Dove,” the classic 1989 Western miniseries — remastered and re-released on DVD and Blu-ray as a two-disc “Collector’s Edition” — remains more entertaining than most of what you find onscreen today.

The story of two aging former Texas Rangers taking a huge herd of stolen cattle from Texas to Montana is everything you want in a movie, TV or otherwise: absorbing performances, tight direction (after a snoozer start), strong story and cinematography so rich you can almost taste the dust.

Directed by Simon Wincer from Larry McMurtry’s novel of the same name, the mostly well-paced six-parter is stuffed with rich characters.

Leading the pack are crochety longtime friends and ex-Rangers Gus McCrae (Robert Duvall) and Woodrow Call (Tommy Lee Jones).

Their cowboy crew (including Rick Schroder when he was still Ricky, Danny Glover and D.B. Sweeney) also gets its share of screen time, as do characters (Diane Lane, Robert Urich, Anjelica Huston, Steve Buscemi, Chris Cooper) in the engaging subplots.

Extras: Making-of short; new Wincer interview; original on-set interviews with stars; McMurtry interview; more.

Bad genes

“The Killer Gene” bears a visual resemblance to “Se7en” and, in places, “Saw,” but it never generates the tension of either.

Stellan Skarsgaard plays a soft-spoken veteran homicide detective with a lot on his mind and Melissa George is cast as his new partner — a la Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt in “Se7en.”

As in the latter, the prey is an inventive serial killer who leaves eerie clues.

The nastiness involves forcing bad people to choose between being tortured and killing a loved one.

The territory’s grim, understated and endless.

Extras: None.

Also on DVD

“American Mall”: Singer-songwriter wannabe whose mom owns a mall music shop finds her rhythm with a musician moonlighting as mall janitor; from the “High School Musical” producing team; with Nina Dobrev.

“The Art of War II: Betrayal”: Special agent Wesley Snipes, having failed to learn anything in the original, returns to avenge his mentor’s death, get involved with government corruption again and get framed again. Tepid writing.

“Frank”: Drooling mutt unites family.

“I’m Through with White Girls”: African-American man (Anthony Montgomery) who’s only dated white women tries dating black women.

“Kiss of Death”: Attacked by thugs, factory girl with fatal disease seeks revenge after training with retired martial-arts master; Hong Kong classic.

“The Secret”: Supernatural drama about a couple (David Duchovny, Lili Taylor), their daughter (Olivia Thirlby of “Juno”) and death.

“The Ultimate Mulan Two-Movie Collections”: Disney redux.

“Warlords”: In post-apocalyptic future, warrior David Carradine stands against a villain and his mutant hordes; 1989 sci-fi fantasy.

TV on DVD

“Blue Murder, Set 3” (Brit single-mom/police inspector)
“Caroline in the City, The First Season”
“Dave’s World: The First Season” (Harry Anderson as family man/humorist Dave Barry)
“The Dick Francis Thriller: The Racing Game” (jockey loses hand, become private eye in six-parter)
“Jane Goodall’s When Animals Talk”
“The Love Boat: Season One, Vol. Two.”
Also:
“Martin Lawrence Presents First Amendment Stand-Up: Season 2”
“Muhammad Ali: Made in Miami” (early days with transition from Cassius Clay)
“Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: Super Special Days!” (pre-schoolers learn Mandarin)
“P.D. James: The Essential Collection” (nine Adam Dalgleish tales)
“Play With Me Sesame: Furry, Fun and Healthy Too.”
Plus:
“Prison Break: Season Three” (also on Blu-ray)
“South Park: The Complete Eleventh Season – Uncensored”
“The Wire: The Complete Fifth Season”
“Yes to Running! Bill Hartley Live.”

Coming soon

Aug. 19: “The Life Before Her Eyes,” “Street Kings,” “Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day,” “Quid Pro Quo”

Me and my pelican

Nim (Abigail Breslin), a Robinson Crusoe-ish 11-year-old, cozies up to her island pals — a sea lion, a dragon lizard and a pelican (that can carry tools) — when her scientist father (Gerard Butler) disappears at sea in “Nim’s Island.”

Imaginatively shot, this kids-oriented tale is fun and exciting, but also tackles some heavy emotional issues (terror at the thought of being alone forever) and doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense — not in a logical universe, anyway.

Breslin shines as the spirited, self-sufficient girl whose mind conjures adventure fantasy scenes with Alex Rover (Butler again), her favorite fiction-book hero. When her pop doesn’t return, Nim e-mails Alex for help, not realizing Alex is really Alexandra (Jodie Foster), an agoraphobic San Francisco author too frightened to go outside for her mail.

Alexandra also channels Alex, visible as a brash alter ego prodding her to go to Nim’s island and help the kid. Foster’s comic shtick is funny — if you can appreciate agoraphobic humor from a woman whose best friend is imaginary.

Extras: Informative shorts about filming on water and working with animals; deleted scenes (check the undersea-rescue original shot); commentary with filmmakers, Foster and Breslin.

The real thing

During World War II, the Nazis pulled together a group of Jewish printers and inkers, a counterfeiter and other specialists from different concentration camps and set them up in special quarters – good food, linen sheets, fair treatment — in one camp to produce British pound notes.

The idea, as explained in “The Counterfeiters,” 2007 Oscar-winner for best foreign-language film, was initially to weaken the Allies’ economy, but ultimately to bolster the almost bankrupt German Army. Failure would mean death.

Point man on the job was Salomon Sorowitsch (Karl Markovics, whose expressions and countenance hold your attention through the slow moments).

A con artist and counterfeiter supreme, “Sally” willingly helps the Nazis — to stay alive in decent conditions, mostly isolated from the concentration-camp madness outside his quarters.

The voice of dissent belongs to his friend Adolf Burger (August Diehl), whose attempts at sabotage prolong the creation of the notes and endanger his colleagues.

It’s a drama of survival, conscience and ethics, laced with fear, played against a background of intimidation. In German with subtitles.

Extras: Flavorful interview with the real Burger, the counterfeiter and Holocaust survivor whose book “The Devil’s Workshop” inspired the film; director’s commentary; deleted scenes; rehearsal footage; more.

It’s a grind

A cover blurb calls veteran director Fred Olen Ray’s “Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers” the “fourth greatest B-movie of all time.” Makes you wonder what the top three are.

No matter. This grindhouse staple — “grindhouse” meaning made quickly and on the cheap, and often packed with nudity, sex and violence — will be best appreciated by fans of the genre or the midnight-movie crowd.

A typewriting private eye (Jay Richardson), who narrates in a noir style approaching parody, bumps into a group of chainsaw-wielding prostitutes hooked into an Egyptian cult run by the guy who played Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen) in “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.”

There’s the requisite disrobing, blood and gruesomeness, plus many dead spots. The acting’s about what you’d expect.

Extras: Include director’s commentary and “Nite Owl Theater” episodes, but do you really care?

Also on DVD

“Experience Hendrix”: Highlights from two tribute concerts.

“Garfield’s Fun Fest”: Fun with computer-generated cat and dog.

“I Got the Feelin’: James Brown in the ’60s”: Director’s cut of “The Night James Brown Saved Boston” (performing the day after Martin Luther King’s assassination) and two concerts.

“I Love the ’80s”: Forty repackaged DVDs, each with a four-song CD, include “Beverly Hills Cop,” “Top Gun,” “Fatal Attraction,” “Pretty in Pink.”

“Miss Conception”: Hearing her biological time clock gonging, a young woman (Heather Graham) initiates a variety of high jinks to get pregnant.

“Joy House”: On-the-lam con artist takes job as live-in chauffeur for U.S. widower; remastered 1964 thriller with Alain Delon and Jane Fonda.

“My Brother Is an Only Child”: Rival brothers remain tethered by family and a woman after joining warring political parties in Italy in the ’60s.

“Pete Seeger: The Power of Song”: Documentary about the iconic folk singer, his music, politics and blacklisting; includes interviews with Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan.

“Rogue — Unrated”: Huge, Type-A crocodile chomps tourists stranded on island in Australia; with Radha Mitchell; not enough bite.

“Starship Troopers 3: Marauder”: Futuristic troopers battle big, bad, fast-moving, spiderlike bugs.

“The Super Fun Show!”: Claims to gets kids 3 to 9 off the couch, moving to music and learning.

“Webs”: Electrical workers fall onto an alternate Earth where the few humans battle big, bad, fast-moving, spiders and spiderlike humans;l with Richard Grieco.

TV on DVD

“Anthony Bourdain: Collection 3”
“Back at the Barnyard” (computer-animated)
“Ben 10: Season 4”
“Biography: Barack Obama”
“Biography: John McCain”
“The Executioner’s Song: Director’s Cut” (with Tommy Lee Jones as killer Gary Gilmore)
“Family Ties: The Fourth Season.”
“Foyle’s War, Set 5” (Brit detective in England during World War II)
“Get Smart, Season One”
“Growing Up Safari”
“Heart — Live”
“Robin Hood, Season Two”
“Queen Sized” (with “Hairspray’s” Nikki Blonsky as a plus-size senior up for homecoming queen)
“Star Trek: The Original Series: Season Two” (remastered, with Tribbles)
“Sunset Tan: Season One” (celebs and employees at an L.A. tanning salon)
“Terminal City” (Canadian series about a woman with breast cancer asked to host a hospital-based reality show)
“Wire in the Blood: Prayer of the Bone” (BBC episode about clinical psychologist who works with police was shot with Robert Rodriguez’s crew in Austin, Texas)

Harold and Kumar go on another joint adventure

Yes, it’s grosser than its hit, hip predecessor, especially at the start, and it’s a little lighter on laughs, but “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” still delivers enough affable, off-color, oft-tasteless drug-induced silliness to make it fun for those who enjoyed “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.”

The story continues where the first film left off. On a flight to Amsterdam where Harold (John Cho) hopes to spark with his pretty neighbor, he and Kumar (Kal Penn) get mistaken for terrorists, are taken to Guantanamo Bay, escape, and try to make it to Texas to get help from Kumar’s ex-girlfriend’s well-connected fiance.

Got all that? If not, it doesn’t matter. The fun’s in the journey, during which the boys run into Neil Patrick Harris, again drugged-up and hallucinating, the Ku Klux Klan and George W. Bush.

One tip: Watch the film with the feature that lets you choose which way you want the story to go in a handful of scenes.

For instance, you can watch a party sequence where supporting players are nude on top or nude on the bottom. Another time, you can choose between seeing Harold’s dream or Kumar’s.

Each time, after watching the version you choose, skip back and watch the same scene with the other option. (If the film abruptly ends, just skip back.)

You won’t break the flow because there is none.

Extras: Filmmakers’ commentaries (my DVD player crashed just as I was about to check these out); additional scenes and shorts; bonus digital copy.

Scorsese films Stones

The beginning and end, as well as a behind-the-scenes featurette, deliver the kinds of insights and playfulness I wanted from Martin Scorsese’s “Shine a Light,” a concert film about the Rolling Stones.

There’s a smattering of the personal during the picture, but mostly it’s all about close-ups of the Stones performing — which beats sitting miles away in the Oakland Coliseum stands. They weren’t in very good voice when I saw them there a couple of decades ago, and they still aren’t today — except for Keith Richards’ surprisingly mellifluous solo on one number.

Mick Jagger is Mick Jagger, a man whose engine continues to operate on eight cylinders onstage.

Stones fans will get their money’s worth; it’s a long set. The early scenes show a perfectionist Jagger in no hurry to decide on the Stones’ songs and an increasingly agitated Scorsese (whose “The Last Waltz” is better). The concert’s a benefit; Bill Clinton opens.

Extras: Four bonus performances; behind-the-scenes short.

Mad Maxine
Director Neil Marshall (“The Descent”) dives into the post-apocalyptic genre with “Doomsday,” a fairly tense, find-the-serum-to-cure-humanity actioner driven by Mad Max(ine)-ish Rhona Mitra.

Raised as an elite fighter after being handed to the military as a child by her mother — the angst factor — she and her unit are dropped into the quarantined area (a la “Escape From New York”) to battle face-painted, cannibalistic survivors until they find the scientist with the cure.

Don’t think; just go with the flow. OK time-filler for fans of the genre.

Extras: Making-of and visual-effects shorts; more.

Do you still want to play?

With tight direction by John Badham and enthusiastic performances by Matthew Broderick as a 17-year-old computer whiz and Ally Sheedy as his flirtatious gal pal, “WarGames: 25th Anniversary Edition” holds up well, despite its humongous computers and archaic dial-up systems.

Broderick’s a hacker (not so bad, then) who unknowingly engages a state-of-the-art military computer in a war game that could result in World War III.

The story plays light and fast. Tension escalates when the kids go on the run from the government.

The original’s much more entertaining than its sequel, “WarGames: The Dead Code.”

New this week, “Dead Code” follows the same blueprint, resulting in a supermarket-bland version of a brand-name hit. The game’s a terrorist-attack simulation, the director’s Stuart Gillard and the star’s Matt Lanter.

Don’t bother.

Extras: On the original: “Tic Tac Toe: a True Story,” “Loading WarGames,” “Inside NORAD” shorts; more. On the sequel: director and actor commentaries, making-of short, photo galleries.

Also on DVD

“Barrio”: Award-winning coming-of-age saga about three working-class teenage boys looking for work, finding trouble and fantasizing about women one summer in Madrid; in Spanish.

“Corduroy … and More Stories About Caring”:Seven kids’ tales with different narrators.

“The Deal”: Stephen Frears directs Michael Sheen as Tony Blair and David Morrissey as Gordon Brown, Blair’s mentor, then rival, in a prequel to “The Queen.”

“Extasis”: A 1996 thriller with Javier Bardem as a twentysomething opportunist who convinces two friends to rob their families and skip town; in Spanish.

“Never Back Down”: Mixed-martial-arts instructor Djimon Hounsou teaches bullied teen Sean Faris how to stand up for himself.

“Outfoxed: Fox Attacks! Special Collector’s Edition”: Critical documentary about Fox News coverage rereleased with new bonus materials.

“Puzzle”: Violent thriller about five criminals brought together for a heist, then forced to deal with the suspicious death of their leader; in Korean.

“Stargate Continuum”: The “Stargate SG-1” cast (Richard Dean Anderson, Ben Browder, Amanda Tapping, et al.) lands on an Earth whose history has been changed.

“Tai-Chi Master”: Booted out of martial-arts school, two best friends become enemies who meet in battle years later; with Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh.

“Tyrone Power Matinee Idol Collection”: “Luck of the Irish”; “This Above All”; “Johnny Apollo”: “Girls’ Dormitory”: “Day-Time Wife”: “I’ll Never Forget You”: “Second Honeymoon”; “Cafe Metropole.”