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Comedian Will Durst kicks off annual CCUSA

By Lisa Vorderbrueggen
Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 10:43 am in Contra Costa County, Contra Costa politics.

Will Durst

Will Durst

Political comedian Will Durst, the self-described “thinking man’s comic,” opened today’s annual CCUSA conference in Concord with a round of early-morning bipartisan humor.

The conference is the Contra Costa County’s yearly public issues symposium. This year’s event features a panel on the budget, a look ahead in politics with former Assembly Speaker Willie Brown and a lunchtime address by former Contra Costa County Supervisor Sunne Wright McPeak. The day will end with a keynote address by Pulitzer-prize winning journalist and author George Will.

(It’s a little weird because Will Durst is standing about 10 feet from me as I write this.)

Durst bemoaned the loss of George W. Bush, a president he said delivered material “you just can’t make up.” President Obama, onthe other hand, is tough.

“You can’t mock hop:e. It’ s like kicking a small fuzzy thing with big eyes.”

Click through to read some of Durst’s lines:

On the impeachment trial of Illinois Gov. Blagojevich: “The governor’s office in Illinois is like a half-way house … in reverse. Become governor and go to prison.”

On the recession: “God bless Vallejo. (Vallejo went bankrupt last year.) Vallejo knew something that the rest of us didn’t know. As goes Vallejo, so goes America.”

“My 401K is now a single-digit K, or maybe just a K.”

On the federal bailout: “We have no idea what happened to all that money. (Former Treasury Secretary Henry) Paulson went to Vegas? Put $700 billion on red.”

On politicians: “Politicians always ‘misspeak.’ Don’t you wish we could do that. ‘I’m sorry, Your Honor, I mis-embezzeled.”

On the presidential primary in 2008 and the length of time it took Democrats to select a nominee: “Everyone is a winner n the Democratic Party. It’s like the Special Olympics.”

On the election of President Barack Obama: “I can’t believe Americans set aside their prejudice and voted for … a Harvard law graduate.”

On humor in the White House this year: “(Vice President Joe) Biden may help me out … But he is so boring. I’m surprised the Secret Service name for him isn’t Al Gore”

On GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney: “He looks like he was dipped into a polyurethane bath.”

On GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin: “She was like Republican crack. For the first two weeks, it was wooooo, wooooo, wooooo … but for comedians, Sarah Palin was like big dose of methadone.”

“What do you call a mother who believes in abstinence only? Grandmother.”

“She handles a gun better than (former Vice President) Dick Cheney. If you get hit in the face by Palin, it’s no accident.”

“But I will say this about Palin. She did turn Katie Couric into a journalist.”

On GOP presidential nominee and U.S. John McCain of Arizona: “He has eight houses. Can you imagine the size of his key ring?”

“Imagine what John McCain would lookl ike after four years? He started out in a sarcophogus. He’ll look like yoda.”

On former President George W. Bush: “He was a Wheel of Fortune president in a Jeopardy world.”

“Where does a president put his presidential library? He doesn’t read … They shoudl put it in a FEMA trailer.”

“What does Bush do next? I think we can rule out think tank.”

On New Yorker cover featuring Barack and Michelle Obama as militants: “This is what happens when liberals try to help.”

On the economic trickle-down theory: “I’m tired of being trickled on.”

On lawyers: “If you’ve seen one honest lawyer, you’ve seen them both.”

On a potentially boring Obama presidency: “At least we have California.”

On California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger: “What’s with the marriage of Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver? An experiment to create a bullet-proof Kennedy?”

On unimaginable things:

“Michael Jackson Daycare Center”

“Mattel Al Gore Action Figure Set.”

“George W. Bush Mensa Application”

“Democratic Leadership Council”

“Republican Ethics Council”

“Larry King Live”

“www.Amish.com”

“Concord, Calif., After Hours Entertainment Guide.”

“Fox News”

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  • RR

    Ha-ha…Will is funny about 25 per cent of the time