3

Your political singalong: ‘Akin Breakin’ Heart’

(To the tune of “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray “Father of Miley” Cyrus:)

Go and tell Missouri, and tell Governor Romney
I’m not droppin’ out of this campaign
And tell Claire McCaskill, that Democratic rascal
She’d better not be popping that champagne

I was asked about abortion, so I served up a portion
Of knowledge ‘bout “legitimate rape”
I took a lot of heat from the liberal elite
I wish the Dems would stop airing that tape.

But don’t tell my heart, my Akin breakin’ heart
That I look like a political clown
‘cause I know in my heart, my Akin breakin’ heart
Them woman parts can “shut that whole thing down.”

You can tell John Cornyn he really shouldn’t horn in,
On Show-Me State concerns he shouldn’t scold
And you can tell Scott Brown, way up in Boston-town
At least I never was a centerfold

Oh, tell all your doctors, your uptight Barbara Boxers
I learned the birds’n’bees from my gran’pa
But now they’re using me to judge the GOP
I guess I won’t be welcome in Tampa.

From St. Lou to Kansas City, I’m not getting much pity
Rasmussen shows I’m now 10 points behind
But about a woman’s body, my knowledge ain’t so shoddy
So you can tell ‘em all I’ve not resigned.

And don’t tell my heart, my Akin breakin’ heart
That I look like a political clown
‘cause I know in my heart, my Akin breakin’ heart
Them woman parts can “shut that whole thing down.”

Josh Richman

Josh Richman covers state and national politics for the Bay Area News Group. A New York City native, he earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Missouri and reported for the Express-Times of Easton, Pa. for five years before coming to the Oakland Tribune and ANG Newspapers in 1997. He is a frequent guest on KQED Channel 9’s “This Week in Northern California;” a proud father; an Eagle Scout; a somewhat skilled player of low-stakes poker; a rather good cook; a firm believer in the use of semicolons; and an unabashed political junkie who will never, EVER seek elected office.

  • JohnW

    That Rasmussen poll smacks of Karl Rove mischief.

  • Akin’s Claim: Brain Fart

    “I done told the world, can’t get pregnant a girl
    Who’s been raped, no doubt ’cause of clothes she’d donned
    She probably let him in, no problem she’ll begin
    To shut it down so nothin’ in there’s spawned

    “I caused some alarm, sounded like the funny farm.
    OK! So my choice of words was poor
    Such sushing from the lips about my bonehead quips
    Now party bosses don’t know me no more.”

    He ain’t very smart, so Akin’s claim: brain fart
    He says critics misunderstand
    But they know he ain’t smart, and Akin’s claim: brain fart
    Don’t sell well in sanity land

    Euw!

    “All should become ma’s even if raped by pa’s
    Besides, no one forced ’em to spread their legs
    If she wears a short shift, result must be short shrift
    Because women after men are God’s dregs

    “So now I ask you, please, forgive me, like a sneeze
    It came in an involuntary way
    So please don’t criticize my poor choice of words guys
    God forgave me, so why won’t you today”?

    Ain’t ingrained with smarts, so Akin’s brain departs
    Six terms?! That’s hard understand
    Cuz Akin ain’t too smart, can’t make dim bane depart
    His bosses who now want him banned

    Euw!!

  • Elwood

    Both parties have their loonies.

    Harry Reid has imaginary friends.