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Archive for the 'political humor' Category

Cowboy Libertarian talks ‘nut cuttin’ time’ in new book

 

'It's Nut Cuttin' Time America!' by Patrick Dorinson, Cowboy Libertarian and former California GOP communications director

Cowboy Libertarian and ex-California Republican Party communications director Patrick Dorinson has a new book out just in time for the 2012 general election called “It’s Nut Cuttin’ Time America!”

For the uninitiated, “nut cutting” refers to that pivotal moment in a male calf’s life when a bull becomes a steer. Or castration, if you prefer the more clinical term.

I haven’t read the book yet but I’ve known Dorinson for years. And the book is almost certainly humorous in a Will Rogers fashion, that wry western common sense tone one finds in places where cowboys and cowgirls must rely on their wits if they hope to bring home the cattle in one piece.

Yeah, Dorinson dresses up real nice. I’ve seen him on numerous occasions dressed up in a spiffy suit and tie, schmoozing politicos and the press corps with his cowboy charm.

But since Dorinson left the California GOP — and the GOP entirely, to become an independent a few years ago — he has been tapping into his lengthy cowboy roots. He bought a ranch in Nevada City, writes columns, blogs and hosts a weekly radio talkshow on Saturdays near his home at Newstalk 1530 KFBK.

Liberal Bay Areaites may not agree with Dorinson’s libertarian politics but you cannot help but laugh at his turn of phrase as he describes his journey from devout Republican to avowed independent.

“I have chased more false prophets than the ancient Hebrews in the Old Testament!” he wrote in the book description materials.

Hmmm. Could Dorinson be talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger?

 

Posted on Thursday, September 27th, 2012
Under: 2012 presidential election, political humor | 1 Comment »

Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a …

Cowboy Libertarian blogger Patrick Dorinson pens an essay on how government operates on the Scarlett O’Hara Theory of Government:

Our current crop of politicians operates according to the Scarlett O’Hara Theory of Government based on the main character in Margaret Mitchell’s 1938 classic “Gone with the Wind”.

 Its main tenet was expressed neatly by Scarlett at the end of the movie when she said, “I’ll think about that tomorrow because after all tomorrow is another day!”

 Meanwhile, the bills keep piling up, the debt is left untouched and the train wreck of the unfunded liabilities of Social Security and Medicare grow worse by the day.

Posted on Tuesday, February 21st, 2012
Under: political humor | 2 Comments »

Trump out but poster is a keeper

Businessman Donald Trump is out of the presidential primary contest but the humor of his candidacy will live on.

Had he run, would his campaign theme song been “Hair?” (Full disclosure: I stole that line from the reader who sent me this poster.)

Trumps campaign poster?

Trump's campaign poster?

Posted on Monday, May 16th, 2011
Under: political humor | 1 Comment »

A musical primary post-mortem

When I’m having a good day, or sometimes when I’m down, I sometimes give myself a gift on the limited budget available to me as a reporter: a 99-cent splurge on new iTunes song for my iPod. And so as the primary election winners strut and the losers lick their wounds, here are a few suggestions for songs they might want to add to their playlists:

Meg Whitman, the billionaire former eBay CEO who spent $71.1 million out of her own pocket to buy the Republican gubernatorial nomination: “Money” by Pink Floyd, or “Killer Queen” by Queen

Steve Poizner, buried under Whitman’s $71.1 million and a 37-percentage-point deficit in the election results: “Wipeout” by the Surfaris

Chris Kelly, who spent $12 million out of pocket to lose the Democratic primary for Attorney General to San Francisco District Attorney Kamala Harris by 17 percentage points; PG&E President and CEO Peter Darbee, whose company spent $46.4 million on the unsuccessful Proposition 16; and Mercury Insurance Group President and CEO Gabriel Tirador, whose company spent $15.9 million on the unsuccessful Proposition 17: “Can’t Buy Me Love,” by the Beatles

Carly Fiorina, who as the GOP nominee for U.S. Senate has had the last laugh after people snickered at her “demon sheep” ad attacking rival Tom Campbell: “Sheep” by Pink Floyd

Abel Maldonado, the appointed incumbent who – despite winning the GOP’s nomination to try to keep the lieutenant governor’s office – knows his party wants him and needs him but there ain’t no way it’s ever gonna love him: “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad,” by Meat Loaf

Gavin Newsom, the San Francisco mayor who won the Democratic nomination for lieutenant governor but might have his own words from 2008 on same-sex marriage come back to haunt him in November’s general election: “Like It Or Not,” by Madonna

Steve Cooley, the Los Angeles District Attorney who broke from California tradition by being a moderate capable of winning a Republican primary: “Middle of the Road,” by the Pretenders

Tom Torlakson, the Antioch Assemblyman who placed second and so will go to a November runoff – at which time he’s likely to pick up a lot of the Democratic votes that went yesterday to third-place finisher Gloria Romero, along with stronger Democratic turnout overall – against former school district superintendent Larry Aceves for state Superintendent of Public Instruction: “Time Is On My Side,” by the Rolling Stones

Mike Villines, the Clovis Assemblyman and former Assembly Republican Leader widely berated within the GOP for OKing a budget deal with tax hikes last year, who now is eight-tenths of a percentage point – 11,204 votes – behind political unknown Brian FitzGerald, an Insurance Department attorney from Napa who raised no money, in the GOP primary for Insurance Commissioner: “Living on the Edge” by Aerosmith

Brian FitzGerald, who might want to ask himself, “Well, how did I get here?” : “Once in a Lifetime,” by the Talking Heads

Posted on Wednesday, June 9th, 2010
Under: 2010 election, 2010 governor's race, Abel Maldonado, Attorney General, ballot measures, Carly Fiorina, Chris Kelly, Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris, Lt. Governor, Meg Whitman, Mike Villines, political humor, Propositions, Steve Poizner, Tom Torlakson, U.S. Senate | 7 Comments »

Jay Leno praises Lesher Speaker Series?

Leno

Leno

Steve Lesher, the driving force behind Newsmakers, the annual Lesher Speaker Series, may have been exaggerating just a tiny bit when the event’s inaugural speaker, funny man Jay Leno, mentioned the Lesher Center for the Arts on the Tonight Show.

“He talked about how it is the greatest venue in all of California, and how appearing at Newsmakers was the high point in his career, hands down,” Lesher wrote on the LesherSpeakerSeries.org blog.

But then Steve came to his senses.

“Well, not exactly.  It was cool, however, to hear him mention ‘Walnut Creek, California at the Lesher Center for the Arts,’ when introducing his guest, Dana Carvey, who is appearing here in town at an upcoming charity benefit.”

Click here to watch the segment.

Posted on Thursday, March 18th, 2010
Under: political humor | No Comments »

Brown in the nude? TMI!

I have great readers who send me stuff including this link to Cosmo’s web site, where you can see the 1982 nearly-nude pictures of Sen.-elect Scott Brown, R-Mass.

My goodness. And here I thought Cosmo was just a place to find out the latest advance in mascara technology.

But the link got us to talking here in the newsroom about which of our local elected officials we never want to see naked.

It’s an exhaustive list. I won’t bore you with their names as you will probably have your own ideas.

And I’m pretty sure they feel the same way about us.

Posted on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
Under: political humor | 1 Comment »

No Nixon Halloween mask? Say it ain’t so

A colleague of mine scoured the central Contra Costa Halloween costume stores this week and could not (insert gasp here) find a Richard Nixon mask.

This is not right. We can’t have Halloween without bands of trick-or-treaters roaming the suburbs wearing Tricky Dick masks.

Instead, Times photographer Karl Mondon found this Veep Dick Cheney mask, which doesn’t even look that much like Dick Cheney. (Bernie Madoff, maybe? Or Rush Limbaugh?)

At least it was cheap: On sale for $7.97.

The Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton masks cost $19.99 each, a tad pricey for a prop. At $29.99, the Sarah Palin mask was way too dear for the paper’s paltry illustration budget.

What about George W. Bush? No mask of him either.

But there’s a big shipment coming next week to the Halloween Spirit stores. All is not lost just yet.

Posted on Thursday, October 8th, 2009
Under: political humor | 3 Comments »

Turkeys at the Contra Costa Times? Say it ain’t so …

Turkeys have invaded the Shadelands business park in Walnut Creek where the Contra Costa Times’ offices are located. Times columnist Gary Bogue tells me a flock of six turkeys has been hanging out in the neighborhood for a few months.

Hmmm. Is this where out-of-work-reporters go?

A turkey feeds in an open lot across the street from the Contra Costa Times offices in Walnut Creek. No word on whether he has applied for a job in the newsroom or not.

A turkey feeds in an open lot across the street from the Contra Costa Times offices in Walnut Creek. No word on whether he has applied for a job in the newsroom or not. Photo by Lisa Vorderbrueggen/Contra Costa Times

Posted on Friday, July 10th, 2009
Under: political humor | No Comments »

Anti-troll device now available

Where can I buy a can of this?

Posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
Under: political humor | 1 Comment »

Get your own Obama ‘First Pair’ cut-out dolls

The Barack & Michell Obama Paper Doll & Cut-out Book by John Boswell, Randy Jones and Susann Ferris Jones

"The Barack & Michell Obama Paper Doll & Cut-out Book" by John Boswell, Randy Jones and Susann Ferris Jones

People send all kinds of stuff to the newsroom and every once in a while, something fun shows up on my desk.

In June, St. Martin’s Press will release its Barack and Michelle Obama paper doll and cut-out book by John Boswell and illustrated by Randy Jones and Susann Ferris Jones.

Dress up your very own buff Obama and a shapely Michelle in their election night attire, inaugural clothes,  Kenyan costumes or their vacation in Hawaii with mix-and-match accessories.

I have my First Pair sitting on my desk right now (see picture below) wearing their “First Day on the Job” outfits, complete with the president’s Blackberry. (Inexplicably, the authors didn’t give the president a cigarette to hold because, really, he should quit.)

Boswell has collaborated on books such the New York Times bestseller “French for Cats” and produced the “First Family Paper Doll and Cut-out Book.” Jones’ work has appeared in the New York Times and the National Lampoon and Ferris-Jones’ work was featured in “The Cat’s Night Before Christmas” and “French Cats Don’t Get Fat.”

The First Pair on Lisa Vs desk wearing their First Day On The Job attitire

The First Pair on Lisa V's desk wearing their "First Day On The Job" attitire

Posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
Under: political humor | 1 Comment »