A “death wish” from Bay Point

Longtime Contra Times Times reader and unofficial Bay Point Mayor Gloria Magleby has a complaint with this newspaper. Here’s a chuckle for your day:

Obituary, Obituary,
Oh, where can you be?
Are you in section A, or B, or C?
Are you on page 2 or 3 or 5?
‘Cause I’d really like to know for sure,
Whether I’m dead or alive.
Should I look in the Sports Section
For news of my demise,
Or just keep searching ’til
“Obituaries” hit my eyes?
As we older people like to say,
“Keep the obits in the same place and way,
‘Cause, like it or not,
We’re going to be found there some day!”

Signed: Rabble Rouser Gloria


Dog drives man out of the closet

A press release from the Walnut Creek Police Department prompted those of us working in the newsroom today to wonder if modern criminals are just, well, dumber than they used to be.

The police report that just before 1 p.m. today — that’s broad daylight, folks — a 31-year-old unemployed guy waltzed into the backyard of a Walnut Creek house carrying a backpack. And he did it in full view of a neighbor, who knew the homeowners were away on vacation and he called the police.

The police arrive and find a back window had been removed and they could hear this guy banging around inside the house.

Busted, right? It wasn’t that easy.

Officers told the guy to come out.

He refused.

Officers and a police dog from Concord searched the house found him hiding in a closet. (Oooh, they’ll never find me here!)

They told the guy to come out.

He refused.

So, they sent the dog into the closet and the dog bit the guy in the arm.

He came out.


Oil found under White House?

Testimony by Rep. Barbara Lee, D-Oakland, on the floor of the House of Representatives, in opposition to a bill that would lift a 25-year moratorium and allow states to drill offshore for oil and natural gas:

“First ANWR, now the Outer Continental Shelf. Republicans would put an oil well on the White House
lawn if they could get away with it.”