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That other Newark is for the birds

The Associated Press reports that a family near a “City of Newark” somewhere on the East Coast — go figure — recently got a surprise from the sky. Here’s the story:

Wild turkey

“Wild turkey smashes through family’s window”
The Associated Press
Article Launched: 06/02/2008 12:32:23 PM PDT

LIVINGSTON, N.J. — This isn’t a regular wake-up call. A wild turkey, standing roughly two feet tall, crashed through the double-paned window of a Livingston family’s home Sunday morning.

The sound was so loud that homeowner Lena Rosenblum told The Star-Ledger of Newark she thought it was a tree crashing through the roof. The bird appeared to be uninjured.

The family called police, but when officers arrived, a beep from one of their walkie-talkies startled the bird, which flew back into the woods.

(Information from The Star-Ledger.)

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DEFEATED!

peta5.jpgKristi Yamaguchi can sleep peacefully tonight; she’s still Fremont’s reigning sweetheart. Ashley Peterson of Fremont got smoked like a sausage in the finals of PETA’s Cutest Vegetarian Alive competition, even though she converts 95 percent of the carnivores she dates.

Kelly Anderson of San Antonio, Tex. is your champion.

Had Ashley won, she would have been the high-pitched voice of young vegetarians everywhere and possibly the next top PETA model.

Now it’s back to the grind for the 21-year-old aspiring voice-over artist. And for the Tri-City Beat (TCB),  its time to focus more on hard news and less on objectifying young, female vegetarians. Thanks for the memories, PETA.

It’s been mentioned around here that Ashley might have been jinxed by her constant exposure in the TCB. Similar hexes do exit.

We’ll find out for sure about this supposed Tri-City Beat curse later this year when the TCB starts flagrantly campaigning for the surefire next mayor of Fremont: Linda Susoev.

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Oops, She did it again

peta2.jpgAshley Peterson is both an irresistible force and an immovable object. The 21-year-old Fremont resident devoured Cupcake Klimski to reach the finals of PETA’s Cutest Vegetarian Alive Contest.

kelly.jpgThe only person standing between Ashley and soy protein immortality is Kelly Anderson (pictured right), an 18-year-old vegan from Texas, who bears a slight resemlance to leather-clad rocker turned animal rights diva Chrissy Hynde of The Pretenders.

From the looks of it, this should be a dairy-free cakewalk for Ashley, but anyone who wants to pad her margin of victory, click here to vote. Balloting runs through April 23.

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Yes, We Can!

peta1.jpgThanks to undoubtedly strong support from Tri-City Beat viewers, Fremont’s Ashley Peterson is one step closer to becoming the “Cutest Vegetarian Alive.”

The 21-year-old made mincemeat of Megan Osgood, aka, “The Chicken Lady,” in the quarterfinals and now faces Cupcake Klimski of Spring, Texas in the semifinals.

cupcake.jpgCupcake, pictured on the right, likes Fruity Pebbles with soy milk, and seems to be a big fan of dark eye makeup.

I’ve already voted three times for Ashley, who by the way, MediaNews just interviewed.

To vote, click here

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Fremont, land of cutest vegetarian?

peta.jpgWell, Fremont might no longer be one America’s top walking cities, but it could soon be home to the “Cutest Vegetarian Alive.”

Fremont resident Ashley Peterson moved on to the quarter-finals of a beauty contest last week sponsored by PETA, the animal rights outfit that has won the hearts and (minds?) of coutless b-list actresses.

In the Round of 16, Ashley chewed up and spit out Savannah Grissinger, a sweet 16-year-old from Orlando. Now she squares off against Megan Osgood, known in her hometown of South Paris, Maine as “The Chicken Lady,” for her extensive protesting of the local Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise.

Our hometown hero is a 21-year-old vegan who loves soy chai lattes and, apparently, converting male carnivores. She says a whopping 95 percent of the guys she dates turn vegetarian and stick with it. To vote, click here.

Full disclosure: I am a vegetarian. I was also a member of PETA, but quit because the organization’s hollywood spokespeople made me feel physically inadequate. I also continued to use the free return-address labels PETA sent me long after I stopped giving it money.