
CNN
I have never been able to figure out what exactly it is about Paris Hilton that entrances people. To quote the overquoted Gertrude Stein, “there’s no there there.” (Now that’s an interesting juxtaposition: Paris Hilton and Gertrude Stein). …
Still, I sat down last night to experience all the televisual grandeur and cerebral sustenance of Larry King’s hour-long interview with the hotel heiress as she discussed her nightmarish 23-day stay in the pokey. Why? Well, because it seemed like the thing to do and I know you expect the TV Freak to be all over it.
And I must say that, even though I’m a battle-tested TV viewer who has taken on his fair share of prime-time shrapnel, it was a major challenge to endure Hilton’s ceaseless barrage of trite self-realizations (”I have a new outlook on life.” … “I feel like I started my journey.”), the dreadfully dull pace and King’s monotonous questions without waving the white flag of surrender.
And through it all, I kept thinking: “Thank God she didn’t get paid for this.”
However, I did find some parts pretty amusing. At one point Paris, dressed in demure lace, said she’s not much of a drinker and I had an immediate flashback to a Fox network party where I spotted Paris by the bar (no lie) with a martini in one hand and a cosmo in the other. And I watched in horror as she alternately guzzled from both glasses while taking drags on a cigarette in between.
I also had to laugh when King got on the subject of strip searches (”The most humiliating experience of my life,” she said) and awkwardly dwelled on it for a bit too long.
“Was it as gross as we might think it is?” he wondered … “Do you understand why they do it?” I’d like to hope that ol’ Larry wasn’t getting aroused, but …
Then again, we probably shouldn’t make fun of Hilton’s jail sentence. It was, after all, a “really scary” ordeal filled with nightmares (”I hate to be alone”), claustrophobia (an 8×12 cell) and “horrible jail-slop” food (Bologna sandwiches? Eeek!).
She struggled through, however, and passed away the time by writing in her journal and voraciously reading the Bible. Oh, and when Larry asked Paris to name her favorite Bible passage, she hesitated and then smiled and looked away.
“I don’t have a favorite,” she said.
Oops.